am i losing the plot

[womble]

Hi - I am a bit scared to even write about this but does anyone else live like this? I have been agorophobic for the last sixteen years but lately I feel like a switch is going to flick and I am going to go completely barmy and loony!! I say things to myself lik e' if I can't get hold of my partner on the phone then I will go crazy' etc.. Is it just that I cannot cope with living like this anymore. Please tell me I am not the only one who fears being locked up and having a nervous breakdown.

[nomorepanic]

Hi Womble

Welcome to the message forum. You will get loads of help and support here.

You are not going mad trust me and you are certainly not alone in this. Are you on any meds? Can you get out to get some form of counselling?

There are quite a few agoraphobics on here so I am sure you will get some great advice from them too.

You did the right thing to post and you will soon see what a caring community we have here, so please keep popping back to see us.

Nicola

[womble]

Thanks Nicola

I am way too scared to take any medications despite my GP telling me I need them. It just seems that after 16 years like this I cannot go any more. If I wasn't so afraid that death would be like one great big panic attack I am sure I would not be here any more. My daughter , partner and family keep me going but I am desperate now. I am supposed to be getting married at the end of the year but seeing s I have an obsession with keeping my car keys on me, I am not sure where I can stuff them wearing a wedding dress! I have aholiday booked, the first for many years, in AUgust. It's only 100 miles away but i Just don't know how I am going to get there. Tried counselling, many therapies but I really need some courage like in the WIzard of Oz. Anyone got an idea where you get that?

[imported_n/a]

hiya mate,,hey i know exactly where your comeing from i have had a degree of agraphobia for the last couple of years due to avoiding panic attacks,,and i am scared of most things,,i stopped drinking,,stopped dinking tea,coffee,stopped lots of things due to being scared{anxious},i also was telling myself yor gonna have a breakdown and got very very scared of that but now have somehow regained some confidence in myself to stop these thoughts, but still have agraphobia,,i have been on the site now for 2 weeks and has helped me so much,hope ,we can do the same for you ,,welcome,,xxdarrenxx,

[womble]

Thanks Darren - I thought i was a bit extra crazy. I cannot drink alcohol, tea or coffee, cannot be without my car at all. So much co that if my car needs work I have to hire a second car. Agorophobia is costing me a small fortune. I could have paid off Africa's third world debt with all the money I have spent on various therapy. Do I just have to go out and face it - God forbid. Could still do with that shor of courage though.

Thanks Darren - you are very kind

[april tones]

hi womble, i have post natal deppression and struggled for six months untill i couldnt cope any more and was crying for help. I too was scared of taking meds and alot of other stuff like chicken etc. I went to docs and explained every thing and ended up taking meds as i wanted to feel better, i was glad i did as i feel im getting my life back, i feel happier, not tearful all the time or anxious, i know meds are not the answer all the time but some times i think you need them as its chemical imbalance in brain and it wont get better without meds, thats my opinion any way, im glad i took them in the end, take care, love april

apriltones

[stimpy]

Hi Womble - to quote one of my famous poems ..


quote:I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know I look fine and you can't tell
Stay awhile and then you'll see
A person who really isn’t me
I'm not crazy, I'm just a little scared
I just wish that someone cared.
All I can do is think of me
and how I used to be.


You are not the only person who fears being locked away because they are having a nervous breakdown. - Because I feel like that too and the truth is, so has everyone on this forum at one time or another.

Courage comes from within, somewhere.
Where that somewhere is, I am not sure.
I think it is something we learn, little steps at a time.
Medication is not the be all and end all, but it can help.

After a bad reaction from my first batch of medication, I was terrified to take anymore. So I was given medication I had used for 7 years with no problems at all. But because of the batch of new meds, just the thought of taking any meds at all was freaking me out and it took a lot of inner courage for me to take my meds.

Just remember you are not alone.



Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

[womble]

Thank you all so much - it is a big relief to know that i am not alone in feeling like this. I just cannot take any meds though. I have started taking St Johns Wort though and don't seem to have any side effects so I shall stick with this and see. I am also seeing a hypnotherapist - again. It just seems like sometimes I should give up and just accept the way I am. Accept I will never go anywhere or do anything with my life. You all sound so brave and willing to try to keep pushing but I have no energy left anymore.

How do you motivate yourself to push further and attempt to face the fear of panic?

[uryjm]

Womble
Sorry you're feeling so bad. Originally I wrote a big reply to you, offering loads of solutions (typical male!) but in the end the solution lies within ourselves - and I know it's a struggle to find it! So I'd just like to reassure you that your feelings of imminent breakdown are really, really common for us anxiety sufferers and I don't think any of us have been driven to this despite the fear we will be (and I'd also like to bet that we've all thought "Well, maybe I'll be the first to have a panic attack and breakdown", too!) One thing I'd like to say is that when you do reach what you feel is the bottom, that you really can't go on, that this is the point where you'll turn 'round and start finding the solutions that will work for you. As you say, what's the alternative? Accept that you will never go anywhere and do anything with your life? I don't think you're the kind of person willing to settle for that - none of us on this forum are. So good luck and keep posting.

Jim

[womble]

Jim - you don't know how much that meant to me. Maybe the only way is up after all. I do feel like something drastic is going to happen but maybe instead of feeling like it is a bad thing maybe I should try and see it as a positive one and that the change could be good.

Why is is so hard ot feel positive though - I have been like this of more of my life than not and it seems like to be scared has become part of my personality. I remember running round parks and walking to school and getting lost put playing and I never ever felt scared. Now I am obsessed with every detail of my health - constantly monitoring whether I am feeling dizzy or not ( this is my main symptom fear).

Have you all felt this way? Thanks so much for your kind replies. I know if I can get over this then anyone can. Oftentimes I wonder whether I was put on this earth to learn this lesson and give hope to others. Other times I think I must haver been an evil old cow who turned every one into donkeys in a previous life or something to come back like this!

Keep smiling everyone

[benoo5]

hello,my friend....you have suffered so long,that we really do think,that life is just..a bitch..youve had great support here,but after,all this time,your not going to get better overnight,ive always promoted..little steps..its my way of saying,lets do it,one step at a time.....agoraphobia is a very complex state,we have to learn to be agoraphobic over a period of time,so obviously unlearning it,is not going to be easy....correct medication,combined with cognitive behaviour therapy,is the real answer to this,but sometimes,the therapist asks too much of us,too soon,and so its important to get the right therapist.

my advice would be to get the help of a friend,or family member,whom you really trust,and take..little steps..week one,walk just walk to the end of the road...week two,walk an extra hundred yards...week three ,walk to the shops...week four,go into a shop!.....its great to have a car,but its a crutch....when your broken leg is getting better,you cant wait to throw,that crutch away....thats how,i want you to feel about agoraphobia,but with ..little steps..

its a tough journey,but love,can overcome anything........bryan.

[Gloominati]

I am new here and reading all these stories has brought tears to my eyes. I always felt that I was an odd one out in the world of people getting on with their lives but now I see I'm not alone, there are other people like me who have similar problems.

I'm battling my anxiety as I write this, I've been finding it very hard to eat recently for fear of being sick and I try to reason with myself that I am safe and I will be fine but I find it very hard.

I have chronic fatigue syndrome as well as suffering from panic/anxiety. I also used to be a self harmer which thankfully I've conquered. I've always been shy and nervy ever since I was little, at 19 I just want to be able to move on.

I will be trying hypnotherapy and acupunture soon, any other recommendations? I want to stay clear of medication. I'll try any herbal things and the like just not medication.

[nomorepanic]

Womble - you can get better but I am afraid to say that it is hard work and takes a lot of effort on your part. But don't give in ok - there are people here who will support you every step of the way.

Shirley - have you taken a look at the Natural Remedies page on the website - www.nomorepanic.co.uk/remedies.htm Rescue Remedy is excellent and takes the edge of the panic and it is not a drug either.

Nicola

[Meg]

Hi Womble,

It's feels so awful and volatile doesn't it , that you feel that at any moment it will all blow up like a volcano and you must explode with it -leaving your nervous system in shreds and you a writhing mess having screaming habdabs.
It doesn't happen that way though....
That wave passes , time passes and it all builds again and you don't go mad next time either...in fact noone goes mad and locked up - we get overwhelmed, we get out of our depth but we still manage to smile and get on with our lives even though we can apply restrictions on ourselves.

The disease process of anxiety and madness are completely different and they do not inter connect. What you are feeling is a huge build up of tension, emotion and fear.

Welcome - Do read the website pages and continue to ask questions.







Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[womble]

HI everyone - you are all angels.

I have decided that I have to try once more to live again thanks to you all. I do not quite understand how reading meassages can help but it has!

My first goal is to able to take my daughter to the orthodontist - it's about 30 miles away and currently I can only travel about three. The appointment is in 4 weeks.

I have read that many books on the subject though that I am not sure how it approach it as there is conflicting advice. Bourne says retreat if you panic and I am not sure how that helps and others say stick with the panic and wait for it to pass. Should I be alone or with my partner? Should I take my rescue remedy or is that a safety crutch? Should I practice deep breathing on the journey or is that avoiding or not accepting the panic. So many questions and 4 weeks to go.

After that I have a holiday booked in South Devon - I live in West Somerset but it is still a very long journey for me. After that I have my wedding to arrange and that seems completely impossible even though the venue is only 20 mins away I don't think I can cope with everyone looking at me - what if I panic?

A therapist ( I have seen many) once told me a story about Winnie the Pooh asking Piglet about the sky falling in - apparently he kept asking "What if the sky falls down" over and over and Piglet says "What if it doesn't?" Bloomin what ifs!!!

Anyway - thanks again all - Any suggestions welcome - my daughter really does need those teeth sorting!

[stimpy]

Personally I practice my breathing all the time, even when I am not panicing, I find it helps to practice so that it doesn't feel odd when you just do it.

If you feel more comfortable being with a partner, rather than on your own, that is fine too. Once you build up your confidence then try it on your own.

Retreat or wait for it to pass - well that is something only you can decide.
Each situation is different. Sometimes it will pass and sometimes the only way to get out of it is to run away. Do what your body tells you to do.

If rescue remedy is a crutch, then I must have the whole hospital !
I have a bag filled with stuff. Every medication I can think of right down to a radio and colouring book, to keep my brain busy. Once you gain your confidence then you find that you need these things less and less and are able to leave them at home.

There is no wrong answer, work at your own speed and do what feels comfortable for you. It's all very well these experts saying do this, do that, but they aren't you and only you know how you feel.

Three miles is an excellent start, nothing to be ashamed of there.
Would the trip to the dentist be easier if someone came with you?
Could someone give you a lift there and back so you don't have to worry about driving or getting the bus?

Take things at your own speed and do what you can when you can.


Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

[Meg]

Dear Deb,

Have you read 'First Steps' in the welcome section of this forum ?

I am very pleased that you're going to have a bash at conquering this panic and anxiety again.

It's so hard when you read/get conflicting advice and suddenly everyone is an expert ...

It's so true that there is not one recovery menu suited to all but you need to sift through everything you read and see what feels most comfortable for you to try and in your own time.


There are certain 'recovery rules' though..

Avoidance does not ever lead to full recovery
You do need to ensure nutritionally you are strong.
You will need plenty of sleep.
You will need to perservere.
You will need to accept that recovery is not an overnight event.

Taking a couple of your queries...

In the initial recovery-
If you do get panicky it's most beneficial to agree with yourself to stay in situ for 2 mins and then if that's ok , then stay for another 5 mins and slowly build up.

You know you CAN leave at any point but it's that internal bartering that breaks down the fear barriers eventually .

A challenge such as you've set yourself is hard initially as it involves another persons expectations as well as your own. In this case, I think it's fine to have your partner around as your daughter needs to get there and if you're struggling you may make yourself worse by adding on that pressure of an appointment.

Initially, you might want to set yourself tasks which do not affect anyone else but yourself, so it's less pressure.

Crutches - initially I think they're absolutely fine. Eventually you'll forget about them or can wean yourself off them when they are really superfluous.

Be completely familar with the breathing and if you feel tingly or dizzy or just that it grounds you, then use it.

Do something everyday to contribute to your recovery. If you manage 4 miles then do 4 miles for a few days until it feels fine - don't race ahead and then be suprised and dissapointed when you get overwhelmed one day. The more thorough you are, the more sustainable it is.

Find yourself a few positive affirmations and use them ad nauseum until you believe what you're saying.

Use a journal - use it to benchmark your achievements

Good luck




Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

[HB]

oh gosh, i read what you were saying and it must be horrible but remember that the world isnt always bad and there are people out there to help (loads on here!!). Good luck with everything in your life, hope you get this thing sorted before it beats you- dont let it!!
Take care wont you? H xxx

H

[fairyfloss]

hi stimpy
have just been browsing the messages and came across yours,i just have to reply as i am terrified of meds" my anxiety got to such a state that i thought i was going insane and i was terrified of the thing what was probably going to make me better{tablets} i honestly thought i was the only person with thoughts like that.am getting there slowly but its a long haul! I am new member x

[lonely leanne]

Hello im not sure if this is on the right page probably not, but i do think im starting to lose it! i haev been suffering from depressiona dn anxiety for years the last year being the worst ever. i was prescibed citoloropam which i reacted to very badly. i stopped taking this and since i have stopped taking this i have been completely obsesed that my boyfriend is going to realise im mad and leave me. he works nights as is a flight attendant and i sit up waiting for him no matter if that means i have only ahd an hours sleep before work.
and one thing which i am a little embarassed to admit but this is why i think im finally loosing my mind is im obsessed with getting pregnant, everyone around me is having children and now i cant think about anything else, even researching on the internet.

What is wrong with me please help!!!