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View Full Version : Easier said ... JUST GOT MORE COMPLICATED



Lottie32
23-04-04, 20:40
I am getting better. I have done loads of things I couldn't have done this time last year. I am a bright and happy sunny person

I AM A LIAR

I FEEL SICK, MY HEART IS BEATING (or rather I can feel it trying to beat its way out of my chest), I'M NOT BREATHING PROPERLY, MY TUMMY FEELS FULL OF TIGER MOTHS

HELP !!!!!!

Today I sat at work and thought how much better, and happy and lovely and sunny and shiny I was feeling, and how great my life was going.

Then a bloke, who has come to work for the last 12 years, to service some equipment, came and serviced the equipment. We had a natter like we always do, I signed his forms, then he went.

THIS AFTERNOON HE PHONED WORK AND ASKED ME OUT FOR A DRINK.

AND I SAID YES.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO ------????????? I can't cope. I've not even arranged a time or a night yet, and already I'm bottling out.

He'll think I'm completely mad. We'll have to conduct the night through the toilet door.

What do I do?

I've had a bottle of Rescue Remedy (neat and in one shot). I can't find my beta blockers anywhere (yes thanks Mrs CBT for suggesting that I put my crutch to one side and learn to live without it)

WHY CAN'T I BE NORMAL? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE THIS? WHY AM I GETTING SO WOUND UP ABOUT ONE BLOODY DRINK??????? WHY AM I BEING SO BLOODY NEGATIVE???

Although he is taller than me, has broad shoulders, and his own hair (albeit in a dodgy side parting), I have only seen him in his polycotton work trousers and matching fleece top.

What happens if he turns out to be sweater man??? He used to have a bike, but I discovered today that he drives a VOLVO - he says it's sexy VOLVO - but I know a bit about cars,and I can't think of any sexy Volvo. Maybe the bike wasn't a motor bike, but a mountain bike - I just presumed he meant a Blackbird when he said he liked to get out on the open road in the summer.

He suggested we went local, and to be fair, if I'm this bad then I don't think I'll make it further than 500 yards to my local, but what if he turns out to be an anorak out of work.

Not only will I be wracked with nerves, but I'll be mortified with embarassment too - and why am I so bothered about what everybody else bloody well thinks?

And another thing - I really think my mum will like him - which puts me off even more.

And why am I getting in such a state about one drink??? He might even stand me up yet.

And if I do make it out - do I confess to being mad, feeling sick etc etc etc. Do I tell him about my depression, and admit to being on whappy tablets? Or do I pretend to be fine, to confess at a later date that going to the pictures is impossible????????

Is honesty the best policy?????

Has anybody out there started a relationship when they were "mad". What did you do? Did you fess up? If we hit it off, then he's bound to find out sooner rather than later. Mini break? I'd rather go scuba diving in a slurry pit.

Being mad is part of who I am at the moment - surely it's important he knows?

Any advice (including a slap round the face, a sound talking too, and propanol 40mg) gratefully accepted.

HELP - I'm not unhappy being single - but then I don't want to spend the rest of my life alone. And if I don't date then thats quite likely
!

Also, if I can sort my head out, then he will come and pick me up - and I've not been in a car driven by anybody else for ages - particularly not in a situation when I might want to escape.

It just gets worse the more I think about it.


Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

sarah
23-04-04, 20:51
Hiya Charlie

Blimey babe you have gotten yourself into a state havent you?

My advice... Go on the date if you like him enough, get there under your own steam so you can be alone to prepare yourself, go somewhere familiar to you not too far away and you will feel more comfortable.
Get another Rx for your beta blockers if you need to and go with the flow.
Who cares if your mum likes him or not..its you thats got to see if you like him Volvo or not (and yes I cant think of a sexy volvo either).If he turns out to be mr Sweater Man..dont worry..its date practice to better prepare you for when Mr Sex God turns up!!!!
See how the date goes as to whether you teel him you are 'mad' or not..only you will know how much to tell and if you trust him enough!

Ok enough of being Mrs Voice of Reason...Go out and have a bloody good time...you deserve it!!!!

love Sarah
xx
p.s theres no way he's going to stand you up..have you seen your picture lately??? (and no dont worry im not a lesbian...lol)

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

jonny
23-04-04, 21:02
Charlie,

I don't care about your date but i must confess that your post is the best laugh i have had in ages!!! I have vision of your date turning up as Roy Cropper!

Best of luck babe, god help me if i ever have to date again......lol



Jonny.

Lottie32
23-04-04, 21:05
Thanks Babe

You are right and sensible and grown up and everything - but, as you very accurately observered - I AM IN A STATE and therefore incapable of logical thought.

Like the idea of meeting him under my own steam, but surely if I drive to meet him in local down the road, I will have to partially explain about being mad, or he will think I'm a crazy nutter for no reason. Also, when I get wound up, I am not good at disguising it, and surely it is better to explain my strange tics and bizzare habits as behaviour bought on by nerves, rather than just certifiable.

There is a definite allowableness for being nutty cos your'e a sensitive and nervy individualy, you are tolerated much more than just being a total nutter.

Also, I've just checked my diary and I'm not free till after the bank holiday - he'll think I'm fobbing him off, and if he is willing to wait that long, I'll never make a date, cos I'll have died from nervous exhaustion first.

Maybe I could find out if he has an e-mail, and get to know him a bit better that way first.

I have heard some stories from his dad, and I think he's a bit of a ladies man if you know what I mean, and after my last four totally disaterous relationships, I'm not sure I can even be bothered.

Worrying too that you agree with me about the Volvo.

Thanks for the support - I feel calmer (or maybe thats the Rescue Remedy!!! Does it work if you neck it? I forgot to sip)

Love Xxxx

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

sarah
23-04-04, 21:18
Hiya Charlie

I always have about 10 squirts of rescue remedy and it makes me feel a WHOLE lot better so im guessing with a bottle you are just about ready to fall off your chair you are so relaxed?

He might not think it so strange if you drive yourself..isnt it the sensible thing to do on a first date in case they turn out to be some kind of weirdo??

If you tell him you are nervous he will prob expect you to be anyway..he might be too. Granted not for the same reasons but nevertheless??????
If he likes you enough he will wait..its not that far away anyway is it? and as for being a ladies man, well who knows..my hubby was before he met me (his longest relationship was 2 months) and weve been together for 12 years now...AARRRGGGHHH...now I wanna be single...wanna swap lives????

Email sounds like a good idea...try and find his addie.

love Sarah
xx

see im being all sensible again...look how easy it is for me to tell you what to do while im sitting on my bum in front of a computer hundreds of miles away!!! maybe I should try sorting myself out too...lol

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

lilac kitten
23-04-04, 21:22
Charlie Charlie Charlie,

Deep breath, sit down, glass of wine, chill. I too would be nervous about meeting a guy I didn't know that well. Stay on home ground at a place you know and maybe both of you take a friend for the first date.

I tell everybody that I get anxiety and panic. Some people don't understand at first and one of my partners friends thinks that its a load of twoddle, but I ignore him and tell him to go polish his alloys - after all we're all impressed with a good set of alloys - yawn (sorry lads, rather sit in a safe car with good tyres than shiney alloys!! on a clapped out banger - he he).

Back to the point, you'll never know what you're missing if you don't go, and he might be really nice and understanding.

I've got a drive to Portsmouth next week to a christening with my partner and our two boys and I'm dreading it. But I'm going, and I am going to beat the anxiety and panic (bear in mind this tough talk is before the event and not on the actual day). And if anybody is sick, including me, I'm going to stay calm. And I'm going to do some driving on the Motorway - shaking at the thought, but I'll give it a go.

Jonny - Roy Cropper indeed. That'd make you strong you'd have to be for a wet rag like that :-)
Could be he turns out to be a complete stud with a big house and loads of money - not that I'm shallow or anything.

Anyway, I hope in some strange way I've been some help. Let us know what you decide to do.

Ruth
x

mico
24-04-04, 00:23
Wow Charlie, you really have got a lot going through your head. Have you ever read 'Feel the Fear and do it Anyway' when it talks about the 'chatterbox'? I read your post and imediately thought of that book.

From my experiences, I have found that I go over situations in my head again and again, only to find when I'm actually presented with the situation that it is absolutely nothing like what I had imagined, so I guess the best advice I can give is for you to just go and do it, make it simple but just do it. You'll be able to find the right time to talk about your anxiety whenever you feel the time is right, you don't need to plan it out before hand, I'm sure the night will take care of itself and you'll be fine, you said yourself that you have been doing well, this could be a great opportunity to move further forward.

Anyway, good luck with it all, I'm sure it'll all go well.

mico

Meg
24-04-04, 09:35
Dear Charlie

How wonderful...

A few facts though ..

'Today I sat at work and thought how much better, and happy and lovely and sunny and shiny I was feeling, and how great my life was going.'

This has not changed and is getting even better so you will cope beautifully. It's all about your attitude to the date and planning.

You choose where, maybe you'd be better going for a walk - keep you moving
Maybe you'd prefer lunchtime drink .
Email sounds good- text also in the meantime

Maybe he's the person that you could go to teh RedHCPeppers with in Manchester that you were on about.

You probably don't need to tell him about anxiety on the first day . EVERYONE is nervous. I know 2 people who had to stop the car and upchuck and they were the blokes on the way to first dates.

Sod the jumper, sod the car, sod Mum at this stage. It's only an introductory meeting.

Looking forward to the next installment !!

Meg

Lottie32
24-04-04, 14:26
Roy Cropper? Were that I were that lucky!!!! Roy would be a treat compared to what I have been out with. (Not the what and not a who)

WELL THINGS JUST GOT SOOOOO MORE COMPLICATED LIKE YOU WOULDN'T IMAGINE

For four years I have been single (with a few daliances along the way)

I've not been looking - but I've not been turning down offers either - I just haven't had any .....

Anyway, I just about got my head sorted last night (THANKS EVERYBODY), and after picking up my friends from down the road, went up to the local for our usual Friday night catch up. NOBODY OF ANY NOTE EVER comes into our local. As I had been time wasting on the forum, I just chucked some clothes on, rough dried my hair and had a quick flick with the blusher brush. Not good, but good enough for a Friday in the local with your mates.

Anyway, several beers later, we noticed Bryan had just walked in the pub. The last time we saw him he had deputised us girlies to take his nephew and friends round town on Saturday night. Jan and Mima went to say hello, and went I caught up with them, Jan was talking to Bryan and Mima was talking to a very tall blonde bloke who I had never seen in my life (with a good set of shoulders) (and not wearing a sweater).

He looked a bit too trendy to be interested in me - I'm the sort of girl who tries really hard, but ends up with pool cue chalk down her cheek or a guiness stain on her white top.

Anyway, he turned round and said I know you.

"Oh no you don't. I've never seen you before in my life" I replied

"No I know you"

"No, you don't" (repeat x 3)

"Ok if you know me, whats my name?"

"I can't remember, but I was at sixth form with you"

"No you weren't"

"Yes I was - I'm SB" (identity protected)

"Don't be stupid, you don't look like SB. You can't be him"

How stupid did that sound? How stupid did that make me look?

Anyway, I agreed that maybe he could actually be himself, and a group of us went to play killer.

I think I impressed him as I have my own snooker cue! (Don't mean I can play)

Anyway, despite my protestations about not drinking much cos going to the gym, Bryan kept me topped up with G&T and we ended up playing best of five (doubles) for £20 a man (or woman).

By the time we had finished, it was gone two and I walked home with Bryan and SB (who was stopping the night at Bryans). Anyway, SB walked me home, and came in to look at some old sixth form photos (we were both quite drunk by this point, but it would be fair to say he was pretty hammered)

Anyway to cut a long story short, Bryan locked him out, and we couldn't wake him up, so SB asked if he could kip on our sofa (mum is away). I wasn't too keen on this idea - nothing to do with SB being in the house, but I'm not relaxed about ANYBODY stopping.

Anyway, we were discussing why I felt strange about him stopping when we fell asleep. And stayed asleep till 8.00 this morning when some kind person decided to manicure their lawn (to make matters worse, it was one of the old retired bas***ds who have all day every bloody day to do it in)

The good news is that he understood, as he has had mental problems too - he's suffered depression, and had a few mild panic attacks, so he didn't think I was totally off my head.

And I survived the night without anything untoward happening.

He even made a cup of tea, a bacon sandwich and washed the pots - and served it up in the garden (v nice and sunny here)

Even more too good to be true - he wants to see me again. He doesn't care that I am mad. HE DOESN'T WEAR SWEATERS


AND MORE IMPORTANTLY - HE DRIVES AN AUDI TT!!!!!!!!

Now that is a sexy car - nobody has been able to describe a sexy volvo to me yet!!!!

SO WHAT DO I DO - I would like to see him again - he is nice, broad shouldered, goes to the gym, works, is clever, thinks I'm nice and basically is too good to be true.

And what do I do about ROY?????? Even though we haven't made any arrangements to go out, I'm not the sort of girl to serial date - I prefer to find out about somebody one at a time if

apm
24-04-04, 14:42
Charlie, I'd let 'Roy' know that you've met someone that you 'clicked' with, and you don't think it'd be right to lead him on at the moment. That way, he knows where he stands, and so do you. See how things with SB go- looks promising to me! If it doesn't work out at some point in the future, maybe Roy will ask you again?

Cars are nice to have, but not THAT important. The fact that he's nice, and understands about our thing, now THAT is very important. And you like him and he likes you. Can't see a downside!

In your heart you know the right thing to do.

Hope this helps,

Alex.
xx

PS, to set the record straight,

1) Volvos have had a lot of bad press. The new ones ARE sexier. Anyone thinks they're not, try a C70 T5 (240bhp- very fast car, and I think they look nice!). and 2) Sorry to shatter any illusions, but an Audi TT is merely a VW Golf with a different set of clothes (same floorplan and engine). So there. I know because I have a Seat Leon Cupra, which has the same floorplan and engine too. Also same as VW beetle, the Audi S3 and (look away if you need to)... the SKODA OCTAVIA. Yes, a Skoda!





Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.

sadie
24-04-04, 17:00
Charlie....what a week you have been having!! 2 men fighting over you, I bet there are many woman who would love to trade places with you right now.[:I]

Your posts always make us all laugh...I have been gripped for the last 10/15 minutes reading all the posts to find out the end to the story, when its just got better and better.:D

Firstly, who cares whether you suffer from anxiety and depression...the majority of people in our society has suffered some form of mental illness in some stage of their lifetme. Secondly, if someones judges you on this, then there not worth knowing anyway as Im sure you would never judge someone on their health etc etc..

Thirdly, I think you have made up your own mind anyway on what guy you would like to see again....blonde guy with the broad shoulders, audio TT and good job etc. You should not feel bad that you prefer this guy to Mr Volvo guy....maybe you were just flattered that he asked you out that you said yes, but never thought too much whether you actually liked him. Now that you have met someone else that you do like and 'click' with then you realise that Mr Volvo was not really your type anyway.

What you could do to keep your options open is to arrange to meet both guys for a drink at seperate times obviously or a walk, the cinema or whatever you prefer and see which one you like best. Then that way you know for sure which one you like best, then just let the other guy down gently by explaining that you have met someone else. This option might be too much hard work and might actually stress you out a bit more!!![:0]You never know MR Volvo man might actually be the man of your dreams!!

I look forward to your next installment....



sadie

nomorepanic
24-04-04, 17:56
Charlie

Hiya mate :-)

Just read this post from beginning to end for the first time and I was cracking up as always. I love the bit about manicuring the lawn!! [:p]

So you have the choice of two men now and one even spent the night with you already - wink, wink!;)

I think you should go on dates with both - why not live a little, you deserve it?

Don't discount Roy (as he is now called, thanks to Jon) as he may turn out to be a lovely guy. You don't need to tell either one about the other as you are not in a relationship with them yet are you?

Have a couple of drinks and then decide ok.

As for the cars, well cos you won't be going in one then it won't matter. I looked at the Audi TT once but couldn't afford it so he must have a bit of money, but that isn't everything either is it?

At least SB knows your problems so you don't have to cross that hurdle but Roy may be equally as understanding and could be mad also - lol.

Don't get stressed over it mate - just see what happens and don't discount either one yet.

I sometimes wish I was single again, like Sarah said, cos that fun and excitement of the first few dates and getting to know someone is a great feeling.

The other thing you could do of course is snog them both and then choose the best kisser!!! :):D

Let us know how it goes!

xxx

Nicola

mico
24-04-04, 18:07
Hi Charlie

Just typical that isn't it, happens everytime, you'll never meet anyone for ages then all of a sudden two come along at once! Anyway you seem to know which one you want to take you out at the minute. Can't you tell 'Roy' that your kind of involved with someone without telling him when you met him? Then you can stay friendly with 'Roy' just in case this one doesn't work out, you can't lose really!:D

Whatever you choose though, I'm sure it'll work out just great.

mico

Lottie32
24-04-04, 20:13
Hmmm

Not sure reading all your answers that Roy is really my type. I'd be too busy sitting in the pub working out a subtle way to get him to the hairdressers. Also he does lots of really not up my street sort of things like diving???? It's a fantastic weekend, and you opt to swim along at the bottom of a murky pond in a neoprene outfit, which you have to wee in, should you need to go - NEVER HIRE A WET SUIT.

Plus SB read my depression article and was impressed. Roy is terribly regimented, and I can't imagine being mad as part of his vocabulary.

Also SB has proved himself to my mates. Ok so he has issues, but don't we all. Also, he believes in people doing their own thing, and maintaining their interests, whilst I know for a fact that Roy is a kitchen sink ball and chain kind of guy.

Of course - all of this is totally hypothetical at the minute.

SB could be a serial adulterer - I only have his word that he isn't with anybody after all.

And, although SB left it that he would see me Thursday, nothing has been arranged with either party - so I could end the week being DOUBLY stood up - which, with my track record, is very likely!!!!

Note to Alex - nothing wrong with a VW - I would have a golf (instead of my reliable Fiesta) if I had the dosh - but a timely reminder not to judge a book by it's cover - after all it is possible to instal (if you can find one) a porche engine into a beetle! Although if you are thinking of doing this, I would strongly advice you to upgrade your braking system too!!!!

Also Roy was in the forces, and you tend to find people who've been through the system aren't terribly sympathetic about mental problems. (My dad - RAF - is a classic example of this)

And SB did leap of the sofa, and find his way around an alien kitchen, just cos I said I could murder him if he didn't make me a cuppa - I mean I could murder a cuppa. God I've had boyfriends who won't even get you a glass of tap water in their own houses!!!!

Also he forgave me for trying to insist that he wasn't him.

And, I can afford to go out tonight after he helped me win £20 last night ........ although based on the last two days, maybe I should stop in (a night up town is planned tonight)

I'll keep you informed, but thanks everybody - I feel a lot calmer now.

Love Charlie x

p.s Nic there was absolutely no winking or nudging - honestly, what sort of a slapper do you think I am? (Don't answer that) LOL






Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

stimpy
24-04-04, 22:10
Woah there tiger !

You see, after all that panic you managed a night out, and it went okay.

You met someone nice, who understood exactly how you were feeling and gave you support, and that is magic.

If you want to see SB again, you should.
You aren't chained to either of them, so there is no harm in being friends with both of them and deciding from there. You may decide that you really don't want to go out with either of them. And that's okay too.

The main thing is to have fun and enjoy it while you can.


Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

jonny
25-04-04, 16:18
Charlie,

Just a thought....if you ever get together with 'Roy' i certainly wouldn't introduce him to this forum.
i am sure he would be a little upset to see you and your buddies calling him "roy' !!

Maybe we ought to call you Hayley from now on.......or is it Harold?

Jonny

Jonny.

Lottie32
25-04-04, 21:27
Gone right off Roy. I did a marathon shift at the pub today, working for 8 1/2 hours.

He has phoned me three times and left two answer phone messages. The lad is desperate, a quality that I find very unattractive.

Have been thinking about this alot this weekend, and don't think Roy is for me - too many things to change.

SB has texted (text?) me, in a pally, going to be in the pub none stalker kind of way. It was nine hours before I text him back, and he didn't send follow up messages inbetween!!!!

Don't think I'm even going to bother going for a friendly drink with Roy, as don't think he's really my type. Whether anything happens with SB or not is a different matter - but at least he has made me realise Roy isn't a viable prospect - I mean, I've already mentally taken him shopping and got him a new hair cut, and I've not even been for a drink with him yet! And SB makes a mean cuppa.

Fingers crossed for (I think) Thursday night then guys, cos hopefully that is when me and SB are going for a pint. Actually, i might even be more nervous then, cos I actually would like it to go ok and see him again!!!! (I think anyway - I'll probably meet with him sober tonight and we'll instantly hate each other)

Thanks for the advice Jonny - from now on I wish to be known as Matilda.

(Maybe better not let SB read this either?)

Thanks for all the support guys

Love Matilda

(p.s. Lucky - don't get too excited about the bridesmaid dress just yet) X

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

nomorepanic
25-04-04, 21:35
Charlie

See - you worked it all out on your own in the end.

Good luck with SB - I hope it works out for you and this could be the start of something big!!

Can I be a bridesmaid too???

Nicola

kate
25-04-04, 21:46
Hiya Charlie,

Good luck with SB!!!

Can we ALL be bridesmaids and the blokes page boys??? [8D]

Kate x

lilac kitten
26-04-04, 09:18
Charlie,

You go girl. Shallow or not an Audi TT does it for me!!

Good luck with SB he sounds a bit nice.

Ruth
x

stimpy
26-04-04, 09:23
Way to go Matilda [:p]

In the words of my best friend Richard

- "A man wreaking of desperation is an unattractive thing, women can just smell it."

Poor Roy, if you've already given him a full make over - that is a sure sign the spark of attraction is missing.

Fingers crossed for a good night out!
Remember nothing ventured - nothing gained. The main thing is to have a good night out and anything else is a bonus.



Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Jules31
26-04-04, 11:05
Wow Charlie, what news. All of done since I got into work is read this thread. I think you are def right to go with SB.

I can't wait to hear your next instalment. Let us know how you get on.

I thought of you on Friday as we drive through Matlock.

Hugs
Jules

Lottie32
26-04-04, 21:16
It's not even Thursday, and already I've got another installment - last night after I logged off the forum, I went into my bedroom to get some clean clothes for the shower, and saw SB had sent me a text, asking if I was going to the pub. I replied that I hadn't had my tea, and needed a shower, and was a bit tired so wasn't sure. He had been cricketing with Bryan, they had stopped for a steak, and he was in the village, after having dropped B off.

Anyway, he PHONED and said that he was going home, as Bryan had an early start and was going to bed, so he had nobody to go to the [ub with, and did I fancy a visitor - he thought he might call in on the way home.

Normally, I would have said no to an unexpected intrusion into my routine, but I thought that I might as well feel shi** with company, than sitting around feeling shi** on my own. So I said call in.

By this time it was gone 9.30. Anyway he popped round, I made him a cuppa and went for my shower.

By the time I'd dried my hair it was 10.10, so I said that if we were going to the pub we needed to go now. We decided to walk up to the local, have one game of pool and one pint, then come home, as I was knackered.

Anyway, as you do, one game leads to another, one drink lead to another, and at 11.00 we were still in the pub. Don't ask how we got onto the subject, cos I can't remember, but he told me he gets IBS! Another plus point. Obviously not for him, but what I mean is that at least he understands what it is like to suffer with your tummy. Begining to get cold feet - nobody can be this perfect, the bubble will burst soon.

Anyway, we had just got another pint, when Judy phoned to say my horse didn't look right. She couldn't see anything obviously wrong with him, but he wasn't eating. Trampie NEVER not eats. She didn't want to call the vet just yet, as he wasn't writhing round in pain, just didn't look right, and could I come up and see what I thought.

SB was very concerned, and when I said I needed to go up to the horses and was he coming (meaning was he leaving the pub at the same time as me - presuming that he would go home)

Anyway, we gets to my house, and SB needs to use the loo, so I go and change into something more suitable (flip flops and poorly ponies don't go - unless your into black toenails). We walk out the house, and I said I'll see you then, and he says, well actually I was going to come with you!!!!

I suggested that he might like to follow in his car, so he could leave when he wanted, but he said he'd be ok. I explained that if we had to call the vet, it could be hours, if he was already on another call and treating a difficult foaling or something, but SB was fine with that.

So off we pop to the horses. By this time it's 11.30, and I'm just about dead on my feet.

Anyway, as soon as Trampie saw me he perked up immeasurably, ate some polos, had a cuddle and generally looked ok. Richard made us all a drink and I stood and watched Trampie for a bit. SB was very brave, despite being terrified of horses, he came and stroked his nose, and didn't moan when his nice clean trendy non jumper top got hairy and mucky.

After checking his temperature (normal) and his respiration (normal) and listening to his gut noises (making some), i was just about to tell Judy that I wasn't sure that anything was wrong, when he had a spasm. We had caught him in the very early stages of spasmodic colic.

Judy phoned the vet, and he duly arrived a little after 12.30. SB patiently stood with me in the stable whilst I stroked my ponies nose. The vet arrived, and agreed with my diagnosis of smasmodic colic. He decided just to be on the safe side to give him a rectal examination, and pulled out several handfulls of you know what, then gave Trampie a buscopan (anti spasmodic) intravenous. All the time, SB was talking to him, and stroking his nose. I went to ask Judy if there was any hay soaked to give him later, and Trampie trotted out of his stable - obviously feeling 300% better.

We got in the car, and due to the whole adrenalin rush thing, I was n

kate
26-04-04, 21:45
Charlie,

Have you even wondered, even for a moment, that SB actually likes you for being you and that there is no reason why the bubble will burst??

Just enjoy it, get the wedding booked and choose me a nice, un pink un frilly dress to wear!!!!

Take care and have fun

Kate x

twister
26-04-04, 21:51
can i snog the best man!

Emily

jonny
26-04-04, 22:06
I have a nice Vauxhall Astra with matching booster seats and other child accessories......if any of you ladies are interested????

Jonny

Jonny.

stimpy
26-04-04, 23:15
Charlie that is fantastic!
It all worked out just fine, if a little different to how you planned it.
And the main thing is that the horse is doing well and back to his usual self.

Don't put the situation down just yet
It takes at least 4 dates before things start to go wrong - lol

Good luck!

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Lottie32
27-04-04, 08:12
Stimpy

Does standing in a barn for three hours whilst a man has his arm up your horses bum count as a date - or should I start counting my four down from Thursday (presuming it still happens)

Kate - don't be so stupid!!! He must have a dodgy ulterior motive, or be a nutter, I'm a very flawed person. And the bubble always bursts. I have been discussing dresses with Lucky, and we are to have floor length straight gowns, with absolutely no lace, hooped skirts or ruching. Is that ok with you? I'd rather walk down the aisle in brown than wear pink - ugggh

Em - you are quite welcome to the best man, but I shall warn you before the event if he is a dog - (having not yet met any of 2G2BT's cricketing mates. Bryan is quite nice, although a little older than us - and v rich)



Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

stimpy
27-04-04, 09:14
Oh now your asking ..

Erm .. I'd have to say Thursday as that is a planned date rather than a spur of the moment one.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Jules31
27-04-04, 10:21
Charlie

He sounds fantastic. Maybe we can share wedding ideas, (still not done much about mine).

Can't wait til Friday to hear your next instalment. Oh what will I do for the next few days???

Hugs

Julie

Laurie28
27-04-04, 10:32
Charlie,


Yip floor length non pink is GOOD!!!!!!

Maybe the flower girls would like to wear pink flouncy dresses!! what do you think girls!!!

Lucky

lilac kitten
27-04-04, 12:41
If I'm going to be a flower girl I'd love to wear pink!! Pink T and Jeans that is no flouncy lace, chiffon and shiney material for me (did that in my glam rock phase!)

Charlie,

This is great. Good things do happen, but being the sort of people we are we observe all angles and ensure we are safe and happy. I hope this works out for you in the long term.

Hope your horse is OK as well. Will your horse be pulling the carriage to the church?

Jonny, your hearts in the right place, unfortunately I'm too shallow to see past the Astra ;) And I already have booster seats and children. How are you by the way you were a little down the other day?

Good luck Charlie - looking forward to the next installment.

Ruthie
x

Laurie28
27-04-04, 12:55
Ruthie - But have you seen Jonny's photo!!! - maybe then you could see past the Astra!!! yip definetly !!

Lucky

kate
27-04-04, 15:16
Charlie,

The straight up and down none frilly number will be lovely, thanks.

Can you bring SB to the get together at Meg's for vetting purposes, please????

Kate x

jonny
27-04-04, 16:48
Ruthie, I am doing a lot better , thanks for asking.

Lucky, you are too kind......xx

Jonny.

Lottie32
27-04-04, 21:13
Tuesday night update - 2G2BT has just got even more 2G2BT.

He has just phoned, and invited himself round on THURSDAY to COOK MY TEA, before he takes me out for a drink, or gets a video (whichever I prefer).

He is going to be at ours at 7.00 when I get back from the horses, and will cook my tea whilst I have a bath.

So all I've got to do is wallow in bubbles, then eat.

He is even going to look in his 15 minute cookbook to find a meal he can make so that I don't have to wait too long after I get in before I eat, cos of my blood sugar getting too low.

OMG - the bubble is SOOOOOOO going to burst soon, I can tell.

My friend Tracy who is doing psychology degree claims that 2G2BT doesn't really exist, and is instead a bizzare halucination as a result of my excessive prozac taking.

Who cares - the dream is often better than the reality.

I would willingly bring him to Megs in May, but that is next month, and I'm not sure the bubble can last that long.

He really is 2G2BT

Call me shallow for picking the TT over the Volvo (S40 or no S40), the other attributes more than make up for my shallowness!

I have decided that he will be a total commitment phobe, the sort of bloke who enjoys the getting to know you stage, but fails miserably at the mundane after life - I expect this to last 1 month at the most.

And of course, we've got all the issues to deal with - the battle to go to the pictures, eating, shopping, and god forbid he suggests a mini break!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

However, should 2G2BT still be around when we meet at Megs, NOBODY CAN ADMIT OR HINT THAT THEY EVEN KNOW OF HIS EXISTENCE, LET ALONE THE FACT HE HAS A THREE PAGE FORUM DEDICATED TO HIM.

If you don't all sign a pact in blood, then he's NOT COMING.

Sorry Ruth, but there will be ABSOLUTELY NO PINK at my wedding. Black is more likely to get a showing first, believe me, and I'll walk down the aisle to Alice by the Sisters of Mercy, before you see me in pink, lace and maribou feathers. HOwever, I'm willing to compromise - will lilac jeans and glam rock t-shirt suffice?

Will update you on Friday, and let you know if his culinary skills make the grade!

Love Matilda

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

sarah
27-04-04, 21:20
Hiya Charlie

He sounds wonderful..definately 2G2BT..the best thing I can say about the negativity you are having is that unlike all my dozy mates who fall in LOVE the first time a bloke buys them a drink is that if he does turn out to be a clingon or ass**** then you havent built yourself up to be too dissapointed!!!..lol


love Sarah
xx

ps I pretty much always wear black so jeans and a t shirt are cool with me..lol

nomorepanic
27-04-04, 21:43
no way am I wearing a pink flouncy dress!![V]

All I want to know Charlie is - have you KISSED him yet? [:p]

Come on girl [:I]:D

Oh and Sisters of Mercy are well cool!

Nicola

benoo5
27-04-04, 22:02
wow charlie,you really MUST write a book...bridget jones,has nothing on you,if i ever feel down,i just have to read your descriptive words.

ime sooo pleased that you have met someone nice,one things for sure,he will never find you boring :)

just be yourself my friend,destiny will do the rest.

your mate.....bryan.

Lottie32
28-04-04, 07:59
Nic

I refuse to discuss any intimate details on the site, but if you would like to e-mail me your mobile number, I will fill you in by text.

(Presuming that there is something to fill you in on of course)

Bryan - a book on what? Being mad? Toilets I have used - I'm an expert at York - the last mini break I went on - I was so bad I visited a loo an hour. And wasn't even getting paid to do so. I must say for a weathly and hugely popular tourist attraction, known the world over, the toilets in the city leave a lot to be desired!!!!!

Bryan - hows Lincoln - now my turn to give you advice!!! It takes a while to settle into anywhere new, and you are now like us - you need to take some fairy steps in order to make friends and meet new people. Do you want the RDA contact number for the area? That could be a start, you enjoy it, and there are usually loads of ladies in jods as an added bonus!

love Matilda xxxxx

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

kate
28-04-04, 08:24
Charlie,

I got the book, thanks!

Will write back soon

Kate x

stimpy
28-04-04, 09:16
Steve's upset now - lol
He has competition after his "compationate male award".

If he is a bizzare halucination as a result of excessive prozac, I would keep taking it!

Good luck for Thursday

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

lilac kitten
28-04-04, 10:05
Lucky - you are so right.

Jonny - I've seen past your Astra (now stop blushing you).

Charlie - thank heavens for that. Black will do fine - I wore lots of this in my heavy rocker chic phase (smiles at the memories - those were the panic free days).

Good luck with the meal let us know how it goes.

Ruth
x

Jules31
28-04-04, 10:46
I agree with Ruth, black will be fine. I was a rock chick too. Maybe that has something to do with us ending up here!!!!!!!

Charlie, just enjoy things for what they are. I was so pleased to see another instalment today. Shame you won't post any more details, oh well guess we will all have to use our imaginations.

Let us know how the meal goes.
Hugs

Jules

Laurie28
28-04-04, 11:24
Charlie,

Go with the flow!!! Maybe he has got faults (he must have) but because u like him so much they don't bother you and you don't see them as faults . MAYBE THIS IS THE REAL THING!!!!(if it is let me know what it is like!!!!!)

Lucky

Lottie32
01-05-04, 10:58
It's official. 2G2BT really is 2G2BT.

He arrived at mine five minutes before me (nobody who knows me ever does early around me, or on time for that matter), cooked chicken (I was really brave, and left him to it, didn't even get anal about the whole separate chopping boards/knife thing) with fresh pasta, oven roast vegetables, mixed salad (ok, so he didn't cook this), and sun dried tomato bread, with an excellent bottle of rjoja, and fresh fruit salad to follow. Knowing my salmonella fear, he even over cooked the chicken slightly to put my mind at rest. He even washed as he cooked!!!!!

He didn't moan when i said that I had to pop into town and post a letter to the Town Hall, instead he drove me there, and we called at Rach's on the way back as I had some appointment cards for her too. He came in, and we had a quick drink with them. He had a glass of wine, and as he had drunk more than me at dinner, then he said I would have to drive the car home if I didn't mind.

MIND - call me shallow as a saucer, but it's not exactly a hardship is it - you can drive my TT if you have a cup of tea instead of a beer????? The man is mad. Nobody I know would let me behind the wheel of their fast sports car. I wouldn't even let myself behind the wheel of my own fast sports car. I am a boy racer in a skirt and heels. (Luckily, I wore my trainers) I love going fast. 2G2BT already thinks I've had my Fiesta chipped after I drove him (at speed, it was an emergency) to the stables on Sunday. So he knows how bad my driving is, yet he still let me drive (maybe he is a secret alcoholic? could this be the reason behind his 2G2BT persona?)

Anyway, I drove it with all the respect you should give a quattro going downhill on a bendy road in dry road conditions. Ditto on the flat. Ditton uphill. And he never moaned once, instead he complimented me on my driving ability, and my racing use of the gear box! This could be love - it holds the road so well, is really comfortable, you feel like you are wearing it, and it's so easy to drive. I could never have one, it goes so fast without you even knowing, I'd be banned in a week. But still, it's nice to dream! I got such a buzz off it, there is nothing like pushing a car to make you feel alive (apart from maybe galloping across the countryside), but at least in a car the brakes are guaranteed!

Anyway, we got back home, and of course he had to stay over again, as he had had too much to drink to drive. (But not that much). Theres a clue there Jules and Nic. I did offer to drive him back to Notts, and bring his car back in the morning, but I don't think he's quite that stupid. Still worth a try.

Anyway, he left just before lunch, as he had to get back for a delivery, and he's coming round again on Sunday to take me out for a drink (I'm trying to think of a remote pub, up a big hill, thats quite a way away, and I'll accidentally let him drink too much so I have to drive home), the Cat and Fiddle is looking the most likely at the minute. Or maybe Castleton somewhere.

I've actually managed to stop thinking about it too - we had a discussion, and he thinks too much too. (he also suffers from anxiety, depression and IBS, so he really does understand)

I have decided that no matter what, I am going to make this a positive experience. If nothing else I have proved the following:

1. Decent, nice, honest, good looking, caring, intelligent, kind men DO exist
2. I have the attributes to pull one
3. I don't have to settle for third best all the time, I just need the confidence in myself, and people will believe in me
4. I can relax and just go with the flow, and it feels good
5. Nothing bad will happen if I share my time and space with other people
6. I can cope with having somebody in the house 24 hours. It's no worse, and actually a bit better, than being on my own
7. He likes me for being me, I don't have to try or pretend
8. I can admit to being mad, and not all people are going to run a mile. There are understanding men out there.
9. Having a bit more confidence and faith in myself make

nomorepanic
01-05-04, 16:44
Charlie

He does sound so lovely and 2G2TB but I am sure he isn't.

Why can't you have that dream man and he not be gay etc (LOL). There are men out there that are single and still looking like you and him! Perhaps SB was thinking that he would never meet anyone that would understand his illnesses (just like you).

You have discovered a lot about yourself in a short space of time as well.

Well done and look forward to seeing you next weekend if we all get there!

xx

Nicola

stimpy
03-05-04, 11:19
Charlie

That is fantastic news. I am so very pleased for you.
I love the wedding plan - that sounds like just my cup of tea!

We are all good people underneath, we are just hidden from view due to the evils of Mr Panic.

You're doing great!

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

benoo5
03-05-04, 22:34
omg charlie,i am so thick....i thought 2G2BT,was the number plate of his car...have fun my friend,you have brought so much pleasure to our lives,that its about time,the pleasure was yours.

love from bryan xxx.

lilac kitten
04-05-04, 09:32
Charlie,

Excellent, things seem to be going really well for you and Mr. 2G2BT. One tiny thing, if he really is as good as he sounds then can we clone him because I want one!!

Looking forward to the next installment.

Ruth
x

Jules31
04-05-04, 11:28
OOOOOOhhhhh Charlie, I am so excited for you!!!!! and even more pleased that you have started to discover the old you. Maybe there's hope for all of us.

The wedding plans sound perfect, and well purple that sounds great and it's my favourite colour. The darker the better though. Hey maybe we can go to Rock City for your hen night and take over the place so it's just how it used to be a few years ago.

What I want to know now is what happened on Sunday. Did you get to drive the car again? I'm so jealous.

Hugs
Jules

pauline
06-05-04, 13:52
Yes come on charlie, i have been loveing reading whats been happening with 2G2BT. Your post's have been great so where's the next instalment. Don't keep us waiting much longer i'm on tender hooks here in Birmingham. I hope everything is still ok.

Love what you said Liz about us anxious people, We are all good people underneath, we are just hidden from view due to the evils of Mr Panic. I'm going to remember that the next time i get stuck in the bank. Which happend to me the other week. The guy was working on the doors as i was in the que and i thought to myself bet when it comes to me leaving there going to get stuck and he will not be able to open them and car'nt ya guess thats what happened. So i'm stuck and stressing and the manager just looked at me rudely and pointed to the guy fixing doors. When i did get out I was embarressed and felt stupid. Went home and told kids and they laughed at me not in a nasty way. But you know the more i thought about it the more angry i got and thought how uncareing that woman was and i know that if it was the other way around i would of gone over and tried to do all i could to help. Which just goes to show me that i might have panic but underneath i'm a kind careing person. Since then i have told a few other people mostly like joking kind of way well don't be asking me to go in that bank again cause i cannot show me face. It does seem to be just my luck to get stuck places. Not long ago got stuck in my friends bedroom when her lock jamed and her hubby had to break of the lock. It just seems to find me;)

Take care
Pauline

Lottie32
09-05-04, 18:08
2G2BT is still living up to his name.

I will update the lurve page at a later date, but not now.

I've had a very bad week.

On Thursday, darling pony was taken poorly. I've been on my own all week at work, and will be till next Wednesday. The MD from our German HQ came over and told us that he would be making some of us redundant, and that we will know in the next TWO WEEKS.

Frankly, though I don't care cos I had to have my pony put down in the early hours of Friday, so redundancies and everything else have paled into insignificance.

I don't feel like writing at the minute, cos I'm still very raw, but, as predicted, 2G2BT has been a life saver.

Hope everybody is well, and I'll be in touch soon

Love Matilda

Jules - love the idea of Rock City.

Nic - hes not gay

xxx

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

sadie
09-05-04, 18:30
Charlie,

Looking forward to the next lurve installment but hope your feeling ok, I know it must have been difficult losing your pony. You know where we all are if when you feel up to it.

Take care

sadie

kate
09-05-04, 19:07
Hiya Charlie,

Sorry to hear about your terribly sad news.

Kate x

pauline
09-05-04, 21:04
Hi Charlie

So sorry to hear about your pony you must be so upset. Take it easy on yourself this week and i hope all is ok on the job front. At least 2G2BT is living up to his name.

Take care
Pauline

nomorepanic
09-05-04, 21:12
Charlie!!

Hiya mate - so sorry to hear about your pony I bet you are devastated :(

We are here for you if you want to chat ok.

As for 2G2TB then I am so pleased that he is looking after you when you need it most.

Take care you and let us know if we can do anything ok?

xxx

Nicola

Meg
09-05-04, 21:50
Dear Charlie,

I'm so sorry to hear about your horse. I know how much you two have been through toegther and what a comfort he has been to you ..

We're never far away if you want to text , talk etc.

Meanwhile it would seem that 2G2BT has been sent just at the right time .

Love
Meg

Laurie28
10-05-04, 09:51
Charlie,

I'm so sorry you are having a bad time and very sorry about your pony. Let us know how you are when you feel up to it (as meg says text, e-mail whatever)

Thinking of you

Love
lucky

Jules31
10-05-04, 10:22
Big hugs Charlie, so sorry about your pony.

Hope you are feeling brighter soon. Take care, we're here for you when you need us.

Jules x

Lottie32
16-05-04, 20:20
Thanks guys

2G2BT is still around (surely my luck will run out very soon)

I am about to be made redundant (I found out cos I saw a memo on the MD's desk - and no I wasn't prying - he is inept!!)

Buried my pony on Wednesday afternoon, with a photo of our first show after I had rescued him.

I will tell all, quite likely tomorrow when I have to wait in for the glazier to arrive.

2G2BT is still living up to his name, not only did he insist on meeting me for a couple of hours before he went out for a night on the tiles with the lads, but he invited me round for a full cooked English breakfast the next morning.

He really is a star, and even if nothing along the lines you are all thinking happens, I truly hope that I have made a very special friend with this one! I hope you are all still keeping everything crossed for me!

Thanks for all your kind comments. I feel like I've had my arms cut off. I know he's only a pony, but when you've spent at least two hours, every day for the last thirteen years caring for something, it makes a huge hole to find he's not there anymore. In recompense, I am now filling my time going to the gym three times a week! Thanks Meg for that one - it really does help!

Better brighter message tomorrow

Love Matilda

(P.S - as well as keeping everything crossed for 2G2BT, can you also keep things doubly crossed that I get made redundant! Thanks guys) XXXX

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

kate
16-05-04, 20:42
Hiya Charlie,

Glad to see that things are still going well on the man front!!!

Will keep everything crossed for you. Hope it helps!!

Kate x

Meg
16-05-04, 20:45
Dear Charlie,

I'm so sorry about Mr. T.

We all get close to our pets and horses are that much involving and when you're practicing and competing together there is a real team effort/understanding so it is awful for you.

Thinking of you


Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

sarah
18-05-04, 08:32
Hi Charlie

I dont know how I missed this post but I just wanted to say Im so sorry about Trampus. I hope you are doing ok and you are keeping yourself busy.
Im thinking of you matey.
take care

Love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

Lottie32
18-05-04, 19:38
HALO SLIPPING????

Dear Deidree ........

2G2BT came over last night to join me on my pool team (bless). He then informed me that he would be unavailable the forthcoming weekend as his friend was visiting from Europe.

This was arranged in JANUARY (I have only been seeing him a short while remember), and they are going to a business function, for which he needed a partner on Friday night, and to see the to a show on Saturday night in London. He is then taking her back to the airport on Sunday morning.

He told me last night and was very upfront and honest. He doesn't believe in lying, and has always been totally 100% with me so far, and it didn't bother me when he told me what has happening. After all it was a long term arrangement.

The thing is the person coming over from Europe is his ex girlfriend. They are still very good friends, and only split up as they wanted totally different things in life. They decided that they would be better off as good friends, than try and keep the relationship going in opposite directions, and ending up falling out.

They split up ages ago, and he has told me all about her, right from when I first met him (but not in an obsessive way).

I was fine, but one or two people have (well meaningly) started to question whether this is kosher. I trust 2G2BT implicitly, but due to my past relationship history, seeds have now been sown - not that I think he is lying, but in a self preservation way - as to whether I'll end up being given the runaround again (remember the long term boyfriend who went back to his American ex, the labrador lady, and also the ex who married on holiday and forgot to tell me)

Do I follow my gut instinct and trust him? Or do I go on what has happened in the past and tell him I'm not happy (not because I don't trust him, but because of what has happened to me in the past?)

I don't want to go over the top and loose him, and to be fair if I hadn't listened to my friends, I don't think I'd be concerned.

He is coming over on Wednesday to take me out to dinner, as he wants to see me before the weekend, and he is away on business on Thursday night.

Am I being paranoid? Most of my friends are male and he never moans about anything I do, or anybody I talk to. I have tried to be totally honest with him, and he has returned the favour - after all he could have fibbed to me.

Marvin the Paranoid android - or justified all men are ****s response?

Help!!!! I really don't want to mess up this friendship as 2G2BT is really lovely

Love


Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

sarah
18-05-04, 19:54
Hiya Mate

Well I dont know the answer to this one. Me being me would be too shy/scared to say something. I would let it fester in my head and torture myself about goings on etc. This would inevitably lead me to be grumpy and moody and would eventually spoil things or result in a massive row when he wanted to know what was wrong.

This said, ive got a feeling you are far more sensible and up front about things than me. If I were you, if it really wasnt an issue to you till your mates (well meaningly) stuck their oar in, then go with your instinct and trust him. If theres any chance it could turn into the scenario that would be played out a la Sarah, then just have a casual conversation about it or make it into a joke.

love Sarah


we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

Lottie32
19-05-04, 08:06
thanks babe - and thanks for thinking of me and Trampus x

I trusted him 100% until well meaning people started saying things.

My bestie says go with your gut instincts too

Me sensible? Oh we really must meet up sometime!!!! How much will I shatter your illusions of me!!!!!

Lots of Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Jules31
19-05-04, 13:58
Charlie

Sweetie, go with your gut instincts and trust him. You could of course tell him that you feel uncomfortable about the situation if the opportunity came up.

I'm still really good friends with one of my ex's and it is purely platonic. I was upfront with Dave about it from the start and he was naturally edgy but trusted me. Now he even encourages me to and and see him if I haven't for a long time.

Love
Jules

pauline
19-05-04, 14:14
Hi Sarah

I agree with Jules and sarah go with how you feel. Why spoil something, don't get me wrong i would feel just like sarah would but this is a new repationship and he has been honest as you yourself say he could of lied but he choose to be honest, you have to give him credit for that, he must realise that you might think something. You just have to hope do not let your past spoil what you have now.

Take care
Pauline

Lottie32
20-05-04, 19:41
You are all right

This is purely a self esteem issue - of course if he sees his ex, then they are bound to get back together as she is bound to be nicer, thinner, taller, prettier, cleverer, less mad etc etc than me.

Yesterday I felt like ****e. I'm still missing my horse, work is just terrible at the moment, waiting for them to swing the axe, and I was really getting my knickers in a twist about the whole friend for the weekend issue. I nearly cancelled our dinner date.

However (thanks again Meg - your advice works so well) I went to the gym after work, and ran my little legs off.

2G2BT picked me up at 7.30 and we went to a really nice pub for a shared starter, a nice juicy steak and a pudding which we are still debating what it was! All of a sudden it was 10.00, the night had flown. We left the pub and 2G2BT suggested that we went to the local for a game of pool - and threw me his car keys. I broke loads of laws and had the police been around I would have been banned for driving for the rest of my life. But I felt sooooo much better for it, alive and with good adrenaline buzzing. We had a couple of good games of pool, and then he took me home, as we were both in that chilled, relaxed, eaten well, sleepy, alls right with the world sort of mood.

It wasn't till he drove off that I realised that I hadn't mentioned the whole dutch girl thing - because we were having such a good time, and whilst I intended to get it off my chest, I really lost the feeling when I was with him that I needed to. What I mean is that he felt so genuine, I really can't believe that he is plotting anything even remotely devious.

He sent me a text today, thanking me for a lovely evening, suggesting that we go on a track day later in the summer, and thanking me for being so cool about the dutch girl, as she is his best friend and an important part of his life. So, if anything is to develop, then it looks like I'll have to sort my self esteem issues out! They are in London this weekend, but he said that I would really get on with her when I met her. As my bestie pointed out, it stands a much better chance of going somewhere if he leaves me thinking what a nice night, not god is she ever going to stop banging on about the dutch girl .....

Time will tell, but lets hope I've not been taken for a mug yet again.

Maybe I should start cloning him now, so if it does go wrong, I can get another one, but with the bad bits sorted out!!!1

Thanks guys, your advice has helped imensley. I think one of the main problems is that I've got used to having him around at weekends, we really do enjoy each others company, and this week, I could really do with him around! It's just timing. In January, he couldn't have known he'd meet a girl, who would subsequently be made redundant and loose her horse in the space of a week.

Last week I was ok, but this week I feel awful. I thinks it's because I was living on adrenaline last week, and this has gone now, leaving me prone and feeling all vulnerable. I've been used to feeling soo good recently, any change for the worse feels so bad.

Bath, early night and a good book and hopefully I'll be back on track tomorrow. And only one more day at work, and then I can forget it for the weekend.

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

sadie
20-05-04, 20:09
Charlie,

I hope you dont take this the wrong way but I have been reading your posts in admiration and with a little touch of envy recently.

You seem to be much happier with yourself (apart from the obvious..losing your horse)and enjoying life. I think its great that you have finally met someone you feel comfortable with, who understands you and that you find easy on the eye!

I am no relationship expert but trust is a large part of any relationship and I would say one of the most important one. I think he has shown you loads of respect by being up-front with you about his ex and he obviously trusts and values you. Most guys wouldnt have bothered telling you about there ex if you didnt mean something to them! Always trust your instinct...you know best!

I think this guy has been good for you and maybe he isnt 2gtbt but just the right one for you!

Chin up mate....dont worry about a thing, the reason you are feeling so vulnerable as you really like this guy and you want it to work. Well in my opinion so does he..so stop worrying.

Just chillout and relax over the weekend by visiting some friends and keep yourself occupied to stop the worrying.

Take care.



sadie

twister
20-05-04, 21:28
Hi Charlie

When I had been going out with my current boyfriend for a couple of months I had my ex boyfriend to stay. He even stayed in my bed ( we topped and tailed!)but nothing happened. I cant believe my current boyfriend was so trusting lol but we are still here together over 6 years later so things worked out fine!

He sounds lovely anyway and this is probably good for both of you as he'll realise how lovely you are compared to Helga!

Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

Lottie32
21-05-04, 19:46
Thanks Sadie and Emily

I know deep down you are both right. I think the main problem here is a combination of a fear of history repeating itself, and feeling totally exhausted after the events of the last few weeks.

As my friend Jo said, to loose your horse is tragic, to know you are about to loose you job is terrible, but for both things to happen within 24 hours of each other, is enough to send anybody mad!

I am really struggling today. I feel so tired and exhausted. I felt wretched at work, and so I ran everything off at the gym which helped, and I'm just hoping that after I've eaten and had a shower I'll feel a bit more like I want to. I'm hoping I can manage an hour up town with the girls then back home for an early night. I don't think in the mood I'm in sitting in on my own would be a very good idea. I'm quite teary and drained, but at least I know why I'm feeling like this at the minute. The tension at work is nearly unbearable. We received a letter on Monday (dated last Friday) informing us that management would discuss the redunancies individually with each member of staff "within the next few days". It is now 5 days since we received the letter and we still haven't been consulted! I think they are going to make us wait till Wednesday before they inform us who is going and who is staying - and I really feel at this moment in time that if they leave it any later than that, that I shall end up having to take some time off sick. I'm really struggling with it at the minute. I'm trying not to be defeatist, or give in, but I can honestly say that this has been quite a traumatic couple of weeks. I keep having to check that I have taken my prozac - I feel like I did before I started taking it!

Fingers crossed a relaxed hour with the girls, a filling tea, a nice bath and an early night (not necessarily in that order) work their stuff!

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

lilac kitten
21-05-04, 22:26
Charlie,

So sorry to read about your horse. You must be feeling quite lost right now. But you seem like you have a good network of friends both here on the site and at home to support you.

I can also sympathise with the work issue as we constantly go through this at my work. They announced in February they were getting rid of 100 by the end of April - what a wait that was. And to make us feel even more secure they are still hitting the odd person here and there even after the deadline date.

As for 2G2BT. I think everything will be OK. Ask a few questions though like how often does she come over and will it be a regular occurance. It doesn't have to bother you, but its nice to know whats going on. At least he was honest with you and he's done you proud so far (Oh and he has an Audi TT!).

I hope you have a nice weekend and let us know how things go.

Ruth
x

sarah
22-05-04, 08:31
Hiya Charlie

I too can sympathise with the work thing
We got told in November 2000 that they were closing our unit down in march 2001. The date then changes to June 2001, November 2001, November 2002 (when all but 4 of us left) and I finally got the push in Jan 2003. That is what set me off into being the nutter I am today!
Please dont let your work get you down, I dont want to see you go down the slippery slope I went down!
Take care of yourself. you know you have us lot to offload on anytime you need dont you?

Take care mate
Love Sarah
xx


we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

nomorepanic
22-05-04, 17:47
Hi Charlie

I hope you feel a bit better today cos you were doing so well and I hate to hear that you are down.

Don't worry about 2G2TB - I am sure that it is as he says - just a friend. Don't read anymore into it?

Keep your chin up over the job too - could be a good thing. Now you will be forced to go out there and re-evaluate your life and find something that you REALLY want to do.

Hope the sunny day has cheered you up a bit.

xxx

Nicola

twister
22-05-04, 21:10
Hi Charlie

Dont forget you have a reason to be feeling anxious at the moment - anyone would feel bad with their horse dying and uncertainty about their job. I'm not trying to make you feel worse (lol!) I'm just trying to point out that what you are feeling is normal and is not necessarily anything to do with anxiety so don't give yourself a hard time.

Just make sure you look after yourself and come in here regularly to chat to us!

Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

Jules31
24-05-04, 10:48
Hi Charlie

Hope you got through the weekend ok and are feeling alittle bit brighter. Be easy on yourself, you have been through a lot lately. I'm sure things will settle down soon. You are doing brilliantly, even if you don't feel like it some of the time.

Hugs

Jules

stimpy
24-05-04, 11:35
Oh Charlie, I'm sorry about your horse.
Losing a pet is like losing a member of your family.
It is great that 2GTBT has been there for you when things turned rough last week.

You have to give him credit, he has been honest with you, he has told you about this girl.
He could have been a real stinker and not said anything, made up an excuse for not seeing you for awhile and fed you a load of lies but he didn't.
So in his spirit of honesty, I guess it is only fair you offer your trust in him in return.

You are doing brilliantly. Take things in your stride and be easy on yourself.
You have come through a dreadful week.

I'm sure everything will work out okay and 2GTBT will behave himself and be honest with you.





Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Laurie28
25-05-04, 09:47
Hiya Charlie,

Sorry I haven't been on for a while!!! I hope you had a nice chilled weekend and are feeling refreshed!!! I also hope you have a good night tomorrow with TGTBT

Love
Lucky

Caz Fab Pants
01-06-04, 20:49
Charlie,

I have to confess I haven't read the entire 6pgs that go with this post but the bits that I did read told me one thing for sure. You have the exact same problem as me in that your brain is constantly racing. Thats the first thing I noticed when I read the original post. Your mind was clearly jumping from one negative thought to the next regarding the whole date thing with the 'fix it' guy.

I was glad to read that you still go to your local for drinks with friends and wondered exactly how much your anxiety effects your life? You obviously have a job which shows you are not too limited.

God I'm still so over whelmed by this forum, its all so relative I just dont know where to start. Bear with me guys (& girls)

Caroline
x

Lottie32
04-06-04, 13:03
UPDATE: .........

I have been made redundant (finish at the end of May)

I have several jobs lined up (one as a Wedding Planner !!!!! ha ha ha ha)

I haven't got a clue what to do, or which to take

I feel like I need to sleep for ever

The Festival went well, and we raised nearly £2,000 on Monday. (Grand total of £4,000 to give away)

2G2BT is still around. And still 2G2BT. He even helped me dismantle the market stalls and gazeebos after the festival, and then took me out for dinner, before returning with me for the evening entertainment!

Lets just hope (fingers and everything crossed) that we can both sort out heads out simultaneously!

There are no plans for Dutch girl to come over anytime soon, as she is skint and will need to save for ages for another trip over, but when she does come, I am going to meet her.

Hope everybody is ok, will fill you in more on 2G2BT feats of goodness very soon, once presentation night is out of the way!

Love :-) Charlie


Hi Caroline

My anxiety affects me in lots of wierd and wonderful ways. I manage to go to work, cos I've been doing it for 11 1/2 years, and I feel safe here - but I'm not sure about doing something else!

My brain is constantly racing. I think that low self esteem also plays a big part in my problems. For example, if somebody starts behaving differently towards me, then I automatically presume that I have "done something", and start to panic over what I have done, how I can put things right, and how I can prevent further recurrence!

Of course, 9 times out of 10, I have done nothing wrong, the other person is going through a bad time, is tired, isn't getting on at work, has toothache, a hangover, is hungry etc. etc. etc. There are usually a million different reasons why things change - and I need to learn that change doesn't make me a bad person!

This site is great - I'm usually on much more, but due to various events this last month, I just havent had time!



Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Caz Fab Pants
04-06-04, 17:21
Charlie,

Must be great to have the confidence and energy to be so busy and I'm sure it must help with the anxiety.

It sounds as though you are alot more 'sorted' than you give yourself credit for and I'm sure if I was to meet you I'd be envious, in a nice way of course.

By the way, if you dont mind me asking, how old are you?

Caroline
x

twister
06-06-04, 22:52
Hi Charlie

i am glad to hear 2GTBT is still living up to his name - he sounds amazing.

Regarding your job I am sure you will be okay and its good you have some options open. With the new man and the new job coming try to see it as a new phase in your life starting....

Emily

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit
Understanding is knowing not to put it in a fruit salad

pauline
07-06-04, 13:49
Hi Charlie

just wanted to say sorry about the job i know how much change can affect us anxious people. keep us informed how the job hunting goes and what you decide to do. So pleased that 2GTBT is turning out to be so lovely. Enjoy

Take care
Pauline

Lottie32
08-06-04, 23:03
Hi guys

Interview tomorrow for wedding planner, one on Friday for Quality Manager, business link on Monday (been) setting up self employed, and solicitors today - I can do the bas**** for unfair dismisal!

Still havent got a clue what to do, and the temptation is to just take the first job that comes along as I am terribly frightened of not having a regular salary going into the bank.

Caroline = I am 33 (going on 12)

Em - thank you for your support - I just hope that both doors remain open!!!!!!

Update soon - 2G2BT has just started a new job and I'm not seeing so much of him, but he is still making a 40 mile round trip to beat me at pool! Fingers crossed.

Love Charlie x

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

kate
08-06-04, 23:32
Hiya Charlie,

Good luck for the interview for tomorrow!

Kate x

nomorepanic
09-06-04, 19:47
Hi Charlie

Good luck for the job interviews.

Are you stsill going to Meg's on the 26th?

Nicola

Meg
10-06-04, 15:42
Good luck Charlie . Hope they all go well and you can choose which you want !



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

Laurie28
11-06-04, 09:41
Good look with the interviews Charlie

Knock em dead!!!

Love
Lucky

pauline
12-06-04, 17:37
Hi charlie

Hope all went well at the job interviews.

Just take each day one at a time and you decide what you want to do. Don't rush to take the first job that comes along though i do understand when you say about worrying about not having a regular wage going into the bank.

Take care
Pauline

Lottie32
16-06-04, 19:59
Hi Guys

In the grips of some sort of allergy/cold type thing and feel poohy. Had today off work, and spent it infecting my friends kids! Also cleaned B's house.

They called today to say the wedding planner job isn't mine. Not too disappointed - I'm not sure I can do posh all day every day. And stay clean - I'm a bit of a scruff at heart!

Didn't go for quality managers job - they wouldn't give me time off work to go - I phoned ACAS, and they said that if my not being there affection the operational running of the company then they could make me stay. It then begs the question how the eff can I be redundant if the place can't manage without me???????

Got an interview lined up on Friday as a part time activities co-ordinator for an old folks home specialising in alzheimers. I'm not going to say what 2G2BT said, in case if offends, but it went along the lines of only having to plan one activity and repeat it daily, as nobody would remember what they had done the next day.

2G2BT is still around. We are going to a party on Saturday. He is coming over the watch the footie with me tomorrow afternoon and then going home for cricket practice.

Fingers crossed, and I'll keep you informed.

Yes I am coming on the 26th, I've had the day off cleaning especially!

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

stimpy
17-06-04, 11:23
Good news to know you and 2GTBT are still getting on well.



Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Jules31
17-06-04, 12:37
Fingers crossed for the job interview Charlie. Sorry about the wedding planner's job.But hey maybe you could help plan mine seeing as I keep putting things off.

Glad 2GTBT is still living up to his name.

Enjoy the footie and looking forward to seeing you on 26th

Jules

Lottie32
18-06-04, 19:21
Jules - I'm brill at organising stuff, so just bring everything with you to Megs - I warn you though, I'm a bit bossy too.

And from the beginning of July, I'm a free woman, so I'll have loads of time too.

Maybe we could do the Rock City Hen Night for yours?

Look forward to seeing you on Saturday - who else is coming?

Thanks Liz - I'm not sure what I want to do anyway - I seem to be drifting quite aimlessly. Are you coming to Megs?

Love


Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Jules31
21-06-04, 12:21
Ummm Charlie, bring the stuff, well that would mean that I actually had anything other than the details of the church and venue, (which I have booked). I keep changing my mind about what I want, so until I decide colours and stuff, think I'm struggling. Have made Dave promise he will sit down and discuss it with me. What chance do you reckon I have at that then.

Ummm a Rock City Hen night, now that could be good.

Can cope with bossy, just not scary. Think I keep putting it off cos people keep telling me I should have booked the cars, cake blah blah by now. I can be a bit stubborn.

No idea who else is going on Sat. Meg you any more info. Any idea what time we need to go over etc?

Love
Jules

Meg
21-06-04, 13:34
I'll be here all day - lol - but I guess from 10 onwards

Us and Nic and Jonny was coming but heard no more.

Meg

Lottie32
22-06-04, 21:30
I'm coming. I am going to be brave enough.

Jules - I can get you a cake made at short notice. And cars are easy. Who wrote the rule that you have to hire a silly posh car?

I don't think I'm scary. But then I do frighten myself sometimes (but thats more on a personal level!) I'll let you decide.

See you all on Saturday.

Love

Charlie

What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

Lottie32
15-07-04, 19:15
OMG - you don't log on for a couple of weeks, and all of a sudden your comfy cosy safe and friendly website has changed. Beyond all recognition!!!! Good work Nic - I love it!

Well TGTBT is still on the scene. We are still going out for nice expensive meals in quiet country pubs - on long winding steep hills. And I'm still getting to drive back. He is still playing pool, and is still as lovely as ever.

I think mainly because of the stress of the last couple of weeks, i've not been handling things too well though. He has just started a new job which involves travelling the length and breadth of England on a daily basis, and he is pooped a lot more than he ever was. (He had ME a while ago, and his energy levels aren't good at the best of times!) So I haven't been seeing as much of him as I had previously. Of course, I then started to become paranoid - it was because he didn't want to see me any more, and just didn't have the heart to tell me, cos of loosing Mr T, and being made redundant, so he was letting me go gradually, hoping I'd take the hint, and would stop bugging him. If he didn't answer his phone, or text me back immediately, or put a X at the end of his message, I got all traumatised, upset and panicky. Then I stood back, and realised that I was generally feeling quite teary and wobbly in general. And I thought about it again, and realised that this was exactly how I had started to feel before I went on the prozac. I'm still taking it, but it didn't seem to be having quite the desired effect. This coupled with spending more time with my highly supportive and loving mother, and not seeing as much of TGTBT and having to sort out all my pensions, and savings etc, was just getting on top of me. So I went to the doctors, and got a double dose of prozac, which I'm taking for a month only!Then I'm back to my 20mg a day dose. Anyway, it is definitely doing the trick, cos even despite the fact I'm sleeping so badly, I'm not at all bothered that TGTBT is going over to see Karin for the weekend. In fact, I think the break will do him good, and hopefully he'll come back recharged and refreshed.

I've also been careful to watch my diet, and have had a couple of reikei sessions, which I think are great. And I hate any sort of crystal waving, hairy armpitted, incense smelling hippy nonsense.

I'm doing a chamber of commerce small business course, and things are doing ok as regards the cleaning. Once I get my market research questionnaires back, I'm going to start handing out the flyers and cards with a vengence.

I had some CBT the other week, and Amanda doesn't want to see me again for two months, which is good too.

I'm going to call my business Clean Sweep. If this name is already registered, then I'm going to become OCD Cleaning Services. Amanda thought that this was great, and if it happens, she wants a card to put in the back of my file!!!!!

The CBT has helped, and so has all the support I've got from the forum - I now know my weaknesses, and I'm going to harness them to start my own empire. I knew one day my manic tidying, putting everything down symetrically, and being fixated by toilet hygiene would come in handy.

TGTBT, Rach, Nic, and Bri all think its and excellent idea. My dearest mater wonders if I have the stamina for it - I pointed out that for the last three months I have been working seven day weeks. And she hasn't even got the strength to unscrew a jar of salad cream. If she cooks a sunday lunch, she has to lie down for a couple of hours afterwards. I spend my Sundays cooking and serving lunches. We did 500 covers the other day, and you didn't catch me sitting down until the kitchen closed at 8.30!

As a top tip, asking people recently made redundant what they are doing today/this evening/tomorrow/next week isn't one of the best conversation starters. Nor is going on about moving out. And comments about how rich you would be if you had never had kids aren't appreciated very much either. TGTBT says me and my mum rub each other up the wrong way, but to be fair I think even mother Theresa wou