Poke
05-12-11, 00:43
Around 1 1/2 years ago I was on Citalopram after a doctor said he felt like I was depressed or something like that. I had been feeling down for a while and my Mom certainly had been depressed for a large portion of my life so I thought I'd try it. Before this point I believe I had only had one panic attack in my life and that was when I had first been on an airplane. It had never been an issue with me or anything like that but after Citalopram my entire life changed. I was plagued with anxiety and panic attacks on almost a daily basis. I decided enough was enough and I stopped taking the pills. Well this made it way worse. I realize it was an idiotic thing to do without the doctors consent. Well this only worsened things. I became in a state of being out of it constantly. I had never felt more weird in my life. I resumed taking the medicine and gradually with doctors help took all the steps necessary in declining my dose until I no longer needed it.
I still don't understand if the Citalopram started this or not. I have always assumed so but again I am not sure and do not presume to understand how anything works.
I started to feel mostly normal again after regularly working myself off the medicine. The anxiety remained but it wasn't as big a deal as it had once been. I was happy and hopeful. I figured the anxiety would sooner or later fade from my life.
I was wrong, of course. In time the anxiety returned with a fury and then before long I was again a sufferer of the panic attacks.
Most of the time I'll have some bout every day with anxiety but then there are times when I'll feel fine and dandy for several days before they all seem to return with a vengeance. They ususally seem to attack me harder and stronger, relentlessly.
My mind, when just unoccupied or watching television, tends to wander and overly think about things. Usually it will turn to why I have anxiety, if it's anxiety, if I have mental health issues... if I'm going insane. It all turns to that. It all turns to that and then if I'm unlucky I'll have a panic attack.
I just had one before writing this up. I've felt depressed and just helpless. The future looks dark from where I'm sitting. I honestly feel like I've lost all hope. The only thing getting stronger is my anxiety. I don't know what I can do about this, who I can see, where to get any help, or even if I can get help.
I still don't understand if the Citalopram started this or not. I have always assumed so but again I am not sure and do not presume to understand how anything works.
I started to feel mostly normal again after regularly working myself off the medicine. The anxiety remained but it wasn't as big a deal as it had once been. I was happy and hopeful. I figured the anxiety would sooner or later fade from my life.
I was wrong, of course. In time the anxiety returned with a fury and then before long I was again a sufferer of the panic attacks.
Most of the time I'll have some bout every day with anxiety but then there are times when I'll feel fine and dandy for several days before they all seem to return with a vengeance. They ususally seem to attack me harder and stronger, relentlessly.
My mind, when just unoccupied or watching television, tends to wander and overly think about things. Usually it will turn to why I have anxiety, if it's anxiety, if I have mental health issues... if I'm going insane. It all turns to that. It all turns to that and then if I'm unlucky I'll have a panic attack.
I just had one before writing this up. I've felt depressed and just helpless. The future looks dark from where I'm sitting. I honestly feel like I've lost all hope. The only thing getting stronger is my anxiety. I don't know what I can do about this, who I can see, where to get any help, or even if I can get help.