lindor
24-11-11, 20:18
Apart from one thing I really dont really have anything to be guilty about but I get guilt panic attacks.
I first experienced panic attacks when I was 30 (I am now 67) when married to my first husband who was a possesive bully who was always accusing me of affairs (although i never did, I'd be too scared too). I managed to get these under control on my own and then when I was 37 we divorced.
I met and married a much nicer, calmer, easy going man and had a son by him (I had 3 children by my first marriage)
I never suffered panic attacks then for many years.
But 6 years ago I was diagnosed with hepatitus C, it was traced back to a blood transfusion I had to have after my youngest son was born in 1982.
My eldest son was horrified I had got that because he himself was a drug user and yet was clean. He was a problem to me at the time, having two broken relationships and a son each by these women.
He was such a difficult person like his father, my ex. I let him live with us several times but we always ended up rowing.
Anyway to cut a long story short, he committed suicide 6 months after I was diagnosed. We had been rowing and I had asked him to leave, hence now the guilt.
I went through 6 months of harsh chemo treatment to kill the Hep C virus and I cleared it. But then my eldest daughter fell out with me for a year because i critisised her drinking (it worried me) but we all carried my son's guilt.
thats when my panic attacks flared up.
At first I panicked for no reason.
I was on ciprolax for about 6 months and then felt better and came off them. but then the panics started again a year later.
The stupid thing is I panic over guilt! The thought of infedelity in marriage panics me. TV soaps when people have affairs panic me. its as if I have done that but I havent, yet I panic as if I have!
I get scared I will crack up and confess to things I have never done.
it really scares me.
I guess it is all the guilt since Shane died but I cant shake it off.
I first experienced panic attacks when I was 30 (I am now 67) when married to my first husband who was a possesive bully who was always accusing me of affairs (although i never did, I'd be too scared too). I managed to get these under control on my own and then when I was 37 we divorced.
I met and married a much nicer, calmer, easy going man and had a son by him (I had 3 children by my first marriage)
I never suffered panic attacks then for many years.
But 6 years ago I was diagnosed with hepatitus C, it was traced back to a blood transfusion I had to have after my youngest son was born in 1982.
My eldest son was horrified I had got that because he himself was a drug user and yet was clean. He was a problem to me at the time, having two broken relationships and a son each by these women.
He was such a difficult person like his father, my ex. I let him live with us several times but we always ended up rowing.
Anyway to cut a long story short, he committed suicide 6 months after I was diagnosed. We had been rowing and I had asked him to leave, hence now the guilt.
I went through 6 months of harsh chemo treatment to kill the Hep C virus and I cleared it. But then my eldest daughter fell out with me for a year because i critisised her drinking (it worried me) but we all carried my son's guilt.
thats when my panic attacks flared up.
At first I panicked for no reason.
I was on ciprolax for about 6 months and then felt better and came off them. but then the panics started again a year later.
The stupid thing is I panic over guilt! The thought of infedelity in marriage panics me. TV soaps when people have affairs panic me. its as if I have done that but I havent, yet I panic as if I have!
I get scared I will crack up and confess to things I have never done.
it really scares me.
I guess it is all the guilt since Shane died but I cant shake it off.