Horse
17-11-11, 09:58
I am now convinced that sleeping is bad for you!
Everynight (or most), I climb the stairs, maybe do a bit of 'silver surfing' on the web, then go to bed.
I'm a bit of a 'night owl' so I rarely hit the pillows before midnight and when I do I normally have to read before falling asleep. Consequently, this can result in me not dropping off until 1 or even 2 in the morning. Considering I'm awake again at 6am, I, on average must get about 5 hours of sleep, and that's when the trouble starts!
I can quite safely say that all is not well in the stable during those twilight hours!
It would appear that my body now has a life of it's own when I'm asleep and that being 'horizontal' can be perilous.
For starters, most if not all the problems I wake up with, were not there when I was vertical some five hours ago.
For example, the acid in my stomach was fairly subdued but now it is like a raging furnace in my chest and throat.
The pain in my back appears only after the alarm clock wakes me regardless of what matress I sleep on.
My neck sounds like a packet of 'Walkers Salt and Vinegar' everytime I turn my head.
My voice resembles something I can only describe as Darth Veder on helium.
I am still intrigued as to how I manage to manufacture all that gas whilst asleep and why it will only escape when I walk down the stairs!
My mouth tastes like I've been eating compost and no doubt has the same agricultural benefits for growing bacteria, regardless of brushing, flossing and using mouthwash last night.
My fingertips are numb and somewhat tingly (obviously a result of a heart attack I suffered whilst having an erotic dream).
My nasal passages appear to be blocked even though I sleep with the window open.
My bladder informs me it's full even though I haven't had anything to drink for ten hours and emptied it before I went to bed anyway.
When I did turn in for bye byes, I was suffering from ravenous hunger. Now, I have no appetite at all for breakfast and my stomach feels like an over inflated balloon.
Oh yes, and that other 'small' point of physical appendage that I could of done with behaving properly during my infrequent amorous adventures of the past, now decides to show off and get, shall I say 'cocky?' Still, on a brighter note, I suppose it prevents me rolling out of bed in the night and hurting myself, as I now look upon it as a very nifty safety device!
Needless to say, I am now not in a hurry to go to bed anymore and convinced that being horizontal is detrimental to my health and well being.
Therefore, I give notice that as from this day, I will now sleep erect (in an upright position)!
Horse.
I forgot to add....that mouth ulcer wasn't there last night either!
Everynight (or most), I climb the stairs, maybe do a bit of 'silver surfing' on the web, then go to bed.
I'm a bit of a 'night owl' so I rarely hit the pillows before midnight and when I do I normally have to read before falling asleep. Consequently, this can result in me not dropping off until 1 or even 2 in the morning. Considering I'm awake again at 6am, I, on average must get about 5 hours of sleep, and that's when the trouble starts!
I can quite safely say that all is not well in the stable during those twilight hours!
It would appear that my body now has a life of it's own when I'm asleep and that being 'horizontal' can be perilous.
For starters, most if not all the problems I wake up with, were not there when I was vertical some five hours ago.
For example, the acid in my stomach was fairly subdued but now it is like a raging furnace in my chest and throat.
The pain in my back appears only after the alarm clock wakes me regardless of what matress I sleep on.
My neck sounds like a packet of 'Walkers Salt and Vinegar' everytime I turn my head.
My voice resembles something I can only describe as Darth Veder on helium.
I am still intrigued as to how I manage to manufacture all that gas whilst asleep and why it will only escape when I walk down the stairs!
My mouth tastes like I've been eating compost and no doubt has the same agricultural benefits for growing bacteria, regardless of brushing, flossing and using mouthwash last night.
My fingertips are numb and somewhat tingly (obviously a result of a heart attack I suffered whilst having an erotic dream).
My nasal passages appear to be blocked even though I sleep with the window open.
My bladder informs me it's full even though I haven't had anything to drink for ten hours and emptied it before I went to bed anyway.
When I did turn in for bye byes, I was suffering from ravenous hunger. Now, I have no appetite at all for breakfast and my stomach feels like an over inflated balloon.
Oh yes, and that other 'small' point of physical appendage that I could of done with behaving properly during my infrequent amorous adventures of the past, now decides to show off and get, shall I say 'cocky?' Still, on a brighter note, I suppose it prevents me rolling out of bed in the night and hurting myself, as I now look upon it as a very nifty safety device!
Needless to say, I am now not in a hurry to go to bed anymore and convinced that being horizontal is detrimental to my health and well being.
Therefore, I give notice that as from this day, I will now sleep erect (in an upright position)!
Horse.
I forgot to add....that mouth ulcer wasn't there last night either!