PANIC it just wont go away .......

[Mepanicalways]

Not feeling great today anxiety levels up there with mount everist and attacks one after the other .
My anxiety and panic attacks are all down to health issues after having cancer of the thyroid x2 now I feel like my whole life is taken up with constant bloody fear of the C word and any other health issues that creep in to my head .
Tomorrow I have a hospital check up with my oncologist doctor which I was not worrying about but last night I felt what I think is a lump on the top of my neck near my spine and now my mind is working overtime and I am thinking oh s**t . I have now worried my self in to a full blown panic overdrive and as i sit and type this my body aches and my head just dont feel like it belongs to me .
My husband has put up with me being like this for a good few years but he always tell me to pull myself together you do it to yourself .....Yes I Know but i just wish just once you can understand what it is like to go through a panic attack , how it makes you feel , I would like to talk to keep my mind occupied when they strike but he wont talk to me . I feel like my mum is the only one who understands but I dont think its fair to burden her all the time with it . I feel at an all time low again and can't see a way out .:weep:

[sleeplesschild]

I was told by my therapist not to fight it but to sit and accept it. It is a horrible feeling, it really is and it's not easy at all to simply sit and let a panic attack occur. It's a shame your husband doesn't understand, I hope this isn't putting too much of a strain on you both.

What is it about the C/health that frightens you?

I'm the same with heart attacks, I fear having one and it killing me. I fear any kind of bad illness killing me, I fear dying full-stop. Even though I know if I did die I wouldn't be aware of it, the fear still lingers around. The worst part is you never get that proper near death experience even though at the time you really believe you're going to die. There is no "I'm going to make the most of my life!" or anything, it just seems to be more fear which does the total opposite.

When I get extremely scared I try to be around people and just sit doing a word search. I'm slowly trying to make it so I'm doing none but for now it's all I can handle without going insane. I try and focus on finishing the puzzle. If I'm travelling around and don't have one I play the ABC game with myself. Which is listing films, bands, fruits, breed of cats, whatever your interest is! To each letter, an example:
A - American Beauty
B - Beauty And The Beast
C - The Cat Returns

The trick is to try and bring yourself back to the present moment and just accept these horrible feelings as if it was something from a cold. Soon your body will accept it is not a threat.

Hope some of these helped.