Running away or new start?

[mupp]

Hi all,
I have a dilemma & would appreciate some words of wisdom. I've been off sick from work for last 3 weeks with anxiety/depression. I've had this once before badly 4 yrs ago but managed to get back on track, though the anxiety is always there waiting to pounce! I've been in same safe office job since I left school 21 years ago, & Its totally changed now, totally production obsessed & theres no time for anyone with any problems etc. I have a particularly insensitive boss & finally got too much for me & I left office in tears 3 wks ago. I am now finding it impossible to go back. I'm seeing the office support officer, & she held meeting with her,me & boss to discuss getting me back to work- during which he said I was now a 'liability' with a known problem & no other section would want me! I was gutted, after 21 years of hard work.
I would love to resign & never have to go back, but have no confidence so how could I do any other job?
Anyway, I wondered if anyone else had ever been in similar situation and had any advice or warnings? (I've got to try to go in again tomorrow but can't see me making it)
thanks
mupp

[marie ross]

Hi Mupp,

Sorry i don't think i'm going to be much help but i've just read your post and i am so mad, who does he think he is, that is such a disgusting thing to say. If it was me i would never set foot in that office again (leave them to it, they are better off without you) It is such a shame that they have treated you like this after all them years you have worked for them. Would it be possible for you to go the job centre and explain what has happened and maybe they could look at other ways for you to get back into other work. Whatever you decide to do i really hope it works out for you. Sorry about the rant and rave but your boss sounds like such a pig.

Take care. Marie XXX

[EebyJeeby]

Hi Mupp,

I've been going through a similar situation and have been off for 8 months although I went back in the new year for a couple of weeks but just got worse, so was off again.

What I ended up doing was raising a grievance about the work situation (I have a useless boss). Unfortunately, as the grievance was not directly aimed at my boss (as he himself had a breakdown last year - I had a certain amount of sympathy), he was the one who managed the grievance hearing and responded, as this is protocol. The replies were exactly what I was expecting - him passing the buck and blaming "the company" for what was in fact due to his inability to influence his senior manager.

Anyway, the upshot is that they have now offered me a compromise agreement whereby my contract will be terminated on mutually agreed terms. This is to avoid me taking them to a tribunal for constructive dismissal. I have accepted, even though the terms include a measly payout considering my length of service. But I have been on no pay since Feb so can't afford to pursue the case and I know that a long drawn out tribunal will play havoc with my anxiety. I have to look after my health before anything else.

The benefit of seeking a compromise agreement is that on top of any agreed payout, they provide you with a reference which does not mention any grievance or sickness period involved - useful for getting another job.

I'm still not quite recovered from anxiety/depression but I know that to remove this particular stressor will do me the world of good. Time to move on - some may call it running away but I call it survival as the work environment there is not healthy. I totally understand how you feel - my company too changed beyond recognition over a period of years. Rest assured that it is their fault you are suffering from this stress and the Health & Safety law means that they have to address it. Your boss sounds like a complete a$$ and ultimately it is him that is the liability to the company. Any HR professional will recognise that. He cannot speak to you in that way, especially now you are suffering with this condition.

I'd suggest getting speaking to someone in personnel/HR and also get some legal advice from CAB. You are in a stronger position than you think. And don't worry about rushing to return to work just yet. You need a bit of time to heal.

Take care

Eeb xx

[andrew]

hi mupp,

i'd just say dont leave or resign, sounds like they've stressed you out. if you are not ready to return to work, then dont, get another sick note from your GP. and like ebb said get some advice from the CAB on your rights. take care .. andrew

[Coni]

Hi,

I agree with Andrew....I think you should get some advice before deciding what to do. Your boss sounds like a creep! And I'm sure he could be hauled over the coals for saying what he did should you decide to take it further.

I'm in a similar situation....my job stresses me out big time and management do nothing to help ease the stress (in fact I suspect they try to do the opposite but I cant prove anything). I've been off too for 8 months but am now back at work and back on antidepressants! Unfortunately I cant go off again as I cant afford to not work and my employer will then say I'm not fit for the job ( I am.....just not there!). There are very few jobs around in my type of work just now so I feel I'm stuck (which makes me feel worse). The only positive is that every day I go in ( even though its a struggle) its one in the eye for my boss who is convinced I'm weak and cant hack it.

Sorry I know thisisnt much help but I can understand how you feel. I also think that if you need to be off sick for longer then thats what you need to do. Think of your health and dont let your boss make you feel guilty.

Thinking of you.

Coni X

[mum2four]

my partner and I have had the problem with jobs and the bosses fue time and from experiance thay often try to get you quit to safe them self having to fire people. I would not give in to the boss but I would do every thing in my power to see that I get to work in a safe happy environment and if all elss fails I would wait till thay fired me then sue there but off for discrimination.

He proberly picking on you cause he figured out you are the easiest target right now. That is my oppinion if you deserve that job and enjoyed it till he did what he did DONT give him the win of seeing you quit. Make it as hard for him by doing all the right things and bei ng a polite as you can be so that if he was trying to make you weak agt the knees a quit it makes it even more harder to fire you. No matter what his reason if you have been working the job for years with no complaint about you ect then take a deap breath and remind your self it your right to have that job as long as you can do the job and if the day come you feel he has pushed you quiting and made you anxiety worse for me i would sue them not for the money but for the principal of the matter but that is me and thay are my fighting words lol. I never let anyone back me in to a corner and get scared out anything I beleave I deserve. I fight so hard that I'm now on meds for obsessive thinking and debating ect but I issues with fighting to hard or not I still beleave I and every need to stand up and fight for what thay deserve or thay stand less chance of getting it. I can now use my fight instinct in a more positive mannor and that feel much better for .

Running will make you life harder staying might as well but running away will be a certainy on making you life harder where as standing you ground and fighting to keep what you deserve at least stands a chance of susscess and proving you wont be bullied. I beleave if yhou give in to this boss the next one will find it easier to bully you if thay are the same sort of poeple and these day thay seem to hire bullys as boss's.

[mupp]

Thanks for your messages everyone & support. Well I've just got back from Doctors & hes signed me off for another couple of weeks & upped my dose of citalapram (I was on 10mg,now up to 20). But I still feel terrible being off work,like I'm letting everyone down, as I do have a lot of friends at work & they all keep phoning asking when I'm coming back. That just stresses me out even more! I know they mean well but I just wanna be left alone at moment. The other thing is that the support officer at work was furious with my boss when he said that about me in front of her, & she wants to talk to his boss now about his bad management etc. So I'm worried that he'll get in trouble cos of me & it'll be even harder to go back then! I already feel like a rotten person as I've lost interest in all my mates & don't wanna talk to them, as they all expect me to just be back to normal again just like that & don't really understand. Oh I'm waffling now, sorry!
Anyway thanks again for the messages,
mupp x

[Coni]

Hi mupp,

please dont apologise ....this site is here to allow us all to get our feelings out in the open so we can support each other.

And youre not letting anyone down, true friends will know that and be there for you when you need them. It is hard for people who've never experienced anxiety/depression to understand how long it takes you to get back on your feet. I was like you and stressed about being off but in the end I had to just give in and accept that I would take my own time to get better....by getting so stressed even when not at work I was just making my recovery even slower and harder (does that make sense??).

Anyway please allow yourself whatever time you need....your only loyalty should be to yourself and your family....you certainly dont owe your insensitive boss anything! And remember you havent got him into trouble, hes done that all by himself....and its as well his managers find out now what hes like before he makes anyone elses life miserable!!!

Take care

Coni X

[EebyJeeby]

Well said Coni !!

Mupp, the first step to getting better is to accept that you are not well. If that means going "offline" for a while as far as all work-related things, then so be it.

Eeb x

[Daisybun]

I'm currently signed off work too, second time this past year due to work related stress that has brought on anxiety and other physical symptoms. i too feel uncertain about my position but I have spoken to my union and I suggest you get some help and advice from personnael or a union if you belong to one. After 21 years of good service you deserve to be treated with respect, as a human being you deserve to be treated with respect. I hope that this issue gets sorted out for you soon and that you are feeling better in the not too distant future.
Take care

Daisybun


'This too will pass'