hj
02-06-06, 13:57
Hi,
So pleased to have found this site and realise I am not alone or going mad. I finally admitted 3 weeks ago that I have health anxiety and sought help from the doctors. I think mine started since having my daughter (4.5yrs now)- although initially all my fears were about her health they have moved over the last 3 years or so to my own health and a tremendous fear that I will get some terminal illness and have to leave her behind before she is grown up. Up until recently I have just had episodes where I have had a symptom - panicked for a couple of days and then had to see the doctor - doctor has dismissed my symptoms as nothing serious and I have lived happily ever after until the next episode. I didn't think my behaviour that unreasonable as I had concerning symptoms e.g. lumps, pains etc but since a breast cancer scare in March where doctor didn't dismiss me and referred me for mammogram/ultrasound etc I accept my reactions are a little extreme. Googling during that anxious waiting time self-diagnosed me with inflamatory breast cancer - quite rare with the poorest prognosis. I was a wreck for the week and had convinced family I was going to die. I held it together enough infront of my daughter but was useless the rest of the time and have to phone in sick for work etc. A couple of weeks after the joyous news that I do not have breast cancer I find a lump behind my ear. I make myself wait 2 weeks but google constantly - I have cancer or something else horrible. Doctor has dismissed it as a small swollen gland. I did tell him though that I appreciate I have a prob with health anxiety and he prescribes citrapram 20mg.
I am taking these and go back tonight for a progress chat. Not sure I feel better or not - my anxiety didn't lift like normal when he said lump is ok - I still feel frightened. Maybe because he really thinks it could be something and will investigate if lump is still there tonight (it is by the way) or maybe because I didn't mention the sore throat - strangled feeling I was getting - I thought it was anxiety and expected it to go with ear lump getting the all clear. Throat is still here and worse feels like a lump is stuck in it now - feel reassured by this site saying it is a common symptom - problem is I can see a physical lump at the back of my throat and have touched it and there is a lump. I know it is not normal to stick fingers to back of throat to feel lumps - but guess I am not normal. I am so hoping my throat lump is ok and my ear/neck gland is ok and so want to get better and stop feeling like this. I feel that by taking the first step and admitting I have health anxiety I am now saddled with it - before it came in episodes now it is with me all the time - will it ever go away? I want to have another baby - clock is ticking but I am a mess.
Apologies for ridiculously long post - have lurked for a few weeks - finally decided to post and it has all tumbled out...
love h
So pleased to have found this site and realise I am not alone or going mad. I finally admitted 3 weeks ago that I have health anxiety and sought help from the doctors. I think mine started since having my daughter (4.5yrs now)- although initially all my fears were about her health they have moved over the last 3 years or so to my own health and a tremendous fear that I will get some terminal illness and have to leave her behind before she is grown up. Up until recently I have just had episodes where I have had a symptom - panicked for a couple of days and then had to see the doctor - doctor has dismissed my symptoms as nothing serious and I have lived happily ever after until the next episode. I didn't think my behaviour that unreasonable as I had concerning symptoms e.g. lumps, pains etc but since a breast cancer scare in March where doctor didn't dismiss me and referred me for mammogram/ultrasound etc I accept my reactions are a little extreme. Googling during that anxious waiting time self-diagnosed me with inflamatory breast cancer - quite rare with the poorest prognosis. I was a wreck for the week and had convinced family I was going to die. I held it together enough infront of my daughter but was useless the rest of the time and have to phone in sick for work etc. A couple of weeks after the joyous news that I do not have breast cancer I find a lump behind my ear. I make myself wait 2 weeks but google constantly - I have cancer or something else horrible. Doctor has dismissed it as a small swollen gland. I did tell him though that I appreciate I have a prob with health anxiety and he prescribes citrapram 20mg.
I am taking these and go back tonight for a progress chat. Not sure I feel better or not - my anxiety didn't lift like normal when he said lump is ok - I still feel frightened. Maybe because he really thinks it could be something and will investigate if lump is still there tonight (it is by the way) or maybe because I didn't mention the sore throat - strangled feeling I was getting - I thought it was anxiety and expected it to go with ear lump getting the all clear. Throat is still here and worse feels like a lump is stuck in it now - feel reassured by this site saying it is a common symptom - problem is I can see a physical lump at the back of my throat and have touched it and there is a lump. I know it is not normal to stick fingers to back of throat to feel lumps - but guess I am not normal. I am so hoping my throat lump is ok and my ear/neck gland is ok and so want to get better and stop feeling like this. I feel that by taking the first step and admitting I have health anxiety I am now saddled with it - before it came in episodes now it is with me all the time - will it ever go away? I want to have another baby - clock is ticking but I am a mess.
Apologies for ridiculously long post - have lurked for a few weeks - finally decided to post and it has all tumbled out...
love h