MarkJames3
04-12-11, 13:41
Hi guys,
Newbie here! I have been lurking for a long while and many posts have given me reassurance.... however i'm going through a particularly bad time at the moment and nothing can shift how i feel :(.
I have had HA for about 3 years now.... It started when i went for a routine dentist appoint and got referred to Hosiptal, The dentist said its nothing to worry about etc and it did turn out to be nothing, but in the time of waiting for my hospital appoint i convinced myself i had mouth cancer.
At the time this was happening my sister was diagnosed with Cancer and my brother in law (her husband) also died from cancer a year later. It felt at the time everyone who went to the doctors came back with cancer.
In the last 3 years i've had everything under the sun... i had a good period about a year ago where i felt much better, but these last six months its been building and building back up, till now where i feel like bursting!
In the 3 years ive been on Citralopram, had councilling and Hypnoanalysis.
Im trying so hard to break the cycle by not googling (failing) or going to doctors all the time but its so so hard especially when i find a physical symptom like a lump etc. I found a lump behind my ear about 8 months ago and went to the docs he said its just an enlarged lymph node and may go down or it may not, nothing to worry about he said. It did go down but in the last 2 weeks has come back up.... now all rational says its nothing or my body is just run down from all the stressing but everything else is telling me "its bad, you have some terrible illness namely cancer... somewhere in your body"
I now have moved on to this last week, ive found a little BB Ball sized lump near my gum under my tongue at the front, spoke to my doctor on friday and he just casually said "unless its getting bigger or changing, im not worried" He didnt even feel it..... but i know my doctor well and have known him since a kid, rationally i would normally trust what he says, but i have come away doubting him and myself.
This lump could have been there all my life, but because im hyper vigilant at the mo, i may have only just noticed it... but on the other hand again everything else in my mind is saying "its bad, its really really bad"
It has consumed my thoughts to the point of not being able to work or concentrate on anything else.
THERE IS ALWAYS A CONSTANT STRUGGLE IN MY MIND with regards to whats rational and whats not, what i should see a doctor about and what i should just forget about... is something an actual symptom or is it just my mind playing with me.
I know the mind is so powerful, but right now i feel powerless to it.
Does anyone else have this struggle? Between the constant of whats rational and whats not?
My partner is the most patient girl in the world and we have a baby boy due in Feb, i just want to be right for when he comes and not project any of my anxieties onto him...
and yes i have had the thoughts of im not going to be around to see him being born!
Sorry for the long post
Newbie here! I have been lurking for a long while and many posts have given me reassurance.... however i'm going through a particularly bad time at the moment and nothing can shift how i feel :(.
I have had HA for about 3 years now.... It started when i went for a routine dentist appoint and got referred to Hosiptal, The dentist said its nothing to worry about etc and it did turn out to be nothing, but in the time of waiting for my hospital appoint i convinced myself i had mouth cancer.
At the time this was happening my sister was diagnosed with Cancer and my brother in law (her husband) also died from cancer a year later. It felt at the time everyone who went to the doctors came back with cancer.
In the last 3 years i've had everything under the sun... i had a good period about a year ago where i felt much better, but these last six months its been building and building back up, till now where i feel like bursting!
In the 3 years ive been on Citralopram, had councilling and Hypnoanalysis.
Im trying so hard to break the cycle by not googling (failing) or going to doctors all the time but its so so hard especially when i find a physical symptom like a lump etc. I found a lump behind my ear about 8 months ago and went to the docs he said its just an enlarged lymph node and may go down or it may not, nothing to worry about he said. It did go down but in the last 2 weeks has come back up.... now all rational says its nothing or my body is just run down from all the stressing but everything else is telling me "its bad, you have some terrible illness namely cancer... somewhere in your body"
I now have moved on to this last week, ive found a little BB Ball sized lump near my gum under my tongue at the front, spoke to my doctor on friday and he just casually said "unless its getting bigger or changing, im not worried" He didnt even feel it..... but i know my doctor well and have known him since a kid, rationally i would normally trust what he says, but i have come away doubting him and myself.
This lump could have been there all my life, but because im hyper vigilant at the mo, i may have only just noticed it... but on the other hand again everything else in my mind is saying "its bad, its really really bad"
It has consumed my thoughts to the point of not being able to work or concentrate on anything else.
THERE IS ALWAYS A CONSTANT STRUGGLE IN MY MIND with regards to whats rational and whats not, what i should see a doctor about and what i should just forget about... is something an actual symptom or is it just my mind playing with me.
I know the mind is so powerful, but right now i feel powerless to it.
Does anyone else have this struggle? Between the constant of whats rational and whats not?
My partner is the most patient girl in the world and we have a baby boy due in Feb, i just want to be right for when he comes and not project any of my anxieties onto him...
and yes i have had the thoughts of im not going to be around to see him being born!
Sorry for the long post