I don't know what to do

[desperatelyscared]

My life is so bad at the moment. I have no friends or family and being kicked out of this place I am staying soon enough unless I find some place to buy as quick as possible. I'm in a strange town and I can't work cos I've been ill for ages really and now I am getting really bad panic and huge pressure and pain in my head all the time, especially at the thought of the future. Living alone. First time ever. I don't know what to do. I wish someone could help me or be my friend in real life. I'm pretty much abandoned by everyone and feel like I am going completely insane. I've had loads of experience with doctors and every drug I have taken in the past has failed to change things for me. I don't know what to do anymore as I have noone to talk to or turn to. People who could help me are abroad and unable to for the time being. Does anyone know any way at all I can help this panic stuff go away or to help my situation? My head is going to explode and I am having all sorts of "am I psychotic or going to go psychotic?" feelings. I'm totally lost and confused. I broke up with someone I was with for 9 years and came to stay with a friend who has more than made it clear I am not wanted a moment longer and that I am not his friend anymore, especially once I leave. I've never even been to this town before and have a lot of social phobia, masses of anxiety, also OCD and depression, plus the panic attacks and have had in the past small "breaks" which I fear I would get again and never recover from. I don't believe things are real at times. I know they are and I doubt (well hope) I'd never get another of these "breakdown" things, but extremely scared of them. If I knew anyone in real, or even someone cared, perhaps I might feel not like this and I wish the impossible, but to not be alone and someone to help me. The last thing I want is to go insane or hurt myself in any way and I won't go down that route. I can't believe this is even happening to me. Sorry for this post. I don't mean to anger anyone.

[JayK]

<b id="quote">quote:</b id="quote"><table border="0" id="quote"><tr id="quote"><td class="quote" id="quote">My life is so bad at the moment. I have no friends or family and being kicked out of this place I am staying soon enough unless I find some place to buy as quick as possible. I'm in a strange town and I can't work cos I've been ill for ages really and now I am getting really bad panic and huge pressure and pain in my head all the time, especially at the thought of the future. Living alone. First time ever. I don't know what to do. I wish someone could help me or be my friend in real life. I'm pretty much abandoned by everyone and feel like I am going completely insane. I've had loads of experience with doctors and every drug I have taken in the past has failed to change things for me. I don't know what to do anymore as I have noone to talk to or turn to. People who could help me are abroad and unable to for the time being. Does anyone know any way at all I can help this panic stuff go away or to help my situation? My head is going to explode and I am having all sorts of "am I psychotic or going to go psychotic?" feelings. I'm totally lost and confused. I broke up with someone I was with for 9 years and came to stay with a friend who has more than made it clear I am not wanted a moment longer and that I am not his friend anymore, especially once I leave. I've never even been to this town before and have a lot of social phobia, masses of anxiety, also OCD and depression, plus the panic attacks and have had in the past small "breaks" which I fear I would get again and never recover from. I don't believe things are real at times. I know they are and I doubt (well hope) I'd never get another of these "breakdown" things, but extremely scared of them. If I knew anyone in real, or even someone cared, perhaps I might feel not like this and I wish the impossible, but to not be alone and someone to help me. The last thing I want is to go insane or hurt myself in any way and I won't go down that route. I can't believe this is even happening to me. Sorry for this post. I don't mean to anger anyone.

<div align="right">Originally posted by desperatelyscared - 02 June 2006 : 01:34:27</div id="right">
</td id="quote"></tr id="quote"></table id="quote">

Here is the good news.
You found nomorepanic.co.uk and you are about to find out that practically every single sensation and emotion you are experiencing is NORMAL.
Not nice but normal.

You almost wont believe this but your situation is VERY similar to my situation when in the 'worst' of the 'worst'.

*You are not going 'Psychotic' (yeesh, that one is now more popular than Schizophrenia now!)
Your not.
You are 'Fearing' going psychotic... which is the very proof you are not.

*You are experiencing some moments of 'Disassociation' which is exactly what your mind will do when you overload on scary and anxious thoughts..and think of them, run them over and over etc.

*There is absolutely no doubt whatsoever you can and WILL overcome every single symptom.
There is no question about it.

BTW.. 'Hurting yourself' or 'Hurting others' is also a sure sign you will NOT do such a thing.
You are experiencing a phenom with anxiety and panic in which your constantly unable to find a real physical threat to explain the panic response.
So.
Your imagination then comes up with your 'worst fears'.
The fact these ARE the things you are the most afraid of is the very point of them.

Anyways, I just wanted to make those points very clear.
The very minute you stop believing and entertaining those 'scary thoughts' will be the first step in calming down.

btw.. you are not going to have a 'nervous breakdown' other than your mind will eventually 'shut er down'
Its a healthy response to the non-stop anxious and scary thoughts its being force to handle.
again.. the 'nothing seems real' is a sure sign of that.

[PurpleRain]

Hi,
Im sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. I can totally relate to how you are feeling,i know having this anxiety can be such a lonely experience.
You can get better and you have come to the right place here,so many people here will offer you support and understanding.
Please feel free to pm me anytime if you need to chat or anything,i know how lonely it can be,having anxiety is bad enough but when you feel so alone it is all the more scary!

I have recently read a book written by a doctor called claire weekes who wrote about nervous illness and how to help yourself overcome it,it has helped me so much i recommend reading one of her books if you can.It helped me understand how and why i feel the way i do,its very comforting.
Take care xx

[shiv]

My goodness, I really feel for you as I've been where you are but here I am almost completely recovered and although you can't see it now you WILL recover too. I can't give you a magic answer as to how or when but it will come.

Have you been to your GP about this? If not then do so ASAP! Ask about CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) and if all else fails ask about anti-depressants or anti-anxiety drugs. There were several factors in my recovery:

1)This site!

2)Changing my diet ie. cut out the crap, no caffeine, no alcohol etc

3)Becoming more active

You can do it, just stick with us and you'll get soooooo much support here.

Take care

Shiv x

[MrMonkey]

I have nothing to add really. It's all good advice here, and I would just be repeating what they said, but I wanted to show my support. It feels horrible when you are like that but it DOES improve. This site has so many ways to help you . Just read any post and I promise you'll find some advice that will help you too.

all the best to you,

* * *
It's just my high anxiety getting to the best of me. I call him Bingbongilypoop. Then I can laugh at him cos he has a funny name. HAHA! [points]

[kimmy]

hey mate Im really sorry your having it a bit roungh at the mo.
Ive read through your post and plase dont take it personal but there alot off "maybe" "what ifs" etc. Your just experienceing anxiety and displaing the typical symptooms. Have you asked about cognitive behavior therapy or counselling too. Mediaction wont work if you dont know what is behind all of this. When my anxiety first started i had the same symtoms as you, I was absolutly petrefied. The tablkets were calming it a little, but I went to counselling at the first oppertunity I had and It was brilliant. I learnt why I began and was feeling the way I did, I have learnt new skills to recognise and calm myself. My anxiety is virtually gone, I am still on med but I will come of them in time with the support of my GP.

Have you tried asking about any local support groups? you may make friends when your there, counselling, there is always the samaritans to talk and there is also another line called Sane. You could contact your local MInd office, see if they can help or offer you any advice of local groups.

I wish you all the best for the future and good luck. You can di it!! Be more positive and take each day as it comes and not think about the future too much. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[darkangel]

hi

just read your thread and the replies and i dont have much to add as its all good advice everyone has said to you.

I can see you are having a terrible time just now, but try not add to your anxiety by worrying about the "What ifs" - this makes the symptoms worse .

Just wanted to let u know I am thinking about you and keep coming on to this site for support and advice.

Take care

Darkangel





........life is for living not just for surviving

[desperatelyscared]

Thank you very much all. It does help to know I am not going insane as I feared. I guess I am feeling so bad because of how I am being treated here. I am totally confused and started getting all sorts of odd thoughts which scare me even more. I don't know what to do and I will look into going to find some groups. I feel trapped in my mind. I feel trapped in my situation. I feel trapped in this miserable time alone with a very odd person I live with who treats me oddly and gives me mixed messages and odd ideas about things. I'm feeling like I am never going to make it out or I will just get so bad I'll be hospitalised or something. Logically my fears are unfounded but as I have OCD I have a massive amount of doubt about things. Odd behaviour scares me and adds to my helpnessness. I feel bound to be stuck in this depression/whatever forever. I feel hopeless about the future and am analyzing everything far too much. I don't want to be declared insane by some doctor but I can see that what I am feeling is a natural progression from how things started out. If you hear things you shouldn't you wonder what someone is about after all and when they display contradictory behaviour you get confused and start thinking things. The main thing I feel is extremely harassed and under pressure. Thinking mad thoughts. Just confused.

Thanks for the kind messages of support. Just at wits end and I am extremely anxious and worried of stupid things. I just want out but never ever ever feel that I will get on with my life or just feel things which are terrible are going to happen and they make me despair. If I am right I am catatrophizing things. Another OCD/anxiety thing. Knowing what things are doesn't make them less scarey cos of the doubting. I'm stuck!

Sorry if this is depressing. Guess it's just the way I feel.

[PurpleRain]

Hello,
Good to hear from you again,please do not worry as you are not going insane,the feelings and thoughts that you have are normal for someone in your situation and you can get better.
A couple of months ago i really thought i was beyond help,i felt trapped like you and could not see a way out. Now i am starting to see light at the end of the tunnel,its still very dim but im starting to see that there is life after all this depression and panic.
Group work sounds like a great idea,you can meet people and make new friends with people who can really understand how you are feeling.
This is a good step in the right direction and sounds positive.
Your living situation at the moment dosnt sound like its helping you,hopefully when you start feeling better you can move somewhere you feel more comfortable.

Like i said before a book written by claire weekes has really helped me recently,it gave me a real understanding of why ive been feeling the way i have,its very comforting.Being able to understand this illness and how it affects us helps a lot!


Take care and let us know how you are getting on xx