am i the only one?

[keepcalmandcarryon]

basically, i have no friends...... because i have had social anxiety in the past, and just recently i've been getting better.

i've always been independent and introvert, and i've never minded, but now its bothering me.

im not ridiculously shy. there are 7 people in my office at work and i get along with all them fine (they are 40+ and i'm 17)

i think the reason i dont 'get along' with people my age is because everyone my age is into clubbing, drinking, sex and drugs. which is just NOT me at all. i really want at least one friend or a boyfriend that is just similar to me

i will probably never step foot into a club (hate them)

i dont mind pubs, because its a nicer and friendlier atmosphere :)

i'm not a boring couch potato though. my idea of a perfect night is a night in with the girls and chatting, or going to see a flm then going out to dinner with the girls or something like that. or going out for nice walks around town in the evening or something

i dont want to go to house parties. i dont want to go to clubs. i feel like i NEVER meet anyone who has the same interests as me???

the society we live in now is so messed up. its so sad to see all these teenagers wastng their lives away... but there you go

i've met everyone at my work, so there is no chance of meeting more people there but i dont know where else to go!!!

staying in my house with my ******* parents every evening and weekend is driving me INSANE and i need to go out.

i just dont really know what to do anymore :S i'm 17, i should be going out with my friends, not being driven insane by my stupid parents.

[panicpanda]

Aww I know how you feel. I was the same at your age, and still am at 22. I've not once stepped foot in a club and never want to. Our society is a bit messed up and I will never understand people who get drunk every weekend. It sound the opposite of fun to me.

I can't offer any brilliant advice as I've just got by with my boyfriend and a good friend got me through college, always been a loner because I just don't get along with most people my own age.

Have you tried going to an evening class of something that interests you? Any hobbies or sports you can take up? This would be a good way of meeting people with more ambition than spending every Sunday hungover.

Good luck, and you're not the only one, I promise x

[Mirabelle]

You could try local groups in the evenings such as women's groups or activity groups, sport maybe or crafts. Find one doing an activity you like and you will meet others who like it too.
xx

[theharvestmouse]

Do some activity or hobby outside work that does not involve the usual drinking culture that you have talked about. It can take time to meet people who you click with and want to be good friends. I've had lots of friends, now I have practically none because I realised that I didn't want to just get drunk anymore.

Now I'm 30 and I'm back to spending a lot of time alone because my anxiety is making it difficult for me to go to a new social group but thats what I plan to do when I'm feeling up to it.

[debs71]

I don't have any helpful advice unfortunately keepcalmandcarryon, but I wanted you to know you are not alone.

I have spent most of my life as a loner. At high school/college I had one close friend only. I didn't like the 'normal' things others my age did - clubbing, getting hammered on bacardi breezers, etc. - and as far as many were concerned I was a bore. I preferred to stay at home with my family, watching loads of movies on video or listening to music. If I did go out it was only on my friend's birthday to a club (which she liked but I went along to please her) or to the cinema or a quiet pub.

I have always been introverted like you too. Always thinking and keeping myself to myself. I relate very much to all you say. I was EXACTLY like you at your age. I felt nothing like other people my age at 17.

I always found it very hard to make friends anyway, which is why I only had one or two close ones who I could be myself with. I never wanted a big group of friends.

Even now, at 40, I have no friends here in England to speak of. I have aquaintances, people I know to talk to, but no intimate friends.

My best friend lives in the Canary Islands, so we chat on Messenger, but I only see her every 4-5 months when I travel over.

Like you, I have no social life here at all. I spend almost 24/7 here with my parents. As I am still looking for work it means the only time outside I have is when I go shopping!

Half of me doesn't mind it, the other half does. I have never really needed friends to be honest, or been partularly lonely without them. I often wonder if I am strange because of that!? I think that I have been happily like this for so many years now, I am set in my ways, but that doesn't mean to say I am not up for a good time either, but just not one that involves copious amounts of booze and embarassingly 'larging it up'!

I spend much of my time alone, and get on with various things at home. At the moment I am doing an Open Uni course to fill my time.

I really just wanted to emphasise that there is nothing wrong with not 'going along with the crowd' and preferring your own likes and activities than what seems to lately be the national sport of young people, that being to go out, get legless, snog a random stranger and end the night lying in a heap on the pavement! ( That hasn't changes since I was a teen, lol)

I do agree with panicpanda though, that it sounds like a course/class might be a great way to meet people, who are more on your wavelength. There are also local youth groups that might be an idea, though I know they are hard to get up the courage to go to hun.

Work is also a very good place to meet people. I know at the mo your colleagues are of a different age range, but new people come in and out with work.

Often we meet people when we are not looking to as well....it just happens!

Big hugs to you.xxx:hugs:

[keepcalmandcarryon]

thanks everyone

i was havng such a bad day. i do have one or 2 friends, but i NEVER see them because we arent that close, so i just feel so lonely sometimes

thanks everyone xxxxx

[scowlingmaggot]

i am new and this is my first post on here, all things in this thread read, taken in and recognised, for a long time u think that ur the only one, this is not the case as i have found from reading just a few posts, chin up and hugs to u all, i have felt this way since i was 14 (27now) and i get jelous of my peers when they are always on bookface going ooooooh look at me and my 140000 friends, its false, strive forward for your goals and yourself not what other are doing, i deleted my facebook, and i feel loads better for having done that,(although i still have very few friends) i care a little less and dont feel so bad.

chin up and aim for the stars
xxxxx

[theharvestmouse]

I deleted my facebook a couple of years ago as well, I agree that its a false representation.

[magnesium]

no you are not alone, I am 40 and have no freinds/partner/family/etc. However i have learned that the behaviour of the other people you are describing is not necessarily all false. There are times i think that my brain chemistry/hormonal balance is just different for whatever reason and its during these periods that things that previously did not seem appealing all of a sudden just makes sense. This is often a fleeting experience but if i am honest it is during these moments that i feel the most normal.

To their way of thinking we are the strange ones.

hassaan

[mrk74]

you are not the only one, I have only one friend and we hang out about once every 2 - 3 months and thats it. My life is very lonely and depressing and will not change. which is why I want out. If only I could get hit by a bus or something.

[Haybee]

hey mrk74, i saw your thread earlier. please keep using these forums and the chatroom and reaching out to people. it sounds like you really need some support. your life CAN change, as lots of people on here will tell you i'm sure. there are loads of people on here who used to feel like you do, and things have got better.

[Haybee]

keepcalmandcarryon- it's normal to feel that way, lots of people dont like clubs. i think a lot of the time just a couple of people in a group of friends like clubbing, and everyone else goes along as they feel it's what they're expected to do or because they dont think anyone else would be interested in what they personally want to do.

i agree that you should join some clubs and take up some interests if possible, as its there you will find people you have things in common with, who may hopefully become friends :)