Can't go on like this !!!

[LittleMissPanicky]

Ok guys bare with me hear this may turn out to be a bit of an essay, but i'm feeling sooo bad at the moment and don't know where to turn.

This episode of HA started back in March, i had worries about my bowels, after having tests which were clear i thought my anxiety would calm down, but no !
I have now developed a full blown phobia over my bowels, scared of going to the loo incase all is not right, then last week the worst happened and i had blood when i wiped my bottom. After a frantic dash to my doctor she said there was a tare there, but of course i'm now back to the what ifs again.
I wake in the morning shaking , thoughts racing, convinced i have the dreaded 'C' and nothing that anybody says can convince me otherwise.
I have recently been put on venlafaxine and i take 75mg in the morning along with 50mg of seroquel.
I went to see my doctor again last week in tears and she bascially said she dosn't know what to do anymore and was going to chase up the referall to the cmht. She cannot change my tablets or the dosage now until i see somebody more qualified !! So now ifeel stuck in this constant state of panic, not knowing when i will see a psych , somedays i feel soo loely and although i wouldn't do it, i look at my tablets and think it would be soo easy just to take them and make these feelings stop.
I have a gorgeous 9 year old son who I absolutle adore , but feel i am letting him down, i just want to be a good mum to him. xxx
Sorry to ramble guys , but feel in a really dark place at the moment , any words of encouragement or advice would be much appreciated xxxxx

---------- Post added at 12:41 ---------- Previous post was at 12:40 ----------

p.s i have now been on the venlafaxine for 6 weeks xxx

[ronski]

Well you are putting yourself through the ringer but the solution is very simplistic. You have to trust that nothing is wrong. Passing bright red blood from your bottom is normal after a tear. Look at it logically, if you tore your skin on a bush what would you expect--- bleeding so why expect a different solution if you have a tear around your anus.
Your doctor will not have any solutions for you and neither will the mental health team if you are not prepared to recognise your false beliefs are to blame. We all have a responsibility to look after ourselves health wise and that means self monitoring but you are so fixated it has become you and that is your issue.
Taking drugs and having CBT will be helpful but why not now say to yourself I have a little nine year old son and I want to be well so I can enjoy him to the full.
Cancer, heart disease, stroke is something we may all have to face in the future but why destroy any hope of happiness now by worrying about something that is not relevant to you now. Remember this saying what we resist persists. Do not resist your doctors reassurance that all is well and ok, take her advice and just live your life. Health anxiety is just abnormal beliefs that symptoms that you have experienced such as bleeding from your anus is related to cancer. Let me tell you this that blood passed through the bottom that may be related to cancer is dark brown and smells awful. This is where your doctor could reassure you in informing you that bright red blood is not a red flag symptom.
You have to let go and trust and then live your life to the full.

[always-ill]

Hi,
I often see blood on the toilet paper, usually when Im constipated, and it usually hurts when I go. Have you tried taking fibregel or any other kind of physilium husk product, this usually works a treat and keeps me regular. I have been really hung up on my toilet habits for years afterI became reguarly constipated. I mentioned it to my gp on a number of times but just got told to eat more fibre, which I already eat plenty of. Have you had any tests for bowel problems?? Your gp doesnt seem concerned that you have anything seriously wrong, but she should refer you for tests if you are particularly worried. Also, you say you have only been on your tablets for 6 weeks, they may not yet be working to their full potential as I know some can take up to 8 weeks and sometimes longer to work.
I know what its like though to be convinced that you have something sinsiter going on, I am going through similar concerns myself, so I can really sympathise with you.
I hope you feel better soon.
Always xxx

[ronski]

Always ill being referred for tests is a double edged sword, with health anxiety it can enforce the beliefs that something is wrong and far more importantly the associated risks of morbidity associated with any invasive tests.
Most doctors would refer for tests if there was appropiate reasons but going for tests just to put your mind at rest is not going to happen in this financial climate.

[LittleMissPanicky]

Thank-you both so much for your replies.

I am trying so hard to think rationally, i am determined not to let it beat me !

I sometimes wish i could stop all my tablets and start afresh, especially with my tablets that i take for my 'ibs', this was the diagnosis given due to other tests being negative. My main problem was diarrhoea which of course was caused by anxiety. To combat this i was given mebeverine and i also took an immodium at night. This combination worked well, but i took too much over a couple of days which led me to have very slight constipation , nothing that would have worried me normally. Things in that area then went back to normal apart from the tare, but my doctor suggested me taking fybogel which has had the oppposite effect and given me an upset tummy again !! So as you can see i am a wee bit confused as to what i should be taking, but i think i am going to leave the fybogel alone !!!
sorry to ramble again and once again thanks for your support and kind replies xxxxxxxxxxxx