danbryn
20-11-11, 19:11
it started 4 years ago when i left school, i gradually didnt go out and see mates, or go to town as much i liked, didnt have a college place. i first went to the doctors when i was ill a year after that, i got told i had glandular fever, One thing led to another, Everyone around me kept saying u could have agoraphobia, i went against them and decided instead of going to the beach with my family ill walk to my mates on my own (15 mins away). I got half way and suddenly my heart beat went mad, I was extremely hot, hands started to sweat, I just wanted to run home, but the fear that no one would be in got to me more, so i rang my mum and they met me where i was, sitting on the side of the road panicking. After that my mum and dad got more worried about me, and took me to the doctors the next day. my appointment was at 9am, the first appointment so i wouldn't be stuck in a doctors surgery with loads of people. The doctor i saw could tell i was worried, i was shaking and felt dizzy, she said hes just got a little bit of anxiety, if he keeps going out, it will go.
6 months of trying to go out with my mum and dad when they wasn't working, i felt i was getting no where at all!
Went back to my doctors, She said things are hard and to keep at it, Printed me off a few sheets on getting back to work and gave me a relaxation cd.
at the time i thought argh this could be the answer!!
well months after listening and listening, i couldn't get the negative thoughts that came to mind every time i left the house.
back to the doctors i go...
my dad went with me and said that something really needs to happen, dan is doing nothing with his life and its hard work basing life around him (which they were). the doctor said ill get in touch with sorting out counselling for you.
So i left the doctors feeling great, knowing ill be getting help soon.
After waiting 4 months a counselor came to my house to question me and ask 1000 questions, An house later she said i should have cbt and talk to someone aswell.
So i waited another 3 months for a reply and a date to start cbt, a women came to mind, told me how its going to work and try and work out the best route to start off. then she started talking about her going on holiday and how she gets out :\. 3 sessions later, we decided she wasnt helping and my parents got mad at me for discontinuing from recieving there help, when i used to sit there an hour getting jealous and made to feel poo :weep:
i tried again with my parents, printed forms of the net about social anxiety etc. while i was still going through this my mum, dad, sister and her bf decided they wanted to move to lanzarote for a fresh start.
so i had to agree as i cant just stay in england on my own.
later in that year (November) we all decided to go there and look about for somewhere to rent and a buildin to start a cake business.
a week before the date we were flying out the for a week, i went to the doctors and asked for help as i cannot go out let alone go in an aeroplane, they prescribed me Diazepam, so i took that an hour before we left to go to the airport, and again before boarding the plane. i was 100%calm and myself, Which was the first time in 3 years i could say that !.
had the worst week of my life there, stayed in the hotel with someone all the time, had argument's, cried most days, counted down the days till i was going home.
when we got home every one was packing the house and getting ready to move. i went to the doctors and said i cant move, i just cannot do it.
my mum decided to stay here they went, we were heart broken.
3 months of arguing with them, they came back to England, to our family house..
On condition that we would move house.
in the meantime while my mum and dad were looking for somewhere to swap with, i went to the doctors and i was told my normal doctor has left. so i saw a new doctor, explained everything,. got prescribed citalopram and she said about starting cbt again so i had to do it, my life is nothing so boring and nothing to live for...
this is were im at..
we have moved to a quite part of town, im waiting for cbt date to start.
im not able to get out still but i managed to help move everything to our new house, well its a flat in a maisonette. Everyday is a struggle, im getting depressed with myself, still on citalopram. Hoping new year will the year i become myself. i struggle with social anxiety and general anxiety.
do u think cbt will help me ?
if anyone wants a friend, im here. i literally have no friends
Why is life so hard :emot-crying:
6 months of trying to go out with my mum and dad when they wasn't working, i felt i was getting no where at all!
Went back to my doctors, She said things are hard and to keep at it, Printed me off a few sheets on getting back to work and gave me a relaxation cd.
at the time i thought argh this could be the answer!!
well months after listening and listening, i couldn't get the negative thoughts that came to mind every time i left the house.
back to the doctors i go...
my dad went with me and said that something really needs to happen, dan is doing nothing with his life and its hard work basing life around him (which they were). the doctor said ill get in touch with sorting out counselling for you.
So i left the doctors feeling great, knowing ill be getting help soon.
After waiting 4 months a counselor came to my house to question me and ask 1000 questions, An house later she said i should have cbt and talk to someone aswell.
So i waited another 3 months for a reply and a date to start cbt, a women came to mind, told me how its going to work and try and work out the best route to start off. then she started talking about her going on holiday and how she gets out :\. 3 sessions later, we decided she wasnt helping and my parents got mad at me for discontinuing from recieving there help, when i used to sit there an hour getting jealous and made to feel poo :weep:
i tried again with my parents, printed forms of the net about social anxiety etc. while i was still going through this my mum, dad, sister and her bf decided they wanted to move to lanzarote for a fresh start.
so i had to agree as i cant just stay in england on my own.
later in that year (November) we all decided to go there and look about for somewhere to rent and a buildin to start a cake business.
a week before the date we were flying out the for a week, i went to the doctors and asked for help as i cannot go out let alone go in an aeroplane, they prescribed me Diazepam, so i took that an hour before we left to go to the airport, and again before boarding the plane. i was 100%calm and myself, Which was the first time in 3 years i could say that !.
had the worst week of my life there, stayed in the hotel with someone all the time, had argument's, cried most days, counted down the days till i was going home.
when we got home every one was packing the house and getting ready to move. i went to the doctors and said i cant move, i just cannot do it.
my mum decided to stay here they went, we were heart broken.
3 months of arguing with them, they came back to England, to our family house..
On condition that we would move house.
in the meantime while my mum and dad were looking for somewhere to swap with, i went to the doctors and i was told my normal doctor has left. so i saw a new doctor, explained everything,. got prescribed citalopram and she said about starting cbt again so i had to do it, my life is nothing so boring and nothing to live for...
this is were im at..
we have moved to a quite part of town, im waiting for cbt date to start.
im not able to get out still but i managed to help move everything to our new house, well its a flat in a maisonette. Everyday is a struggle, im getting depressed with myself, still on citalopram. Hoping new year will the year i become myself. i struggle with social anxiety and general anxiety.
do u think cbt will help me ?
if anyone wants a friend, im here. i literally have no friends
Why is life so hard :emot-crying: