emmasaurus
30-11-11, 12:55
hi all. i've been struggling with severe general anxiety/health anxiety/panic disorder since february this year. although i've always been a worrier, this came pretty much out of the blue, and i've been unable to work or live anything like a normal life since - in fact, for the first few months i couldn't tolerate being left alone for more than a few seconds, i was so convinced that something utterly catastrophic was happening to me. i genuinely woke each morning entirely convinced that i wouldn't see out the afternoon. i was rushed to a&e on an almost daily basis - it quickly became the only place i felt 'safe'. the physical symptoms have been crippling.
my gp has been wonderful, though. he always makes time to see me and patiently explains the 'mechanics' behind my more worrisome symptoms (although i still worry excessively - mostly about possible complications with my head/heart). the problem is, i'm taking a lot of medication (45mg mirtazapine, 500mg pregabalin and 200mg quetiapine) and (after almost eleven months) i'm still struggling. i'm incredibly agorophobic. i can only handle being left on my own for five or six hour stretches. the physical symptoms still plague me, and i'm becoming increasingly desperate - and depressed. i rely heavily on my boyfriend and my parents (i'm twenty-six, so this in itself bothers me) and i struggle to maintain contact with my friends (you can only refuse so many invitations before they - and the calls, texts and e-mails - start to trail off, you know?).
i love to read the wonderful success stories here on the forum, but a lot of them seem to begin with individuals finally giving in to the lure of medication after trying to do without for some time, then suddenly experiencing relief from their symptoms - in such a profound way that they're free to focus on piecing their lives back together. i'm worried that i've experienced no such relief - that even on the doses detailed above i'm still overwhelmed by my symptoms each and every day.
i recently started a course of cbt, and i realise i'm extremely lucky to receive the treatment on the nhs, but all i can think is, 'my god, what if it doesn't work? what if i'm in the minority, and it just won't help me? what if i have to live another year like this, or the rest of my life?' i just don't know what to do. i'm losing hope.
my gp has been wonderful, though. he always makes time to see me and patiently explains the 'mechanics' behind my more worrisome symptoms (although i still worry excessively - mostly about possible complications with my head/heart). the problem is, i'm taking a lot of medication (45mg mirtazapine, 500mg pregabalin and 200mg quetiapine) and (after almost eleven months) i'm still struggling. i'm incredibly agorophobic. i can only handle being left on my own for five or six hour stretches. the physical symptoms still plague me, and i'm becoming increasingly desperate - and depressed. i rely heavily on my boyfriend and my parents (i'm twenty-six, so this in itself bothers me) and i struggle to maintain contact with my friends (you can only refuse so many invitations before they - and the calls, texts and e-mails - start to trail off, you know?).
i love to read the wonderful success stories here on the forum, but a lot of them seem to begin with individuals finally giving in to the lure of medication after trying to do without for some time, then suddenly experiencing relief from their symptoms - in such a profound way that they're free to focus on piecing their lives back together. i'm worried that i've experienced no such relief - that even on the doses detailed above i'm still overwhelmed by my symptoms each and every day.
i recently started a course of cbt, and i realise i'm extremely lucky to receive the treatment on the nhs, but all i can think is, 'my god, what if it doesn't work? what if i'm in the minority, and it just won't help me? what if i have to live another year like this, or the rest of my life?' i just don't know what to do. i'm losing hope.