TheMonster
03-12-11, 07:37
I am only 19 years old, but for as long as I can remember, I have had high anxiety, and obsessions. I remember when I was little making myself walk on leaves in the fall or "something would happen". My OCD and anxiety grew in fifth grade when my teacher taught us about HIV/aids. I didn't realize at the time that the other person had to be infected with it to receive it. I thought whenever two peoples blood would mix, it would happen. So I spent two or three years washing my hands constantly until my parents were concerned and cut me off from the sink, wearing wet clothes because I was afraid the dryer was infected, and failing school entirely because it was so overwhelming.
That was when my train of thought really sophisticated itself. I spent six months to a year feeling like I was in a dream. I was a total hypochondriac. And I would have to hide my dry hands from everyone.
At 18 I got pregnant. Pregnancy, along with my fiancé, really distracted me. He understand completely how I feel, what triggers my OCD and panic attacks, and can help prevent one before I even know it (LOVE HIM! Haha). He's had a few behavioral disorders of his own.
Then my fiancé was shipped to Naval boot camp when I was 8 months pregnant. Meaning he would miss our daughters birth. That was very hard on both of us. He got to meet her at a week old at his graduation. We got nine hours together as a family, and then he was shipped over a thousand miles away to another base for training. He has been gone for almost a year. We have had a lot of rough times, making my OCD/anxiety worsen. Him coming home on a week of leave every once in a while has helped emensly though.
I think the birth of my daughter has made my mental state much worse. I have had postpartum depression, and my OCD/anxiety has never been this bad. It's to the point where no matter how much lotion is on my hands, I have cuts up to my elbows. My hands are WORSE than sandpaper and they are starting to scar. I'm so paranoid about my food bein poisoned I will go a day or two without eating. I could go on for hours.
But this site is amazing, and I'm so happy I found it! :)
That was when my train of thought really sophisticated itself. I spent six months to a year feeling like I was in a dream. I was a total hypochondriac. And I would have to hide my dry hands from everyone.
At 18 I got pregnant. Pregnancy, along with my fiancé, really distracted me. He understand completely how I feel, what triggers my OCD and panic attacks, and can help prevent one before I even know it (LOVE HIM! Haha). He's had a few behavioral disorders of his own.
Then my fiancé was shipped to Naval boot camp when I was 8 months pregnant. Meaning he would miss our daughters birth. That was very hard on both of us. He got to meet her at a week old at his graduation. We got nine hours together as a family, and then he was shipped over a thousand miles away to another base for training. He has been gone for almost a year. We have had a lot of rough times, making my OCD/anxiety worsen. Him coming home on a week of leave every once in a while has helped emensly though.
I think the birth of my daughter has made my mental state much worse. I have had postpartum depression, and my OCD/anxiety has never been this bad. It's to the point where no matter how much lotion is on my hands, I have cuts up to my elbows. My hands are WORSE than sandpaper and they are starting to scar. I'm so paranoid about my food bein poisoned I will go a day or two without eating. I could go on for hours.
But this site is amazing, and I'm so happy I found it! :)