Where I am at anxiety wise

[Anxious_gal]

Well I was doing okish but I am struggling so bad, so bad I am almost in denial because how bad I am scares me and makes my anxiety worse!

I have done a few things , like meet my friends etc.. But I have not gone to town 100% alone in a long time. If I am meeting someone I can do ok.

I have had a few panic attacks which really set me back.

I am some what depressed but when I meet my friends I am sooo happy so I think I have situational depression.

I am avoiding the hell out of everything, I am trying to do that CBT online book that is posted here, CB4 panic , I am awful with names.
I'm trying to do my Louise Hay positive thinking stuff too.
But I just I dunno, I am not doing enough to get better.

I do have plans to meet friends soon, so I hope that might help motivate me.

My weight gain isn't going well as I stopped putting in the effort to eat, but I ate two pizzas today lol so better than nothing I guess.

I failed going to town this week alone , I had a shower , did my hair, got dressed up and panicked! Then I got sad because I am soo bored at home.

My confidence is so bad :( My friends laugh things I say, I wasn't trying to be funny, just being my self, and I'm oh I am making my friends happy.
It's like I can't accept that people like me..
My family most of the time are not nice to me and point out everything thats wrong with me so ya I got me some issues

I know I just need practice, get out every day, do CBT, talk to people etc...
But I can't seem to keep it up.

I am not the person I want to be, you know?
The anxiety is part of me but it's not who I am, It's like I have gotten lost some how.

I am good at talking about what I should be doing,but I really suck at the doing part.

I hope by writing this it will help some how..

[Ellie-Bear]

I could have written your post myself!!!
Wanted to send you a :bighug1:
It's such a struggle isn't it, 2 steps forwards and a huge leap back!!

I had a big long chat with my hubby last night about how I'm feeling and he thinks I'm trying too hard to get better, but its soooooooo difficult, like you, I just don't feel I'm doing enough to get better!!!! And my energy levels are non existent.
Going round and round in circles. Wish someone could press the button that makes me 'normal' again rather than scared and nervous of everything!!

I wrote a long post on here the other day about how I was feeling and it did help writing it all down, and I did feel a lot more positive at the end of writing it all down though. Nobody commented on the post and that made me :unsure: of what to think - and sure enough the negativity creapt in, nobody likes me etc, etc!! Sorry this post is about you, not me!!! Such a vicious circle though.
I do hope you feel better soon Mishel. Take care of yourself. Xxxx

[pinkdove]

Hi mishel, aw you are being too hard on yourself, it takes time to fully recover, but think about how fare you have come, i am much better, but still not 100% but i too think i try to rush it, your friends will be laughing with you, not at you, and i'm sure as time goes on you will be able to do a bit more, but don't rush things if you feel like having a day in, well we all do from time to time, and it you can't do something one day, you will do it later, hope you continue to get better. take care and good luck x

[Anxious_gal]

Just a quick up date, I'll reply better maybe tomorrow.
Didn't sleep last night.
Went to town with a family member, it was ok but I wasn't there too long.
Going to my doctor later on, alone, to have a mole checked out eeek!

Ellie, I understand the feeling time, I am not the best sleeper, I often find little things take way too much energy out of me.
Thats totally how I feel going in circles when I just want to go forward!! :)
Aw people don't reply to long posts as much, I'll take a look at your later on.
Thank you for taking the time to reply to mine :hugs:
It's awesome you can talk to your hubby about your anxiety too :)

Thanks pinkdove for the well wishes x

[theharvestmouse]

I feel a lot like you Mishel, like I've got lost, sometimes I manage to feel better and more like my old self but then other times I get so far from how I used to be I wonder if I will ever get back to how I was. I take confidence from doing things but then its like a few days later that confidence will have drained out of me.

I'm going to my first CBT session next week and I hope that I will start making some progress in the next few months.

[Anxious_gal]

At the doctors!
No idea how I got here ;)
Kept going from Panic to anxious , up and down .
I panicked a bit when I was at the place where I had a panic attack on my own.
I felt very vunerable on my own, sort of exposed, unsafe, no safe place to get to fast enough!
Just focused on getting to the doctors.
I even tried counting parked cars lol.

Just was scared I'd panic on my own away from a safety place.
When I panic I can't breath so I start to worry about what if I loose controle and faint on my own :(

So much for being early for once , I'm still waiting!