zengarden
17-11-11, 23:26
Hi, thanks for coming in. Forgive me if this post is a bit jumbled, it's a bit hard to explain. Also, I'll probably waffle so bear with me.
I have a long history of anxiety and panic. I had been on Paroxetine for 11 years. My Dr suggested changing to Fluoxetine a good few weeks ago and just straight swapped me over. What fun that has been! :scared15: Huge panic attacks and suicidal at times.
Luckily the really bad panic attacks have calmed down. (I was literally getting through on Diazepam.) I knew the paroxetine affected me but I didn't realise how much. For the last 6 or so years I have honestly thought I had an underactive thyroid. I kept asking for blood tests as most days I literally only had the energy to either brush my teeth or wash up. I could sleep 12 hours + and wake feeling like I hadn't slept a wink. It would take me hours to come too and my brain was just fog. I didn't realise how much untill I have come off them.
One of the things I was diagnosed with back in 1997 was GAD (Plus, agoraphobia, OCD, Depression, and panic disorder.). Nobody ever told me what it was, the symptoms, what it entails, ect. I just thought I couldn't get a handle on my anxiety as it never got better and that must mean it was getting worse! I've only found out the past few weeks what it actually is.
I know I typed out that paragraph for a reason but it's gone from me now! :p I think it's because now I am on the fluoxetine my head is clear, I can remember my name! Before I was in such a thick fog that I was just in the anxiety and panic and just did what I could to dimish it. Mostly I suppose by indulging in my OCD and if really bad, a diazepam. One of my other coping techniques is to sleep.
At first, and until today, I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. My entire world had changed completely. I felt like I had a baptism of fire. Going from sleeping and blurryness to being totally aware. I talked it over with my mum earlier though and realised I had made a CHOICE. My Dr had also described Olanzapine (Anti-phsycotic.) to take. I haven't taken them. I have chosen not to go back down the foggy sleepy route and do all I can to escape panic/anxiety. I realised I have CHOSEN to pro-actively do things to help manage anxiety. I have been doing muscle relaxation, walking for 20-30 mins every other night, mindfullness, soothing self talk(I was doing breathing exercises but was told I was doing them wrong and I couldn't find one consistant way and then got into a bit of a panic about it. I do try to deep breathe through panic though and it helps.), recognising that my thoughts are just thoughts and letting them go. This last week I'd say I've had a couple of hours where I wasn't feeling anxious or panicky.
The trouble is, where everything has changed I suppose I am feeling a bit lost. A bit, what should I do? How am I supposed to be? I've had a couple of times where the question of, 'Why am I here?' is of such importance. I tried to tell myself with that one that nobody can answer that and I am here so get on with it. I seem to question my existance. It's hard to explain, it's like, I was one way for so long and now it's all different. I am more aware of the anxiety in a way, well, the duration of it anyway. Do you think this is just still anxiety? Possibly part of GAD? (I knew I put that paragraph in for a reason. ;) )
For instance, I'm having real trouble in the mornings now. I never used to. I was waking with my heart pounding and in a bit of a panic a couple of times. Also with just generally unplesant emotions (The whys? Ie, 'What am I doing here? Why am I here? Why am I trying?' I just feel strange and uncomfortable.). I tried muscle relaxation and distraction and soothing self talk. When I do wake up OK (A couple of times now.) I'm so scared of it coming! It's like,'I'm ok at the moment but what if it hits me?' Like I have to be on guard for it then of course it happens.
I do still get very deppressive thoughts but I told myself I have choosen to live and try and dismiss them.
Sorry it's such a long read and thank you sticking with it so far. I guess I am just seeking reassurance of some kind. Is what I am going through normal? Does anything sound familiar? Can anybody help with my morning troubles? I don't know if it helps to add that I haven't had a routine in years, I was just too tired. Maybe I should start working on one?
Thank you so much again for reading and I hope I haven't gone on too much or got too jumbled. Any help would be really appreciated.
EDIT: I forgot to add that I experience anxiety/panic every day.
I have a long history of anxiety and panic. I had been on Paroxetine for 11 years. My Dr suggested changing to Fluoxetine a good few weeks ago and just straight swapped me over. What fun that has been! :scared15: Huge panic attacks and suicidal at times.
Luckily the really bad panic attacks have calmed down. (I was literally getting through on Diazepam.) I knew the paroxetine affected me but I didn't realise how much. For the last 6 or so years I have honestly thought I had an underactive thyroid. I kept asking for blood tests as most days I literally only had the energy to either brush my teeth or wash up. I could sleep 12 hours + and wake feeling like I hadn't slept a wink. It would take me hours to come too and my brain was just fog. I didn't realise how much untill I have come off them.
One of the things I was diagnosed with back in 1997 was GAD (Plus, agoraphobia, OCD, Depression, and panic disorder.). Nobody ever told me what it was, the symptoms, what it entails, ect. I just thought I couldn't get a handle on my anxiety as it never got better and that must mean it was getting worse! I've only found out the past few weeks what it actually is.
I know I typed out that paragraph for a reason but it's gone from me now! :p I think it's because now I am on the fluoxetine my head is clear, I can remember my name! Before I was in such a thick fog that I was just in the anxiety and panic and just did what I could to dimish it. Mostly I suppose by indulging in my OCD and if really bad, a diazepam. One of my other coping techniques is to sleep.
At first, and until today, I felt like I had the rug pulled out from under me. My entire world had changed completely. I felt like I had a baptism of fire. Going from sleeping and blurryness to being totally aware. I talked it over with my mum earlier though and realised I had made a CHOICE. My Dr had also described Olanzapine (Anti-phsycotic.) to take. I haven't taken them. I have chosen not to go back down the foggy sleepy route and do all I can to escape panic/anxiety. I realised I have CHOSEN to pro-actively do things to help manage anxiety. I have been doing muscle relaxation, walking for 20-30 mins every other night, mindfullness, soothing self talk(I was doing breathing exercises but was told I was doing them wrong and I couldn't find one consistant way and then got into a bit of a panic about it. I do try to deep breathe through panic though and it helps.), recognising that my thoughts are just thoughts and letting them go. This last week I'd say I've had a couple of hours where I wasn't feeling anxious or panicky.
The trouble is, where everything has changed I suppose I am feeling a bit lost. A bit, what should I do? How am I supposed to be? I've had a couple of times where the question of, 'Why am I here?' is of such importance. I tried to tell myself with that one that nobody can answer that and I am here so get on with it. I seem to question my existance. It's hard to explain, it's like, I was one way for so long and now it's all different. I am more aware of the anxiety in a way, well, the duration of it anyway. Do you think this is just still anxiety? Possibly part of GAD? (I knew I put that paragraph in for a reason. ;) )
For instance, I'm having real trouble in the mornings now. I never used to. I was waking with my heart pounding and in a bit of a panic a couple of times. Also with just generally unplesant emotions (The whys? Ie, 'What am I doing here? Why am I here? Why am I trying?' I just feel strange and uncomfortable.). I tried muscle relaxation and distraction and soothing self talk. When I do wake up OK (A couple of times now.) I'm so scared of it coming! It's like,'I'm ok at the moment but what if it hits me?' Like I have to be on guard for it then of course it happens.
I do still get very deppressive thoughts but I told myself I have choosen to live and try and dismiss them.
Sorry it's such a long read and thank you sticking with it so far. I guess I am just seeking reassurance of some kind. Is what I am going through normal? Does anything sound familiar? Can anybody help with my morning troubles? I don't know if it helps to add that I haven't had a routine in years, I was just too tired. Maybe I should start working on one?
Thank you so much again for reading and I hope I haven't gone on too much or got too jumbled. Any help would be really appreciated.
EDIT: I forgot to add that I experience anxiety/panic every day.