pfreakster
26-11-11, 17:24
Hey there! I've been suffering from a myriad of really annoying symptoms for 8 years now, but i have never dared ask myself what they were and try to identify them. I've been in touch with a few psychiatrists ever since it started, but i've pretty much just said that it feels like everything is gray.
I've never dared talk about the -whole- problem (because i haven't dared identify it myself) and i've always thought i can get started again if i just get this short break.
Well, to the problem - Since this summer, i've been seeing a psychiatrist regularly and decided to try to hang in there until i can function like a normal person again (i've messed up high-school more than once and i'm 23 years old; i just don't function). Now, about three weeks ago, i had a meeting and was prescribed a new med (clomipramine). I also said i had had pretty bad anxiety since our last visit. So i got oxazepam to combat the side-effects and to handle episodes of anxiety.
Thing is, i quit the clomipramine after just a few days. The side-effects were just too much. What i didn't stop doing was taking the oxazepam when i felt hindered. And... It's insane. It helps me do things i haven't been able to do for years. I manage getting out of bed without crawling to the shower to hide. I manage getting out from my apartment every day without panicking. Normally, whole weeks can be "grey" for me, with depression and anxiety taking turns. Since i started with the oxazepam, i've had half a day like that.
For the first time since i was 15 years old, i feel enabled. I feel like i can do what i want to do. I feel i can be the nice and well-mannered person i want to be and used to be. I feel like i have a future. Sometimes i feel so happy i cry. It's like meeting a really loved friend you thought was lost forever. I don't take it every day and even on the days i haven't taken it, i still feel happier than i have for so many years. It's like... Just doing the things i haven't been able to do for ages cracks them open, so i can do them again without being completely blocked. It feels like this might be the beginning of the road back to "normal me". I know benzodiazpines like oxazepam can be addictive and problematic in the long term for some people, though... And that's my problem.
How do i tell my psychiatrist about this without it seeming like drug-seeking behaviour (i have never in my 8 years as a patient asked for anything psychoactive and even said i would prefer not to take anything funny).
Are there any alternatives to the oxazepam? Like Pregabaline, does it work? If it wouldn't, how bad would it be to have the oxazepam long-term? I know from a few years when i was younger that i have no problem quitting alcohol, even after weeks of daily drinking. Could that be a sign the oxazepam would not be addictive for me? I'm super-scared of ever becoming addicted to anything (quitting smoking was hard), but these last two weeks have given me hope i might become "normal me" some day again. I don't want to lose that.
Please, if anyone knows anything that could help, please please tell me. I don't want to lose this again, ever.
I've never dared talk about the -whole- problem (because i haven't dared identify it myself) and i've always thought i can get started again if i just get this short break.
Well, to the problem - Since this summer, i've been seeing a psychiatrist regularly and decided to try to hang in there until i can function like a normal person again (i've messed up high-school more than once and i'm 23 years old; i just don't function). Now, about three weeks ago, i had a meeting and was prescribed a new med (clomipramine). I also said i had had pretty bad anxiety since our last visit. So i got oxazepam to combat the side-effects and to handle episodes of anxiety.
Thing is, i quit the clomipramine after just a few days. The side-effects were just too much. What i didn't stop doing was taking the oxazepam when i felt hindered. And... It's insane. It helps me do things i haven't been able to do for years. I manage getting out of bed without crawling to the shower to hide. I manage getting out from my apartment every day without panicking. Normally, whole weeks can be "grey" for me, with depression and anxiety taking turns. Since i started with the oxazepam, i've had half a day like that.
For the first time since i was 15 years old, i feel enabled. I feel like i can do what i want to do. I feel i can be the nice and well-mannered person i want to be and used to be. I feel like i have a future. Sometimes i feel so happy i cry. It's like meeting a really loved friend you thought was lost forever. I don't take it every day and even on the days i haven't taken it, i still feel happier than i have for so many years. It's like... Just doing the things i haven't been able to do for ages cracks them open, so i can do them again without being completely blocked. It feels like this might be the beginning of the road back to "normal me". I know benzodiazpines like oxazepam can be addictive and problematic in the long term for some people, though... And that's my problem.
How do i tell my psychiatrist about this without it seeming like drug-seeking behaviour (i have never in my 8 years as a patient asked for anything psychoactive and even said i would prefer not to take anything funny).
Are there any alternatives to the oxazepam? Like Pregabaline, does it work? If it wouldn't, how bad would it be to have the oxazepam long-term? I know from a few years when i was younger that i have no problem quitting alcohol, even after weeks of daily drinking. Could that be a sign the oxazepam would not be addictive for me? I'm super-scared of ever becoming addicted to anything (quitting smoking was hard), but these last two weeks have given me hope i might become "normal me" some day again. I don't want to lose that.
Please, if anyone knows anything that could help, please please tell me. I don't want to lose this again, ever.