View Full Version : Dont know what to tell people
I find it all a bit embarassing having to tell people why I am off work etc. My work colleagues know already and are very understanding. but outside of work I keep wanting to make up stories about some "virus" or something that I have instead of telling the truth that I am suffering from extreme anxiety. I dont want people to pity or feel sorry for me and also not to think I should stop being stupid and "pull myself toegether". How does everyone else act in this situation.
nicola1980
15-11-11, 15:46
Well apart from my close friends that know about my anxiety to others i must seem like a hypochrodriac as ive always got a bug, headache, virus you name it ive had it as far as their concerned! X x
It is entirely up to you if you want to tell people the reality of why you are signed off work. I bet there are lots of people who have 'private' physical ailments and they don't want to announce to the world why they are not working. There are two sides to this aren't there; you should not feel embarrased to tell people about mental illness (why should it be a taboo and all that...), but you should not feel compelled to share your private life either. I was signed off many years ago, for a few weeks, and apart from my colleagues and close family I told other people that I was 'exhausted' and 'needed a break', which was basically true :winks:
Hi Humly...know just how you feel. My anxiety came at me with a vengence 2 weeks ago, came home from work for lunch and it hit me bad. Could,nt go back to work, called in sick with 'gastric flu'...anyway I knew exactly what was wrong, felt like I was having a real breakdown, had also happened to me about 4 years earlier. My GP signed me off with 'acute anxiety'....dam, I would have to come clean to my boss!! I was embarrassed, worried, pacing the room, pounding heart, sweats etc. and that was just at the thought of having to call her :blush:
Anyway, cut a long story short, I called a trusted colleague instead, explained all, cried my eyes out and she passed the message on to my boss. I then had a lovely email from boss...made me feel so much better. I still haven't had the courage to contact her directly and have just been signed off for another 2 weeks so I emailed her, short & sweet, to explain the current situation.
It's hard going isn't it? I think you feel a bit of an idiot, like people think you're pulling a fast one, but inside, I felt like I had totally lost control of myself. I can't really advise you how to do it but I can say you will almost certainly feel better when it's out in the open...and one less thing to be anxious about lol.
Good luck....hope your anxiety isn't too bad at the moment. I love the TV ad for 'the mentalist' .....quote... "a mind is a terrible thing to lose" I find that so ironic but true!! Let us know how you get on :D
Its not so much work I am worried about now as they kind of know the situation. Its all the other outside work things I do with the kids where I was always around, having a chat, helping out etc and now I just drop them off and run off. I should probably come clean but then again I dont want the kids to be worried about it all.
nicola1980
15-11-11, 17:14
I shouldnt worry about it hun just concentrate on getting yourself better, you can always explain when you feel better x x
Yeah I also make up some story when I'm off and where I've been, you just have to remember what you've said and not say different reasons to different people haha!!
chappers1980
15-11-11, 18:21
I've gone with the honesty is the best policy. The reality is most people won't really care and for me its part of my anxiety that I care what people think. I have nothing to be ashamed of and am actually surprised how many of my friends have come clean and told me how they feel about their own situations so for me telling people has been a positive step towards recovery. We need to get rid of this stigma about mental illness. My illness doesn't define who I am as a person and if people can't see that then thats their problem. Generally in life, what goes around comes around so those people who do act badly will probably at some point have it happen to them and I just think to myself smugly that they will regret how they've acted x
Well I picked my daughter up from one of her clubs last night and couldnt quite come clean. They all noticed how thin and unwell I was looking so I said that I'd had some stuff going on at home and that I thought I had a "bug" as well. Half true anyway. I will tell them later that it is down to anxiety but not yet. I'm a coward and I know that this sounds silly but I cant cope with people being nice to me at the moment as it just makes me cry.
slipstream
17-11-11, 16:06
I agree with you, I find it so hard not to be embarrassed about telling people. Cause you can't see the problem they think your pulling a fast one. Also as its a mental problem the words "get a grip" are always used. But if it was so easy to "get a grip" then I wouldn't be telling you about the hole situation would I. I even get embarrassed in front of my parents which makes me feel a complete fool. I believe though what comes around goes around and anyone who tuts about it should rethink there opinions.
evil monkey
19-11-11, 19:27
A monster sized cup of ditto.
Hello Humley and anyone else,
there is no shame in saying I am having time off work with stress related illness. It is very common these days as due to pressure of all sorts---Family ---work-- relationships ,--- and caring for someone.
If you get a negitive reply --- just say-- I'll swap you lives and see how you feel.
Humly,
IMO you are not compelled to tell ANYONE why you are off work, and the reasons why you are signed off sick.Frankly, it is none of their business, and if they don't like that, tough.
I get quite passionate about this subject. I don't see why we as mental health sufferers have to hide our illnesses, or are made to feel ashamed of them, just because society has a mental block/misunderstanding about mental health. If someone who has been off sick with a chest infection are able to easily divulge that, why are we not able to?
When I went back to work after my breakdown 7 years ago, I got bombarded with questions by colleagues as to what was wrong (I had not worked for 14 months. This info came out as with all of the 'where did you work before?' questions.)
I dithered about telling them, but told them that truth as I felt that as I worked in healthcare then why not be honest about it?
Well talk about a conversation stopper! People frankly didn't know what to say, or just appeared speechless and quickly changed the subject.
And this was in the nursing profession!!!
Just goes to show how entrenched societal views are about mental illness (I thought at the time.)
At the same time though, I also feel that you should not have to tell or explain anything about your illness if you don't want to. That is your own private business. As Magic says, if the response is negative then that is their problem, not yours.
xxxx:hugs::hugs::hugs:
I think anxiety is something to be proud of. I am proud to be anxious rather than angry or manic or psychopathic (not that I have anything against other mental illnesses, every one is different and each has its own stigma, but I think it would be harder to say you eg, hear voices than saying you have GAD.). I have actually found out a number of my friends have anxiety as well from letting them know in subtle ways. One of my friends who works a t a pharmacy now smuggles me free samples of rescue remedy gum!
Debs is absolutely right, if they react in a hostile way, it is their problem and due to the conditioning of their mind from others in their life.
Also, only tell who you trust Humly. If you know they are an arse, you don't have to feel obliged to tell them anything. Your instinct will guide you.
Love and peace.
I am not worried about people at work knowing whats up, I suspect they all know anyway by now, and they are a really nice bunch and very sympathetic. I just feel pathetic myself for reacting to my current situation in the way I have, and not being able to put it to one side and get on with things, which is what I think anyone else would do. I think its my problem and not theirs. Soz, I'm rambling.
Dizzy_Dave
20-11-11, 18:15
I know how you feel, I battled with the thoughts of what shall I say, blah, blah, so I just decided to say I lost the plot, went ga ga, without the lady, people laugh then I just stare at them in a menacing way, they get the message through body language...........
sickandtired
22-11-11, 13:05
ive plucked up the courage to tell a few close friends what the hell has been wrong with me for the last 2-3 years.both have said i must see a doctor and get on the road to recovery.thats another problem in itself! finally got an appointment,but had to cancel it when i realised it was one of the worst doctors in the practice....he once tried telling me my back problem was mere 'period pain'....so you can understand why i didnt want to tell him my innermost thoughts ,worries and feelings.Rung docs today...no appointments for 10 days,or i could try ringing at 8;30 in the morning when some appointments are 'released' whatever the hell that is.well,phone is always engaged at that time as everyone is trying for an app't and i set off at 8;35 latest for the school run.well,tomorrow i guess we are going to be late!!!!
Hope you manage to get an appointment Sickandtired. What about ringing up one of the secretaries of the docs you like and see if they can squeeze you in somewhere. Its a bit like that at our docs where they give you an appointment for that day if its an "emergency" otherwise you have to wait 2 weeks.
sickandtired
22-11-11, 13:30
i might take myself off to A & E yet!!
I find it all a bit embarassing having to tell people why I am off work etc. My work colleagues know already and are very understanding. but outside of work I keep wanting to make up stories about some "virus" or something that I have instead of telling the truth that I am suffering from extreme anxiety. I dont want people to pity or feel sorry for me and also not to think I should stop being stupid and "pull myself toegether". How does everyone else act in this situation.
Who cares what other people think. Your work colleagues know and that's all that matters :)
Powered by vBulletin® Version 4.2.5 Copyright © 2024 vBulletin Solutions Inc. All rights reserved.