panicdiva
14-11-11, 22:53
I finally am ready to talk about: my positive journey
I have had panic/anxiety/claustraphobia/agoraphobia since my 2nd child was born over 13yrs ago.
I always refused medication as I believed it was not the right route for me.
I tried every other possible route, meditation, hypnotherapy, talking, counselling, reiki, you name it... I tried it....a book about it?....I read it.
So, long, long story short:
Last Oct my husband went abroad to work....OMG!!!! no way I would cope...cried for months before he went believing I would not cope, especially as I have panic/anxiety ect.
But, I coped, infact, I did really well.
Then my daughter wanted to go to a theatre school that was 30 mins from home and meant I had to drive her on the motorway! OMG, no husband to bail me out....so I had to do it and I did it.
Big test came in April when my husband booked our family holiday for June which meant a 9hr flight. OMG, no way, no way, no way. Had a complete meltdown. Cried for 2 wks solid.....overwhelmed....can't do it....no way.
After much soul searching finally decided to take the plunge and get anti's from the doc.
A miracle happened for me. For the first time in 13yrs I was able to cope with my panic and anxiety. Yes I was still anxious about doing things but I was not in that horrific dark hole anymore.....I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
Started going on the train...the train!!!!! started driving even more on the motorway...started pushing my boundaries and actually feeling ok.
Then, the 9hr flight!!!! Wow, I was nervous, really nervous.... but I was not a wreck. Normally I can't eat for weeks before a flight...I can't sleep, I am in such a state. But I was not like that. Even the night before, I actually slept and I was eating!!!!
Then, even a bigger miracle...I actually enjoyed the flight like I used to. And to make it even better, for the first time in years I did not worry about the flight home!!!! seriously!!!! I cannot tell you the relief I felt.
And I went on the roller coasters, an elevator (by myself too!!!!). I actually enjoyed my holiday, I mean really really enjoy it. My family were thrilled, and so was I!!!
So, here I am, 7 months into taking my medication. I am doing well. Not perfect, but I am the person I used to be, but stronger.
My only blip is the underlying fear that when I come off the meds I will be back to how I was. But to be fair to myself, from Oct last yr to taking the meds in April, I was making progress without the meds.
The only way I can describe it was that my fears/panic/anxiety was a huge wall. I was just about over the wall, I was hanging on and trying so hard to pull myself over that wall but just could not quite do it. Then someone came along and gave me that little boost I needed to get over that wall. (the meds)
My friends and family cannot believe what progress I have made. I am over the moon about it and so so grateful for their support and understanding.
Thanks for reading this.:yesyes:
---------- Post added at 23:53 ---------- Previous post was at 23:45 ----------
Forgot to say that my son turned 17 in April and began driving lessons. Then, as my husband was away, I was the one to sit in the car when he was learning. This was a huge step forward for me. He passed in Sept and I let him drive on the motorway with me in the car!!!!! I still cannot believe I did this.
Then, he wanted to look at a Uni that was 90mins away from home and wanted me to go with him. He drove there and I drove back and we stayed in a hotel the night before as it was an early start. The miracle was that I was ok....no panic or anxiety. It was a fab day.:D
I have had panic/anxiety/claustraphobia/agoraphobia since my 2nd child was born over 13yrs ago.
I always refused medication as I believed it was not the right route for me.
I tried every other possible route, meditation, hypnotherapy, talking, counselling, reiki, you name it... I tried it....a book about it?....I read it.
So, long, long story short:
Last Oct my husband went abroad to work....OMG!!!! no way I would cope...cried for months before he went believing I would not cope, especially as I have panic/anxiety ect.
But, I coped, infact, I did really well.
Then my daughter wanted to go to a theatre school that was 30 mins from home and meant I had to drive her on the motorway! OMG, no husband to bail me out....so I had to do it and I did it.
Big test came in April when my husband booked our family holiday for June which meant a 9hr flight. OMG, no way, no way, no way. Had a complete meltdown. Cried for 2 wks solid.....overwhelmed....can't do it....no way.
After much soul searching finally decided to take the plunge and get anti's from the doc.
A miracle happened for me. For the first time in 13yrs I was able to cope with my panic and anxiety. Yes I was still anxious about doing things but I was not in that horrific dark hole anymore.....I saw a light at the end of the tunnel.
Started going on the train...the train!!!!! started driving even more on the motorway...started pushing my boundaries and actually feeling ok.
Then, the 9hr flight!!!! Wow, I was nervous, really nervous.... but I was not a wreck. Normally I can't eat for weeks before a flight...I can't sleep, I am in such a state. But I was not like that. Even the night before, I actually slept and I was eating!!!!
Then, even a bigger miracle...I actually enjoyed the flight like I used to. And to make it even better, for the first time in years I did not worry about the flight home!!!! seriously!!!! I cannot tell you the relief I felt.
And I went on the roller coasters, an elevator (by myself too!!!!). I actually enjoyed my holiday, I mean really really enjoy it. My family were thrilled, and so was I!!!
So, here I am, 7 months into taking my medication. I am doing well. Not perfect, but I am the person I used to be, but stronger.
My only blip is the underlying fear that when I come off the meds I will be back to how I was. But to be fair to myself, from Oct last yr to taking the meds in April, I was making progress without the meds.
The only way I can describe it was that my fears/panic/anxiety was a huge wall. I was just about over the wall, I was hanging on and trying so hard to pull myself over that wall but just could not quite do it. Then someone came along and gave me that little boost I needed to get over that wall. (the meds)
My friends and family cannot believe what progress I have made. I am over the moon about it and so so grateful for their support and understanding.
Thanks for reading this.:yesyes:
---------- Post added at 23:53 ---------- Previous post was at 23:45 ----------
Forgot to say that my son turned 17 in April and began driving lessons. Then, as my husband was away, I was the one to sit in the car when he was learning. This was a huge step forward for me. He passed in Sept and I let him drive on the motorway with me in the car!!!!! I still cannot believe I did this.
Then, he wanted to look at a Uni that was 90mins away from home and wanted me to go with him. He drove there and I drove back and we stayed in a hotel the night before as it was an early start. The miracle was that I was ok....no panic or anxiety. It was a fab day.:D