Why am I struggling yet doing so well?

[panicpanda]

So I've had seven exposure therapy sessions so far over the last two months (I've been housebound agoraphobic for several months) and I'm doing quite well. I get extreme anticipation anxiety beforehand, to the point where I cry my eyes out and convince myself I cannot answer the door to the CPN giving me the therapy and have to talk to my mum on the phone until my doorbell is rung. Despite this, I have answered the door and I have managed to do the agreed actions. I'm always surprised afterwards. I've managed only 200m from my home with trusted company, but it's better than the state I was in a few months ago. I even went into a shop yesterday with my boyfriend, which I am really proud of.

The problem is, I seem to almost feel worse at home now. My anxiety is worse in the evening now, which I never really suffered from before. Also, my anticipation anxiety is no better. Surely I should be feeling better by now, not worse? I've tried so hard and I'm not feeling any pay-off :weep:

[Mirabelle]

Panda
You have done really well. You think you are feeling worse but how would you have felt before if you did those things?
You are looking at deep seated issues and by doing the work you are, things are shifting and changing. This results in some anxiety. Remember that it is early days and you are making great progress.
xx

[emmasaurus]

you're doing wonderfully! as a fellow near-housebound agoraphobic, i'm familiar with the nasties you mention - but also the pride when i'm able to venture beyond the garden gate.

regards your increased anxiety within the home/during the evening, could it simply be (as is the case with me) that now you've taken the first steps toward recovery, you're anticipating having to repeat those steps over and over in the coming weeks - and even consider scarier ones? i also find that now i've shown my therapist/boyfriend that i can manage those first steps, i'm anxious about their expectations of me/my recovery. does that make sense? i find myself increasingly anxious about not being able to continue coping; that they will expect too much of me, and what it will mean to them if i relapse in some way.

but as mirabelle says, it's still early days - and you're making progress, however awful you're feeling right now. well done! x

[saro]

You are doing so well and like you said you are in a much better position now than u were a few months ago yea? Small steps.. dont expect too much from yourself.. you have plenty of time to work hard at this. Stay strong :hugs:

[Anxious_gal]

aw :) You WILL feel worse BEFORE you feel better :)
Just remember that it will get better.
You are changing how you think and feel, you are taking yourself out of your comfort zone etc.. your body somewhat fighting back, change is hard and we often subconsciouslly resist it.

I'm so happy you are getting help and making progress, I always say we do way better and cope way better than we think we will :)

are you working on your anxiety and stuff in between therapy sessions?
The key is repeating, doing it over and over again until the brain changes how you react and you simply forget to get nervous.

I have gone up and down on the anxiety scale and the only thing thats ever worked is getting out as much as I can, staying inside makes me much worse.

[panicpanda]

Thank you for all your lovely encouraging replies :)

emmasaurus, I think you're probably right there. I don't want to let anyone down by going backwards and not being able to do it. I put a lot of pressure on myself anyway with everything so this is something I need to work on.

mishel, I'm doing a bit of work between sessions. I can't do a lot on my own but when my boyfiend's over, about three times a week, we go out. I'd like to do it every day really but I'm not strong enough to go alone yet.

I think the biggest thing affecting me at the moment is this awful weak feeling. I don't know whether it's the cold whether or I'm coming down with something. Going to start taking multivits and iron to see if it helps...