Obsessing Over Everything Related to Health/Cancer

[iluvstaffies1]

Hi I posted this in the Introduce Youself section but just wondered if I could get any advice here too.

I am 35 year's old, married with a teenage son. I have suffered from anxiety and panic attacks since I was a teenager but over the past few years this has become much worse.

I obsess over things, mainly health related. I have been browsing the forum on health anxiety and I can say that I am so relieved that I am not alone and that my feelings match a lot of people's on here!

I have been to see my GP on numerous occasions about how I feel and in 2008 I had group therapy, which was more a just sit and listen kind of group and this did help me for a while. I have been prescribed Fluoxetine in the past, which made my panic attacks much, much worse and I really could not tolerate it. I have also been prescribed Propranolol, but after my experience with Fluoxetine I am so scared to take anything at all. I can't explain how bad I felt.

I am due to see a counsellor next Tuesday for an assessment to see what kind of therapy maybe able to help me. To me this is my last hope as I seem to have tried everything else.

For the past ten days I have had major anxiety about a red "thing" that appeared under my arm. I went to see my GP the day after it appeared and he looked at it and straight away told me it was a boil and gave me some antibiotic cream. I left the surgery feeling relieved, but by that evening I had convinced myself that the GP had got it wrong and it is something more sinister. I have hardly eaten since as I am so anxious about it as it hasn't disappeared, it is not so red, but it is still there and I know that if I woke up one morning and it had disappeared that my anxiety would also disappear, until the next health issue I obsess about.

I can only think that this all started when my uncle was diagnosed with oral cancer three years ago and then after this was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. He was 50 year's old at the time. I now have a manic fear of the dentist, which I have never had before and am obsessed with every little ulcer or mark on the inside of my mouth or tongue, I am constantly checking my mouth. Every morning when I wake up I run my tongue around the inside of my mouth checking for anything new that may have appeared. My uncle has never smoked, drank and is a healthy weight and used to exercise a lot.

I don't know what to do but what I do know is that I can't spend the rest of my life feeling like this.

[macc noodle]

Oh poor you - I can really relate to your problems.

You really need to go back to the doctors and explain how you feel about taking the meds and that you need some counselling to help you get better.

Health anxiety really needs CBT to make it better - the meds only take the edge off the anxiety and are not a long term solution to the problem.

It may well take some time for you to get to the top of the waiting list (I think I waited nearly 9 months) but 6 months on from starting the therapy, I feel loads better than I used to - it can only be described as absolute sheer bloody relief that I no longer spend all my days worrying about dying and having dreadful incurable illnesses - the freedom I feel from it is indescribable.

If only I could convince you simply by writing that you are not dying and you are suffering HA and then wave my magic wand - I would - I fully understand how miserable and time consuming the feelings are. :hugs:

I can tell you this though - there are plenty of people in here who have suffered and do suffer HA who will help you. I have found so many people in here who over the past 12 months have made my journey a little easier.

Go and see the doc and tell them how desperate you are to feel better and that you need help.

Good luck

Macc Noodle

xxxx

[iluvstaffies1]

Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps me to know that I am not alone in feeling like this. I feel so lucky to have found this forum.

I am due to see a counsellor on Tuesday where I have a half an hour appointment for them to assess what they think I need, whether it's group therapy, one or one or anything else. I am pinning all my hopes on this, which I really suppose I shouldn't do, but it does help me to talk about my fears.

I am so glad that therapy has helped you. I hope that it helps me just as much too. If I have something to focus on that will help me then it gives me a kind of distraction as well.

I also work in a hospital, doing clerical work, which I have done for the past 18 years and it has never bothered me before but now everything I come across that people have or are being tested for etc etc, I am convinced is going to happen to me!

Will let you know how my appointment goes. Yesterday I felt awful and went and did the dreaded Googling which of course made me feel worse but the good thing was that I came across this forum.

[emmalouise1975]

Hi there
I too suffer with severe health anxiety and almost everyday think today is the day I will die! I've suffered with palpitations since I was about 17 and I'm 36 now and since my anxiety took over I seriously believe I have an underlying heart condition that the Drs hav'nt seen! About 14 yrs ago I had 24 hr ecg's and a scan on my heart and nothing was found...they said my palps were just there and normal ones and are from eating choc and dring tea and coffee....since I've eliminated them and I still have palps I've been back to the Drs who has now given me Beta blockers which I've been on for 5 days now and although I've not had any palps on the tabs...I did have one when they wore off on wedsday evening but have made sure I take them in time now. But I still don't believe its the tabs working as some days I don't have palps so just think Im not having any at the mo and am waiting anxiously for them to start again! Everyday I feel physically sick and am so scared that I am dying and no-one is listening. I have 7 children and am so worried about leaving them. Last year I even increased my life insurance for my kids and am now considering seeing a solicitor about splitting it between them.
I get headaches, chest pains and my body just feels so ill all the time! I'm scared to go anywhere in case I die there or incase my heart goes and I will need an ambulance and am scared it won't reach me in time!
I'm due to go to the local psychiatric unit on wednesday and am hoping to have CBT as this is ruining what life I have left and causing me to be so down I just want my normal happy bubbly self back who goes anywhere and does anything...I feel like a right loser!!!!!!!!!
So....you are not alone....hope I hav'nt depressed anyone with the way I'm feeling...I hate telling people sometimes as I feel terrible and don't wanna upset others.
Hope you feel better soon...you are not alone xxxxxxxxx

[macc noodle]

And I should have said in my post NO MORE DR GOOGLE - he is an evil mean spirited resource masquerading as a doctor who will ALWAYS give you the worst case scenario !!!!

Good luck with the appointment - hope it goes well and you get the referral for the appropriate treatment for you.

You have already won the first part of the battle - recognising that you need to get help - once you have committed to your therapy (which is hard but worthwhile) you are on your way.

PM me anytime if you want to talk - more than happy to :D I know how it feels and I can tell you this now that I am feeling so much better my hubby and 2 kids are more than happy to have their old mum back !!!!

Thinking of you and good luck for next week.

Macc Noodle
xxxx

---------- Post added at 10:46 ---------- Previous post was at 10:43 ----------


Hi there
I too suffer with severe health anxiety and almost everyday think today is the day I will die! I've suffered with palpitations since I was about 17 and I'm 36 now and since my anxiety took over I seriously believe I have an underlying heart condition that the Drs hav'nt seen! About 14 yrs ago I had 24 hr ecg's and a scan on my heart and nothing was found...they said my palps were just there and normal ones and are from eating choc and dring tea and coffee....since I've eliminated them and I still have palps I've been back to the Drs who has now given me Beta blockers which I've been on for 5 days now and although I've not had any palps on the tabs...I did have one when they wore off on wedsday evening but have made sure I take them in time now. But I still don't believe its the tabs working as some days I don't have palps so just think Im not having any at the mo and am waiting anxiously for them to start again! Everyday I feel physically sick and am so scared that I am dying and no-one is listening. I have 7 children and am so worried about leaving them. Last year I even increased my life insurance for my kids and am now considering seeing a solicitor about splitting it between them.
I get headaches, chest pains and my body just feels so ill all the time! I'm scared to go anywhere in case I die there or incase my heart goes and I will need an ambulance and am scared it won't reach me in time!
I'm due to go to the local psychiatric unit on wednesday and am hoping to have CBT as this is ruining what life I have left and causing me to be so down I just want my normal happy bubbly self back who goes anywhere and does anything...I feel like a right loser!!!!!!!!!
So....you are not alone....hope I hav'nt depressed anyone with the way I'm feeling...I hate telling people sometimes as I feel terrible and don't wanna upset others.
Hope you feel better soon...you are not alone xxxxxxxxx

Hey Emma Louise - you will feel better one day - it is just a long haul.

The betablockers will give you the relief from not only the palps but also the constant state of anxiety - so keep taking them.

I know I sound like a preacher but I am a CBT enthusiast - it has released me from the prison of permanently feeling ill dreading dying etc just as you described in your post.

Good luck with your assessment.

Macc Noodle

:hugs:

xx

[emmalouise1975]

Ps my anxiety disappeared when I was 22 but cane back 3 months ago and is causing me severe problems...its comforting to know I had it before and it went so fingers crossed!!!
I've always had the palps tho for almost 19 yrs and was'nt bothered about them until I got anxiety!!!

[iluvstaffies1]

Thanks again. Am so glad to know that CBT has helped people, so hopefully I can get somewhere.

Emma Louise, I know exactly how you feel. It's like me at the moment with this thing under my arm. I am obsessed with it. I keep locking myself in the bathroom and checking it in the mirror. I try to go out the house, shopping or anything, just so I can't keep looking at it in the mirror.

I read on here about someone saying it's like the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, telling you different things. This is exactly how I am! I have the devil saying to me "check it again, it doesn't look any better, the GP was wrong, it should have healed up by now and gone away, are you sure the GP even looked at it properly and didn't just dismiss it as a boil??" and then I have the angel saying to me "it's a boil, they take time to heal, it looks just like scarring, whenever you even just get a little spot anywhere it takes forever for the scarring to fade, that's all it is, the GP knows what they are doing"

Aaaarrggh!

[emmalouise1975]

Thanks for the encouragement Macc Noodle....I too an hoping for CBT and get back on the rd to recovery for my husband and kids and also myslef too xxx

---------- Post added at 11:01 ---------- Previous post was at 10:58 ----------

Yes its horrible to think something is wrong all the time...I want to be my normal happy go lucky self who thinks "when your times up your times up" instead of thinking "is it today" everyday.....its physically and emotionally draining.
I too only found this site a few days ago and am so glad to meet people who know what I'm going through. Its quite comforting.

---------- Post added at 11:03 ---------- Previous post was at 11:01 ----------

Oh and I too keep googling stuff and also reading side effects off tabs and send myself into a frenzy sometimes so now I try my best not to google palps and heart probs and tabs etc etc

[miss polly]

You're far from feeling alone with this HA Iluvstaffies! I'm a fellow sufferer and it's hell! I'm 50 now and for me it's only got worse the older I get. I used to be able to try and rationalize it by thinking I'm too young to get whatever my latest fear was (usually some type of cancer!), but now of course I'm not! As soon as one fear has been allayed a new symptom pops up to take it's place. I'm exhausted with the fear and constant battle. My main fear is leaving my 3 children and 2 little grandchildren as they all depend on me. On the surface I appear so strong and capable, but underneath I'm a mass of fear.
I take propranolol and I must say it's definitely helped with the heart symptoms (racing etc) I've bought books galore on how to overcome HA, but it hasn't helped. My next step will be CBT as I can't get a handle on this and sort myself out ~ I need help.
My heart goes out to you and all HA sufferers :hugs:

[macc noodle]

Hey guys - me again !!!!!

Just wanted to say that I had a complete breakdown due to HA and depression when I was 34 - therapy and meds had me on the mend within the year and life had been tickety boo only experiencing the normal anxieties and ups and downs of normal life.

Then nearly 3 years ago (at the grand old age of 47) - along came the perimenopause and with it an absolutely horrendous attack of panics and health anxieties that rendered me an absolute jibbering wreck BUT thanks to the kindness and actions of my GP when I finally went to see her about it all (about 18 months ago) and the subsquent therapy I had (am hoping for my sign off appointment on Friday -woo hoo) I am almost back to normal!!!

Yes, I still have the propensity to get my knickers in a twist about an ache or a pain but can rationalise it pretty quickly these days - which is just about as normal as it gets IMO.

There is hope - you can get better - the will to succeed is a really big ingredient in this battle and you guys all seem to have that - so you are all already on the road to success - it just seems a big hill to climb right now but honies the view from the top is amazing.

Love to you all

Macc Noodle
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[iluvstaffies1]

Well this appointment I have tomorrow can't come quick enough for me. I am going off my head again today about this red mark under my arm. Am constantly examining it in the mirror, convincing myself it is no better and it is now two weeks since I found it.

I now know I shouldnt look things up on Google but I did look last week and now I have a time limit in my head that this boil should have gone by, so am even more anxious about it. Great.

Sorry for the moan. I just have no one to talk to about this.

[anxious]

Feel for you as ive been like that since 15.............now 44. Have to say CBT and a lot of self acceptance has helped. I give time limits to things too but there are always exceptions. My ex hubby had a sebaceous (sp?) cyst that lasted 10wks (like a boil).

[iluvstaffies1]

This thing that I have is now just flat and pinky/red. I look at it that much I cant honestly tell if its any better or not. I can touch it when I am brave enough to touch it and it isnt raised, completely flat. My rational voice keeps trying to tell me it is scarring.

Am goin to try really hard with the counselling. Been reading all the information on here about natural remedies and have got some vitamin B complex tablets and also got some Rescue Remedy. Its first thing in the morning when I am really bad. I wake up to my heart racing and am in a complete panic immediately on opening my eyes at the moment.

[anxious]

Mornings are always worse for me, i have to get up/dressed & out asap otherwise i could be there for hours checking!
You need to completely ignore it for a couple of days then you will notice a difference. Checking all the time will confuse you and when in a state of anxiety you wont know what you are looking at............honestly you can imagine anything x

[iluvstaffies1]

Yes you are right. I need to stop checking it. I am the same, weekends are worse for me because I have nothing to get up for likr in the week. I still get up early at the weekend and walk the dog but then just get back and sit in the house obsessing about my latest health "problem".

[anxious]

I am right and its what you will learn in CBT. You need distraction. You only need to check things when you have given them a period of time in between and when you are not feeling anxious. I only check in evenings because its my best time. CBT is hard but worth it and i wish you luck x

[iluvstaffies1]

Thanks Anxious, it makes me feel loads better when I come on here. I really do mean that x

[anxious]

im glad, thats why nmp is here x

[Gero67]

Cancer phobia, and general life threatening illnesses are the ones that gets us, so the thing is the fear is of death or of being in pain, a friend of mine who didn't have a fear of death but had a fear of getting a heart attack then thought to hell with this going to docs and A&E and then he thought what is the worst that can happen anyway, that I die he said so F*&% IT!! And he said that his fears all went away, his kind of CBT.

I think CBT is good but for me medication has got rid of most of it, the HA I mean, when you have pain or weird numbness or nausea or something that could be related to cancer then you subconsciously know this and this rings alarm bells, so CBT can be good but also getting out and getting busy and doing things you love may all be helpful.

Wow I didn't know so many people have the same problem that I have been living with for decades:ohmy:

[iluvstaffies1]

So I have been for my appointment today and it was for an assessment to see what they thought would help me best, i.e. counselling, group therapy or CBT.

We both decided that definitely CBT would help me as it is more for the here and now and not what has happened in the past. Does this sound right?

I definitely need to change my way of thinking and train my brain to be more rational so hopefully this is the way to go. There is a minimum 2 month waiting list, which is fine with me as I have lived with this anxiety for years so another couple of months isn't going to be a problem!