getting sick of it

[1975]

hi first post so bear with me, i,ve suffered with anxiety and occasionally panic attacks for nearly 2 years it just came out of blue and has gripped me ever since.it is a daily thing and i may have had 10 good days in two yr i,ve been on and off citalopram for the last 18 mth and i,m taking them now but i dont think they are making any differnce.its really hard to descibe how i feel i,m constantly on edge and tense if i,m in a room and theres to much noise i feel i,m going in a one, i carnt hold a conversation,my eyes are aware of everything thats going on and things seem so bold and stand out sorry if you dont understand i,m trying my best to describe my symtons i even find it hard to sit in my own house with my wife and kids which in turn makes me feel guilty .when we shopping and at the checkout all the beeping of the tills make me very panicky and everything goes into a robotic state sorry if you dont understand and for the long post its just relly getting to me no i want to be normal again anyone have any similar feelings thanks ps i do feel other symtoms but hard to decribe them and i have all the usual anxiety symtons

---------- Post added at 11:42 ---------- Previous post was at 11:25 ----------

before this happened i was very sociable loved doing family things,holidays christmas etc. now i just dont have interest in anything i have a job but really struggle most days just want to crawl into bed and stay there i have passed out through a panic attack just talking to a few work mates and felt my world closing in walked away and thats all i can remember i have never told anyone how i feel not even my wife as i find it hard to talk about and embarrasing .really need it to go man

[Jhcdmom]

Hi. Just wanted to offer some support! What you are describing is exactly how a lot of us feel when suffering from an anxiety or panic attack. That robotic state sounds like derealization, which is so common with what we are going through when we have attacks. I tell my husband that it feels like I am in a bubble watching the world go on around me! It is exhausting, especially when you have a family who needs you. Sounds like you may need to try a different med, or stick with cit until it has a chance to work. You also might want to try a benzo med to help you get through the really bad times. It is only temporary until you find the med that works and gives you your life back! I have been on Zoloft since July and am finally feeling good most days. I had to take Ativan to get me through at first, but now I only take them if I am having a bad moment, maybe once a week. Hope this helps! It will get better.

[1975]

thanks for your reply just scared of taking other meds dont want to get addicted you read so many bad things like i said been on cit for quite a while and to be honest doesnt make me feel much better it is a horrible thing and i no one day i,ll get better buts its so hard to think of anything else at the minute

[Jhcdmom]

I had the same fear of getting addicted to the Ativan and I only took the smallest amount that made me feel better and only when I had too. I rarely have to take it now and I am def not addicted to it. It is a short option and so helpful until the right medicine can get you back on your feet. Are you open to trying a different med like Zoloft or Prozac? My doc said you may have to try another med or up the one you are on to get to the right level that makes you feel better. Have you tried adjusting your dose? Also, the thing about taking a benzo in the short term is that it will allow you to feel better so you can do the things that will help you get back on your feet. It is hard to take positive steps to get better when you are in a cycle of anxiety and panic. Do you see a psychologist? Sorry for all the questions:)

[1975]

hi no i dont see anybody and i,ve never tried other meds or upped my dose i,m on 20 mg of citalopram at the minute i just find it really difficult to talk to people about it even my doctor ,basically i just suffer in silence thanks for replying

[RavenLight]

hey, there. i have found that what can make my anxiety and derealization and depersonalization worst is when i don't tell the people around me what's going on. it's like i become so hyper aware of how i feel and hyper aware of trying to keep it from everyone that it makes it get even bigger. when i've had elevated levels of anxiety and panic at the grocery store, i've sometimes told the cashier. makes me feel better. like i don't have to hide and pretend like everything is ok. i would think that not talking to your family could be part of what makes it even worst. just a suggestion. also, i've found that there are usually deep rooted feelings that i'm not dealing with that is causing the anxiety and panic to continue. it's a hard road for a lot of us but we can beat this and be "normal." check out some of the posts on here on depersonalization and derealization. i've found some of these to be quite good. so much in fact that i've printed them off and carry them with me for those moments when i need reassurance. getting over this takes practice. we've got to retrain our brains. you're not alone.

[kittikat]

Hi :) really sorry about how you are feeling at the moment. I too suffer from anxiety and panic attacks and know exactly how you are feeling. Noisy places...crowded shops...waiting in queues...traffic...etc. it's like you are inside a bubble and it's all going on around you while you suffer the dizziness, racing heart, need to escape to the safety and security of home. I feel a spell off work may do you good and a chance to evaluate how you can move forward with this. Write down all your symptoms, feelings, fears (mental & physical) and then discuss with your GP & loved ones. There is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about and you will probably feel much better after. It's normal to feel embarassed and stupid, I know I did. But you are not alone and your symptoms and feelings are real. You say you are on meds so you must have already spoken to your GP. Maybe you need something different? I am on diazepam, been off work now 2 weeks, having some good and some bad days, but the diaz really helps me. :wacko: I hope you find the courage to talk your feelings over with those around you. Once they start to understand they can help & encourage you on the road to recovery (or at least dealing with your problems).
I wish you lots of luck and hope you take some comfort that others do know exactly where you are coming from.

[lordmac001]

Anyway, as soon as I started giving him lunch, he started to be even LESS excited about feeding time. He'll come when I call, and he'll eat most of it- but he still kind of picks through it and wouldn't really care if I took it away. I've noticed he's started to leave a lot of his dinner feed as well.

[mamagauntlett]

Hello,
This is my first reply to a post...
I am a mom of two and understand how the guilt of not being there for them can make things ten times worse...
and also i was on Citalopram for a while and when i first started taking them i felt the same like everything was in HD or really bold and crisp, i felt spaced out like i was there but only just and like it was all a dream!!

[1975]

did you stick with citalopram or try something else

[shaibiprincess]

hi 1975 ive been on citalopram for 4 years now and to be honest i still suffer with anxiety...(scared to come off them tho in case it gets worse :-/ ) i used to be like you and suffer in silence at home i had at the time a very unsympathetic ex hubby who would say i made myself ill etc.... anyway it got to the point were people actually thought i was insane cause of my weird behaviour due to anxiety and the way i tried to act as ''normal'' as possible actually made me look more weird if ya get me.... so i told those closest to me look im anxious dont know why but this is me if i leave a room its due to me not feeling good etc.... i now realise this is me this is who i am and i know ill always be more sensitive to my feelings than most so i dont try to fight it anymore i just realise that i need to try to control the volume switch of my anxiety...we are strong people cause we face this daily dont we? pls dont be hard on yourself .....if ever ya need to chat or freak out on any1 im here :) places like this make ya feel your not alone and i assure you sweetie after me talkin to mates etc i find most people suffer from something its just we are more sensitive to our feelings than some ...anyway im rambling now so ya know the score if ya need to chat im here x

[mamagauntlett]

The Citalopram really took the edge off my anxiety and due to this my panic attacks became next to nothing and my ectopics became once in a blue moon...
But...
I found i was constantly clenching my jaw and my gums started to really ache and eating hurt and i found sleeping hard i just couldnt settle...
But (lol)...
I stuck with it because the pros were much better i could love with the cons, in comparison to my life with panic and anxiety having a sore mouth and being tired were a walk in the park if you get me...
It got to the point where i was ready to come off them after about 4 months... and my dr was happy with me to do so... baring in mind i am on beta blockers for my heart anyway which helps with anxiety...
The best bit of advice my dr gave me when he gave me the Citalopram was after a day or so if i started to feel a bit queesy and nervous in my stomach it was the pills working, that it was the chemicals in my brains sorting themselves out...
it happened and then i knew they were doing something which helped me trust them instead of constantly trying to guess if they were working...
My dr also told me that if i have any break throughs, ie going out with the kids alone or shopping alone ect, that it wasnt the pills making me do it was me and only me!

how are you feeling today?

[1975]

everyone thanks for the replys pleased i joined the site plenty of support and knowing your not alone helps thanks

[theharvestmouse]

I've been on Citalopram for 2 weeks and I'm hoping it will improve how I feel, as yet I'm still up and down. Feel wretched today.

[1975]

i,ve been on and off them for 2 years i,ve just getting to the point where i dont think they doing any good i,m having alot more bad days than good when i have a good day i think this is the turning point then bang back to reality just need to get into my head its only anxiety and hopefully get more good days than bad