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dawnym
30-05-06, 18:02
Yesterday we decided to go to the seaside my partner picked Withernsy as its quiet.
Ive never really noticed how much my OCD affects my life before.He wanted to go bowling but I couldnt as the thought of putting my feet in shoes that other people had wore filled me with fear.
The kids went into a ballpool and while I was sat waiting a group of people came beside me I felt like they were suffercating me.There was a few stood up but the main thing was the ones who were sat so close I kept stuffling up but they just took up the space I had made in the end I stood up.
I felt like I had totally spoilt it for everyone else.[V]
I enjoyed being outside as we walked along the front the fresh air was so nice.
My partner asked me what was wrong when we were sat I said I just felt overwhelmed by their presence,but the truth is I could smell the dirt I didnt want to tell him as he would have accused me of being a snob.
I feel awful for my actions but I just couldnt bere how it was making me feel.
lots of hugs Dawn xxxxxxx

jackie
30-05-06, 19:57
dawn at least you went. at least your tried and at least you let your kids enjoy the fun without subjecting them to your worries

you did well no punishing yourself there are enuf people out there that will do that for you

good for you

jackie

giddy
31-05-06, 07:47
Hi Dawn - well done for getting out to the seaside. Don't let how you reacted to those people spoil your day. A lot of people don't like their space to be invaded and other people to get too close (me for one!!) and wouuld have reacted in the same way as you.
Love Helen

jollywalrus
03-06-06, 09:21
Hi Dawn,

I thought I might reply to you as someone who sees OCD from the outside. My daughter has severe OCD and she wouldn't have been able to put her feet in bowling shoes either. We went on holiday recently and there were things she could manage, but things she couldn't. It is no problem to us as a family because we know that what she can't do today, she may feel better about tomorrow, or the next day or even next year. We just love her, just as your family love you, so please don't worry, one day things will change.

Love Christine

dawnym
04-06-06, 21:55
Thankyou for all your kind words it means so much.:D
I try so hard not to judge others but sometimes my OCD is so strong I cant help but react to it.
Its good to know Im not alone.
Dawn xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

mum2four
04-06-06, 23:04
Reading this made me feel sorry for you amd my self. I know the feeling of needing to move away from people it effects me everyday. If I smell a smell a smell from being near a person that dose not seem to agree with my nose then I have to move or I hold my breath as walk past or turn down wind or something. I cant stay near a smell person or not that dose not agree with my sences I feel like I suffecating or getting bad air or not geting enough oxegen ect. I will move away from people I try to stay but if it more than a fue min's I have to move. After move my head obsesses about the smel whether it be smoking or body oder or a strange perfume I end up thinking way to much about the smell and the person and what tahy do what do what there life might be life and why thay smell the way thay smell you name it can go threw my head. I also obsess about why I'm obsessing and why I'm being so picky or rude in my head or what ther person might be thinking about since I moved away from them ect ect ect. My head go's on and on beform my meds I use to tap when this was all happening and I use obsess about trying to stop my tapping and about trying to asses people attuides about my tapping and moods and if I thought people were getting angry about my tapping I use to think more and more and the tapping got worse and worse. When the tapping got really bad and got way to scared that some one was about to have a go at me for my tapping. I could not stop tapping unless i walked away and would freak out if anyone asked me stop anyway so if got the feeling someone was too anoyed i would walk away on my own and i would not beable to stop walking till I felt safe. I use to get images of walking in front of cars or standing in the middle of the road or hurting my self som how or hurting someone els who may be near me when i stop walking.

I doing better now on my meds but I still think to much and move away from people. I still walk away some times but normally only with people I know now in stead of also from strangers all day every day. I still have bus stop issues. as people alway gosip and smoke and they set me off still a little.

If you can stay put longer and longer each time this should get better. I try to stay and convince my self I'm over reacting cause other people dont apear to be bothered by what I'm bothered by it works to som degree but it still not all gone. I'm getting better still and have a long way to go still.