Do you worry what other people think of you?

[goldilockz]

Hi guys,

My anxiety has taken several different forms through the years, previously the intrusive thoughts of OCD and most recently, chronic worrying about what other people (mainly in the future) might think of me or say about me. I don't know why my anxiety has taken this particular form but I can spend several hours a day worrying about how other people might perceive me, what they will say about my lifestyle choices (some of which aren't conventional such as the fact I don't drink and don't have or desire to have children, both of which I have been judged for in the past which has been quite hurtful). I'm not sure if it's because I have been bullied in the past and have found it very painful but I spend many hours making up hypothetical situations in my head with faceless people and what I might say to them if they criticise me, which I probably wouldn't anyway as I am a mild-mannered person. I end up worrying so much about the cruelty of some people, how they can gossip and be so horrible to others, and dread this happening to me as it has in the past. I often feel lonely, lost and as if I don't fit in, even though I have some lovely friends and a very supportive boyfriend. Any advice would be very gratefully received. Thanks xx

[neowallace]

Hi goldilockz

I very much do and can identify with everything you have said. CBT can be useful in challenging your thoughts.:)

warmest regards
neowallace

[goldilockz]

Hi Neowallace,

Thank you :) I really appreciate your message and am glad someone can identify with me. Could you tell me a bit more about how CBT can help? I have received CBT for OCD in the past and it was helpful but I'm not sure how I could use it for this issue. Also, do you know of any books that may help as I can't afford therapy at the moment.

Thank you again xx

[benitabritten]

Hi Goldilockz,
Remember people only do to you what you allow them to get away with. Your life purpose is not to impress and please others. So a good place to start will be to do things that make you happy and victorious. Take some time out and think of your life positioning and reposition yourself to win by making sure you're in line with your own growth and joy.
Stay positive about yourself and do what you love most. When others comment or judge-it's clearly evident they not on the same wave length as you and that's out of your control. Don't allow others to intimidate you and steal you're joy.

Remain focused
God bless
Benita

[goldilockz]

Thank you Benita, your post brought a tear to my eye, it was lovely :D
I allow others to define me to much rather than living my life on my own terms which is what everyone should do. I have been bullied a lot as a child and recently, at work and it has really got to me. I am trying to rise above it and spend more time with those who are kind and supportive rather than people who, like you say, steal my joy. It's great to have the support of you and others on this forum. Thank you again, you've made my day xx

[london]

why worry over what people think , as my nan used to say people dont pay your rent why worry
god bless

[neowallace]

Hi Goldilockz, sorry i am not too sure how to explain how CBT would help with that issue. I am similar therapy is too expensive for me just now so I read self help books, cbt books and spiritual books. A book that I found really good and I will probably read it myself again is the The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr D Burns. I am currently reading Overcoming Low Self Esteem as I suffered bullying when I was younger as well..I wish you all the best and hope your day is getting better..

warmest regards
neowallace

[goldilockz]

why worry over what people think , as my nan used to say people dont pay your rent why worry
god bless

This is what my mum says all the time. I believe this on a rational basis but because I have been hurt in the past, sometimes my mind gets the better of me and takes me into some very dark places :weep:


Hi Goldilockz, sorry i am not too sure how to explain how CBT would help with that issue. I am similar therapy is too expensive for me just now so I read self help books, cbt books and spiritual books. A book that I found really good and I will probably read it myself again is the The Feeling Good Handbook by Dr D Burns. I am currently reading Overcoming Low Self Esteem as I suffered bullying when I was younger as well..I wish you all the best and hope your day is getting better..

warmest regards
neowallace

Thanks Neowallace. Funnily enough, Overcoming Low Self-Esteem has been on my amazon wish list for a while but I've never got round to buying it. Is it any good? Thank you for your kind words :)

[neowallace]

You are welcome Goldilockz I am about half way through it's good when I am reading it but I forget to apply it in daily life..Thanks for your kind words as well and best wishes to you

[Moggo]

I've come to the conclusion that unfortunately as a society we are judgemental and it is only getting worse :(

[goldilockz]

I've come to the conclusion that unfortunately as a society we are judgemental and it is only getting worse :(

I agree too. Judgements come from insecurity so an increasingly judgemental society means an increasingly insecure society. :weep:

[theharvestmouse]

its the little things sometimes, I've had comments said behind my back which I found out about, I just came to the conclusion that I will not bother with those people any more.

[goldilockz]

its the little things sometimes, I've had comments said behind my back which I found out about, I just came to the conclusion that I will not bother with those people any more.

I'm sorry to hear that harvestmouse but you are obviously a brave person for deciding those people aren't worth bothering about. I have had hurtful things said behind my back by a particular girl at my old work and then strangers would come up to me and tell me she was constantly talking about me. While such bullies are obviously jealous or cowards, it is very difficult to avoid that kind of thing hurting you. I have spent many nights crying because of some of the things she said and many panick attacks about going into work as a result.

[evil monkey]

I think I'm only worried that people might notice things about me that are true, that aren't what I want them to be. pm too.

[debbsi]

Hi
I can really empathise with your initial post, I have had actualy conversations in my head about things people may say to me. I even talk to myself when I'm alone. I have imagined things which could (but probably wont) happen, I beleive this is part of OCD. My therapist has really helped me with this by tackling the worrying, by rationalising the negative automatic thoughts. Things like writing down the worry and rationalising it rather than ruminating over it, or keeping a worry diary, or keeping aside a small amount of time each day where you spend worrying about those thoughts and then move on. I often find if I leave worry till a later time when I look back on it, it seems silly and I forget about it. Another technique is to think what advice you would give to a friend if they told you about a worry they had and then take that advice yourself. My therapist always says about my worries to help me rationalise - wheres your evidence that that bad thing will happen you worry about? Would your evidence stand up in court?
Thats a real snapshot of cbt! My cbt is on the NHS and I have had it several years ago but they still alowd me to take another course and its really helped me.
The way other people think of me is very important to me, so I undersand your worry xx

[goldilockz]

Hi Debbsi,

I spend a lot of time imagining conversations with people in which they victimise me, and end up actually believing them and getting very anxious and upset before realising that they didn't even happen and probably won't. I have suffered from OCD for a while now and it seems like the OCD 'monster' changes its topics freqeuntly. At first I was consumed with thoughts about harm coming to my mum and boyfriend and now it's about being bullied or judged negatively. Your CBT techniques are great, particularly the one about giving yourself the advice you'd give a friend. My mum only last week said I never take the advice I give other people. Your therapist sounds brilliant! I am actually seeing a therapist tomorrow and he seems very nice so finger's crossed he'll give me some more advice to add to my 'mental tool kit'!

Thank you for helping xx

[debbsi]

Good luck with your therapy appointment - let us know how you go on :)