theharvestmouse
02-12-11, 19:23
Been on Citalopram for a month and just started CBT, I'm managing to work part time and my anxiety has reduced a bit but I'm not exactly making progress in terms of getting on with my life. My day to day life is just go to work and go home, and maybe go for a walk sometimes.
I just feel very unhappy with my life, I'm really lacking motivation to do anything, the tablets make me tired, and I don't always sleep well. SO when I get home from work I feel exhausted and unable to do anything. I wanted to start going to a yoga class but it clashes with work. I want to do things to improve my social life but at the moment I'm knackered, its a vicious circle because to stop the anxiety I'm on meds and they are making me tired and I'm not going to do anything.
This is a bit of a moan but I'm just fed up, its not been a really bad week for my anxiety but it does not make me feel any happier. In the end I start thinking whats the point because I'm just as unhappy as when the anxiety is bad. I'm fed up of telling myself in 6 months my life will be different, next year everything will change, I've been saying this for years.
I have horrible thoughts like if someone took the decision upon themselves to end my life then I would not be that bothered. I start thinking that if I was killed in an accident then it would be a blessing in disguise as it would end this lonely existence. I've thought about those people who have killed themselves and have had far more to live for than I have. The death of Gary Speed scared me because I thought well if he's killed himself and he had a beautiful wife and 2 kids and had millions in the bank then what does that say.
I will be ok, I just need a good nights sleep and things might seem better.
If anyone reads this then Thanks as its just a rant and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I hate anxiety and shyness, its ruined my life up to now.
:weep:
I just feel very unhappy with my life, I'm really lacking motivation to do anything, the tablets make me tired, and I don't always sleep well. SO when I get home from work I feel exhausted and unable to do anything. I wanted to start going to a yoga class but it clashes with work. I want to do things to improve my social life but at the moment I'm knackered, its a vicious circle because to stop the anxiety I'm on meds and they are making me tired and I'm not going to do anything.
This is a bit of a moan but I'm just fed up, its not been a really bad week for my anxiety but it does not make me feel any happier. In the end I start thinking whats the point because I'm just as unhappy as when the anxiety is bad. I'm fed up of telling myself in 6 months my life will be different, next year everything will change, I've been saying this for years.
I have horrible thoughts like if someone took the decision upon themselves to end my life then I would not be that bothered. I start thinking that if I was killed in an accident then it would be a blessing in disguise as it would end this lonely existence. I've thought about those people who have killed themselves and have had far more to live for than I have. The death of Gary Speed scared me because I thought well if he's killed himself and he had a beautiful wife and 2 kids and had millions in the bank then what does that say.
I will be ok, I just need a good nights sleep and things might seem better.
If anyone reads this then Thanks as its just a rant and I'm feeling sorry for myself. I hate anxiety and shyness, its ruined my life up to now.
:weep: