christmas anxieties...anyone get these?

[worried 101]

hi guys.havent written on here for ages...been feeling a bit low recently,just random bursting into tears and general crapiness...i dont know if maybe it has something to do with christmas coming up?does anyone feel their depression/anxiety crops up around this time?i dont think im particularly worried about money or anything,which i imagine most people worry about at this time of year ...dont really know what it is!
please help.thanks guys.
xxx

[crystal17]

Yes, very much so. It makes me realise how much time has gone by, not just in the past 12 months but also since I was a child. Then I get very upset thinking about how life just passes us by. Very morbid lol!

Do you feel christmassy?

[nicola1980]

I really don't want christmas to come this year :weep: and i don't feel christmassy at all :weep: but got to keep going for my son xx

[crystal17]

I totally relate Nicola, how old is your son?

[Mindful]

I think at this time of the year we feel pressured to feel happy. That pressure in itself is enough to make us feel anxious. which makes us feel down. I've had many a christmas where i have pretty much acted my way through the day-s. For the childrens sake. Try to ride with the tide of your feelings rather than against them. I dont mean go lock yourself in your room, i mean let those crappy feelings be there and know that they are only feelings, only thoughts, you arent those thoughts or those feelings. I bet you can hear a voice in your mind saying something like '' I dont want to feel this way, why cant i be happy? Why cant i be excited like everyone else?'' Thats you, the real you, its just been buried underneath the thoughts.

I read on here i think ,some words that really hit home '' What you resist, persists!'' How true, the more you want these thoughts and feelings to go away, the more they stay. The key is to accept them, let them be there, understand that they are not you, they are thoughts you have held on to, given too much attention to. When you let them be and dont add any more relevance to them they slowly fade away.

---------- Post added at 21:47 ---------- Previous post was at 21:41 ----------

I think its worth mentioning that excitement brings the exact same feelings as anxiety does. Only one is positive and other negative.

Excitement - you feel giddy, shakey, stomach turns cant eat, breathing goes mental, sweats, fast heartbeat and so on..the only thing missing is that negative dread-fear feeling, when you are excited you are looking forward to the event making it a positive experience.

Anxiety- you feel giddy, shakes, cant eat, stomach turning, breathing rapid, heartbeat overload and so on... dread and fear of the event making it a negative.


The power of thought eh :hugs:

[crystal17]

Mindful that's amazing and really has hit home with me and how I feel at the moment. There is a lot of pressure as you said and we are supposed to feel all happy and festive at this time of year but it can be anything but that experience.

I'm glad you posted this :)

[amandaj]

i would cancel christmas if i didnt have a one year old, i find it so stressfull and my anxiety is worse leading up to it i sound a right bah humbug i know
amandaxx

[worried 101]

hey guys.though its gutting that other people feel this way around christmas, im somewhat relieved to find that im not the only one who finds it stressful and anxities get bad!some really great advice though so thanks all.i do feel christmassy,or more I have these times where i feel really excited,and then suddenly go down(when my stomash turns and i feel a bit hollow and just strange).i have no reason too as have no reason to be feeling down...arghhh it so annoying!but i do think riding with my feeling is good advice,trying to accept that the negative thoughts are there and not fight them...im just not good at that yet!
i hope we all managed to have a good christmas and ignore the anxities and stresses it brings.let me know how you all get on.xxx

---------- Post added at 16:58 ---------- Previous post was at 16:55 ----------

plus if anyone else wants to talk about why they have their christmas anxities then go ahead...seems quite a few on this thread really arent feeling christmas at all and wondered if they might like to explain and see if we can help or atleast know we understand their feelings!:)xxx

[crystal17]

---------- Post added at 16:58 ---------- Previous post was at 16:55 ----------

plus if anyone else wants to talk about why they have their christmas anxities then go ahead...seems quite a few on this thread really arent feeling christmas at all and wondered if they might like to explain and see if we can help or atleast know we understand their feelings!:)xxx[/QUOTE]

Ok I will, if thats ok :)

The money...I can hardly afford anything as not worked since I had my son in 2003 and dont start my new job til Jan. I see so many lovely things in the shops and cant get them. And I have so many people to buy for as we have a huge family. They prob think im really tight when I give them a shower gel or something but they dont understand I have to buy lots of shower gels! Plus all the stuff for my son and from 'Santa' too.

The dinner: its always me who ends up doing it on my own, my partner offers nothing in the way of help and I find it so stressful. I usually have my dad over too and it just feels like alot of pressure.

The sadness: I feel very sad at xmas because I think of when I was little and how exciting it all was, and even in my teens it was too. I then think how many christmasses have passed and I feel old at 31!!

I always watch The Snowman too and that makes me even sadder!

Anyone got any more :yesyes:

[Mindful]

t i do think riding with my feeling is good advice,trying to accept that the negative thoughts are there and not fight them...im just not good at that yet!


x

Aww it takes time to accept these feelings and thoughts.

When you can honestly say that you arent that bothered how long it takes, thats when you have truly accepted and that is when it will fade away.

:hugs:

[hoshi]

i feel like many of you guys too. christmas is one of the most daunting times of year for me, as is winter in general when i seem to get much more depressed. there is always a massive pressure over whether i can afford gifts, time constraints, the feelings of obligation to organise myself for everyone else's sake (especially family) coupled with guilt over not feeling 'in the spirit' around family and friends because i just want it to all be over. in my case there are many expectations among family members to appreciate the effort everyone has gone to just to get together (we all live spread out all over the country) and this in turn can also add to the pressure of 'obligation' and hence more guilt. and seeing how others are striding through all their preparations before you, almost patronizingly so, doesn't help a bit with general self-esteem. :meh:

also, living with 2 small children (not mine) and the tangible stress from their parents at this time of year makes for a frequently uncomfortable household!

[RitaBoyd]

Christmas: the most important date on the Christian calendar, that we sometimes have to spend with those if we had measles we wouldn't give a spot to.

[theharvestmouse]

not looking forward to it, seeing everyone else happy, seeing couples together and as usual I'll be on my own, those of you who are married or have a partner, don't take it for granted.

[Rugrat]

you can put me down for that one every year its the same
everyone thinks you should be happy
but i just cannot wait for it to go away i hate it
its just another day millions of people are dying of hunger
and in the western world all they can think of is eating and drinking
and buying each other things they do not need
and you see on TV people giving to the poor or helping people that have
no where to live for one day they do it then for the rest of the year the poor and the homeless can go to hell its BS:wall:

[worried 101]

hi everyone me again.just thought id give a little update as the big day approaches..havent been feeling my best today.just feel so anxious and near the edge of tears atm, so want to be cheerful and gets these moments where i am and then suddenly feel low, I know I get this way when big events happen, such as bdays and so christmas seems to be no different.i try and tell myself all my anxiety is in my head, but it dosent stop it.grrr sorry felt like i had to vent.hope everyones ok and coping ok atm.xxx

[Em.ma]

Rugrat- I know what you mean.
Some kids dont even know what christmas is actually about.
its all commercalsied and about money and food and presents not what its meant to be about now.
Im 18 and i havnt enjoyed xmas since i was 13/14

[worried 101]

oh god well it hit today,felt really panicky and anxious and just burst into tears.now i just feel tried out and sad i feel so so annoyed at myself...theres just so much going on and so many people around its feels so full on and then feel my stomach churning and I need to cry.I feel so bad for everyone around me,especially my boyfriend who puts up with me all through the year and derserves to have a nice time and seem to just destroy it, feel so guilty and so want to be ok and ok,maybe not necessarily grinning and singing round the room on christmas but atleast able to cope with it?please if anyone has any advice please answer!im not sleeping well whoch dosent help either.:weep:
xxx

[Groundhog]

Hi
Its difficult isn’t it. I pretty much hate Christmas more from the fact it’s been hijacked and ruined by commercialism, by that I mean the shops start banging it into you in August - and we are almost pressured into buying stuff with clever advertising and an underlying pressure to ‘have fun’. I certainly don’t think we are alone in poo-pooing Christmas, it just seems such an anti-climax when it does come.
The way I deal with it is to tell those around me just how I fee – I apologise in advance if I’m tetchy. They also know if I disappear suddenly to leave me alone. What I do is go to my study, close the door and listen to some music, browse the internet or just sit eyes closed and pull myself together – my psychologist gave me some guidance on ways to cope which are relevant to me and why I get anxious. There really is nothing to be gained from pretending – be open as to how you feel and don’t feel you have to make excuses, you could be trying to hard which is making you feel worse.
One thing I do is promise my wife and children that after Christmas I will take them out for an evening – meal, show whatever as a thank you for being understanding, that seems to work. :)

[ciccone-hassell]

i have to be honest i hate xmas to be honest its just madness " and yeah i'm the same so i'm not bitching but " everyone wants the 24 hours to be perfect , everyone be healthy and happy , we want food to taste amazing , we want are prestents to be perfect , but its just a shame that in fact its only 24hrs and for me the whole build up sickens me in the tummy i hate the whole thing from beginging to end , i was hoping that with this other company that they would have offered me xmas shirts as i offered from the start but the ******s cant offer me hours so i have to be at home whole time , bores the crap outta me i rather work to be honest , while i'm single and alone i reather work , this year i hate more due to being off sick with stress and axiety and sickens me that others will be happy with the partners and children but me single and just with my parents + sis " love them dearly and to be frank " if i didnt have them i wouldnt be ere now anyway " just want 2012 for me to be happy and settle with a nice guy " but so far looks as tho mark will be single , broke , lonely , so feeling very low and bleak this year !!!

[NoPoet]

Excitement and anxiety are exactly the same thing seen from different perspectives. They both put stress on you. You only have a limited number of ways to respond to stress. So whether it's good (like Christmas, birthdays, holidays etc) or bad (work, exams, breaking up with someone) your body follows exactly the same routine in a logical and unchanging sequence.

I'm not saying I've got any answers, I am hoping CBT will gradually help with that, but it can explain why people suffer as much during "happy" times as at any other time. As anxiety recedes we start to feel less aware of our responses and stress becomes far less damaging. We feel more "normal" and don't find it as difficult to get through extraordinary times.

[sarahblonde32]

hi all,
yes im the same, i dont understand the over marketing of xmas, its so over done these days, i havent really felt 'christmassey' in years, im 33 now, with no kids so i wake up alone, i go to my parents whcih is nice, just a chance to relax, but relaxing makes me anxious! i was on edge all day, and it makes me sad too...its a 'lonely' time, i see all the posts of facebook of friends with their families saying how much they are enjoying it and with their new babies etc...and theres me...the same thing every year....
next year im going away!!
s x

[ewood79]

Hey everyone,

I too was a little worried/numb about christmas, im seperated with a little 3 and a half year old which i share 50/50 custody...... my mum and dad are divorced and this christmas i had 3 places to visit...... it seemed to go in a bit of a blur but i did enjoy it, i kind of felt like the anxiety was hovering all day...

On boxing day i took my daughter up to my dads place and again was a little over tired and stressed i guess and yeah.... felt emotional because i remembered about the times when i was younger and realised how much i missed those days...

when i got home i had a flash of panic etc followed by tears, i moved through it by tidying up a spare room at my place that id been avoiding.... now i just feel a little flat and scared again....

im sure it will pass like it always does but i do agree we see so many happy families and things around christmas we expect to feel the same without any anxiety....