Replacing one fear with another

[miss polly]

No sooner have my fears been allayed about one anxiety, another sneaks in. I'm utterly and totally exhausted by the worry.
Why am I like this and why is it getting worse? Growing up I was never anxious. Fearless as a teenager and into my early twenties, then along came my kids (Whom I adore) and BAM everything changed. I turned into a nervous wreck, terrified something would happen to them or me because who could possibly ever love them and care for them the way I did. As the years have gone on my brain now seems hard wired into a pattern of anxiety which is mainly focused on health. Mine and my loved ones.
I'm 50 now and feel that all the cancers and diseases that I always feared are now more likely to occur than ever (pretty unlikely to get bowel cancer when you're 20 but practically a cert when you're 50!) I know I'm wasting my life in terror, but how do I stop it and change into the care free person I was so long ago?
I just want to be normal and actually live my life rather than lurch from one imagined health issue to another over and over and over again. Apart from anything else I'm bored with it. Bored of googling symptoms in fear and panic. Bored with the cold dread. I need to change.
I was overweight, I'm now slim. I eat healthily, I exercise, I take vitamins and supplements. I thought that would make me feel better and more in control. I've changed my body and my lifestyle but how do I change my thoughts?

[Fly away Katie]

Hello, I know exactly how you feel.

For example, for the past 3 weeks I've had a tension headache which took over my life with worry and panic that it was something awful and that it would never go away. I never worried about ANYTHING else. JUST THAT.

BUT NOW, it's recently subsided (thank god) BUT now I have a tight chest and can't breath properly and now i'm worried about that.

There's just not let up. It's literally one worry to the next xxx

[brooke]

:hugs:Hi miss Polly.

The way you think and feel do change over time, and no longer do we feel as relaxed about things and yes your not alone i to worry about health fears and worry about my children or myself dying or even my husband. It scares me to the point im reduced to tears and start panicing.
You are doing all you can do in life to make your life as healthy as you can. Well done. Just try to stay positive and focus on the good things going on in your life.

[Humly]

I know exactly what you mean. I had one thing after another. I would fret and worry for months on end over one thing, then something else would come along and I would move onto that. Its not only health worries for me though, I worry about everything and now its a non health issue that has tipped me over the edge so that I am on meds for the first time in 10 years. You are not alone.

[ElizabethJane]

Hi Miss Polly I'm fifty too. It is important to look after yourself and it sounds as if you are doing this. If there is no good reason to worry about your health ie family history of cancer or a particular disease then therapy such as CBT might help to change your thoughts. My Mother died of MND aged sixty one but if I dwell on this thought then I will be unable to live my life. I could get this devastating illness but the chances are that I won't. Somehow you need to replace a negative thought with a positive one unless there is a good reason to think otherwise. It isn't easy to think like this but over time negative thoughts will be replaced by positive ones the essence of CBT. EJ.

[miss polly]

Thanks very much for your understanding replies! :hugs: I'm so sorry that so many of us have to live our lives this way. Life is so short and should be for living not worrying about dying and disease. Unfortunately my dad died of oesophageal cancer when he was 60 and my mum has a horrible neurological disease (progressive supranuclear palsy) which is sort of like motor neurone with dementia thrown in for good measure, which started in her early sixties . I look after her which doesn't help my HA one little bit and the both my parents succumbing to ill health doesn't bode well for me!
I hope one day we can all find some way to overcome our fears, live for the day and enjoy our lives xx

[Maxine1001]

hiya, i find im the same, you need to find where your root worry is coming from and work with that to overcome it

mine started with a faint from iron deficiency anemia and just mushroomed from there. Ive been back and forth to the doctors, i constanly feel that once one thing has gone i tend to focus on something else that seems wrong with me and it works up into a state where i cant take my mind off of it and im back at the docs getting more tests, its horrible

Have you teid CBT? thats the vest thing ive found, im still having counseling but its made such a massive difference i feel already, it may help you :)

[skip]

Anxiety is the result of trying to figure out tomorrow today and this often stems from a volatile childhood. It can be hard to learn to live in the now, where God is. But we need to learn and we need to learn to do it on purpose. We will worry less if we learn to focus on today, just today, no tomorrow or the day after. Many of our worries are either about future events or something in the past. Learn to take things one at a time and refuse to worry and think excessively. Don't let all your situations snowball into one big mess.

[miss polly]

I haven't tried CBT Maxine ,although my doctor did suggest it so maybe I'll speak to her again about it. I feel I need some sort of tool to help me work through this is as I'm at a complete loss as to how to move out of this mindset. The more I try not to think about anxieties the more I think about them! I feel like a need a mind wash!
My childhood was pretty volatile and uncertain Skip and your words are wise. I over think things and before I know it I have myself/family diagnosed with a terminal illness ~ what a way to live! :unsure: xx

[Gemma T]

Anxiety is the result of trying to figure out tomorrow today and this often stems from a volatile childhood. It can be hard to learn to live in the now, where God is. But we need to learn and we need to learn to do it on purpose. We will worry less if we learn to focus on today, just today, no tomorrow or the day after. Many of our worries are either about future events or something in the past. Learn to take things one at a time and refuse to worry and think excessively. Don't let all your situations snowball into one big mess.

I love your message, really aspiring for us all.

[I Will Overcome]

Anxiety is the result of trying to figure out tomorrow today and this often stems from a volatile childhood. It can be hard to learn to live in the now, where God is. But we need to learn and we need to learn to do it on purpose. We will worry less if we learn to focus on today, just today, no tomorrow or the day after. Many of our worries are either about future events or something in the past. Learn to take things one at a time and refuse to worry and think excessively. Don't let all your situations snowball into one big mess.

Very well said. I grew up in an anxious household, and being as sensitive as I am, it was hard to live with. My anxiety started when it was found that I had suffered a back injury when very young, but only manifested itself into what it is now, in 2007. It is gradually getting worse, it will never be better and there is no surgery to help it. I had to hide my problems because no one wants to hear that when one is running a business and they count on you. In Sept. this year I finally just let go of the business such as it was. That caused me to become even further depressed and anxious. I have had to rely on friends ... who added pressure by not hearing me and consequently pushing their unreasonable and unfair expectations on me. I have never done this to them ... ever. It has been hell. As for the worrying ... good lord .. it never ends. I don't feel that I am being over reactionary or unreasonable ... I have good reason to worry. Given what I have experienced with people who I should have been able to count on, people lying to me, talking behind my back etc. I finally relented and agreed to try Ciprolax about four days ago. I do worry about taking yet another medication on top of all the other medications .. by the same token I was worrying myself into the ground ... I know this might sound silly .. but I have a dog .. he is my best friend .. so for his sake, I knew I had to do something. As for the shitty people ... I am working to move away from them all. I never realised how selfish they really are. They are all takers ... wanting me to be there for them, which I always have been. But they are not there for me. Hard to find out after 15 or 16 years of "friendship" but at least I know. I can only handle one day at time, lately only one hour at a time .. and that is just fine with me. Sorry for the rambling .. my weird way of saying you're not alone, keep trying and keep talking .... I am so happy to have found a safe place to share my concerns, learn new ways to cope, and just not having to fight to be heard and understood. oxoxox:bighug1: