Starting Work With Social Anxiety

[brambles]

Hi everyone

I finished college in June with good grades, and decided against going to university for the time being because of my SA, so employment is the other option.

I have ideas of becoming self-employed, but for various reasons that plan is practically quashed if I'm unable to salvage it, so my only alternative is working for someone else. But I'm frightened of working for an employer because I have acute social anxiety and no social skills, but it looks like that's my only option.

It doesn't help that my family are pressuring me to work, but it's like telling someone with acrophobia to become a flight attendant! I've only told my mum about this because my sister and father will not understand, and frankly push me harder as they'll think it's a lame excuse and I'm just reluctant to work.

What can I do?

Thanks,

[Lion King]

I can totally relate, SA has held me back from pushing myself all my life, I packed in college at 17 due to it and I always regretted the decision. I didn't recognise that I had any form of mental illness at the time, I just saw this as who I was.

Years later, using the same avoidance techniques backfired and left me suffering even worse.

I give alot of credit to you, you have recognised at an early age that you suffer from SAD, this is the first step to taking the appropriate action to get yourself better. Have you seen your doctor about this yet? are you on any kind of medication?

CBT for me was fantastic for dealing with SAD & GAD, so if you do see your doctor if not already insist that you have CBT.

With your family, be honest with them, I'm sure they care more about your wellbeing than any job, at least if you get there support then that is one less thing to be worried about.

I wish you all the best!

LK:)

[brambles]

Hi LK

I too knew something was wrong for years but naively believed that it was just who I was. It's only been a couple of years since I first stumbled upon a wikipedia article about anxiety and that's when it all clicked.

To be honest, my sister would delight in provoking me if she knew about any of this, and my father simply wouldn't understand so there's no point in telling them. I also haven't seen a doctor and I'm not on any medication, but I believe that this is something which I have to conquer myself. I copied out strategies and charts from a self-help CBT guide, but until I'm trying to integrate with society again they're pretty useless.

Thanks,

[Lion King]

It is hard work, I read a book called CBT for Dummies and took St John's Wort. It all helped a little but in the end I had a job which required me to be strong but at the same time I was becoming over self conscious about the way I was perceived, and when my anxiety and nerves started I was further self conscious thinking that people would see that I am weak, a very bad spiral. At home I had no rest, my wife was really bad with her anxiety and my baby boy was very demanding at night time, so all this pressure and no good sleep just ended up in me crashing and having a nervous breakdown. I became an agaraphobic, I went on the sick for 5 months to recover, after 5 months I was 60% better, but the final leg was to tackle social situations and that meant going back to work, this was all part of my therapy, I was testing myself out. I got better over time, I even got a bit cocky with it but the feeling of being free from SA was the best thing I had ever felt as I had suffered for so long, I felt like I could stand up on stage and give presentations and give talks I just wanted to show off.

SA can be so debiltating (a word I haven't used for a long time), I would advise going to the gp, sometimes just talking to someone neutral is the biggest help, when you're thinking cloudy, they can see beyond that and help you put your issues into perspective. A CBT therapist helped me with this, believe me I could have hugged her in the end she was that good!

I wish you all the best, keep coming on here I have had lots of really helpful advice on here and sometimes it feels comforting and reassuring that you are not on your own.

LK:)

[brambles]

Well I've bitten the bullet and applied for a part time courier job in my local area delivering parcels for Yodel. I phoned up the agency and should hear back within 4 weeks if they're interested.

I'm determined to fight this because it's pathetic; panicking at the mere thought of asking a shop assistant a question or phoning the bank.

At least it's a start. I'll report back if I hear anything. I just hope my current confidence lasts! :scared15:


Thanks for your encouragement,

Mark

[Lion King]

Thats it Mark, be brave and don't be too harsh on yourself if you do get anxious.

When I first dealt with my social anx, this was when I was getting better I would self check to see how my body reacted when I got into anx provoking situations, My signals would be to tense up my shoulders and shorten my breath so that I would end up talking in a higher pitch, this made me self conscious and increased the anxiety originally. I learned relaxation techniques, when I tense up I would make a conscious effort to relax my breathing and drop my shoulders whilst ineteracting, this tookm time to conquer but with practice and not avoiding challenging myself it all became automatic and my confidence built from there.

Keep Strong I know its tough!

LK

[brambles]

Hi LK

When I'm anxious I talk very quickly and quietly so it all comes out as an inaudible jumble of words. I try to slow down and think what I'm about to say but sometimes I'm too anxious to think logically. This makes me more self conscious as I'm focussing on how pathetic I'm acting and eventually I'm unable to speak altogether because by that point I've turned into a red-faced sweaty mess and my head is somewhere else entirely. Fun init!

[brambles]

I don't know to be totally honest. I've never really been interested in going to university, but things might have been different if I didn't have this damn SA.

I actually did apply this year to study mechanical engineering and was accepted but decided against it, partly due to the course being rather tedious (it's practically a repeat of everything I did in college), but mainly because of my anxiety and not wanting to put myself through another three years of hell.

Then again, if I wasn't anxious and depressed would I have been less dissatisfied with the course and more willing to give it a go?

[Lion King]

Sometimes when you are waiting for things to happen they never do, by taking action this is when you do see change. When I was feeling better I went back to study for an HND and I must admit I suffered to start with but got better as I felt more comfortable, it is always the fear of the unknown.

When I talk to people I lose concentration of what I am saying as I am sometimes caught up thinking about how they think about me, problem gets worse as I veer off track I start to think I am crap at talking and maybe they think I am talking b*ll***s. This a typical example of what my anxiety has been like, My learning point is that when I am talking I am not waiting for a response and I don't listen properly, I assume I know the rest of what they are talking about so that this prepares me with an answer, this is my attempt at trying to be one step ahead of my anxiety. The best thing is to sit back and listen and take your time with your speech & response. I don't know how much this relates to yourself but I thought any advice is better than none.

LK

[brambles]

I do exactly that LK. Also if someone questions something I say I start thinking that I look like a fool for not speaking clearly enough, then loose concentration as I feel more anxious. Then I start babbling.

[brambles]

Hi Emma

I've never considered the Open University, but will look into it.

As an update: still no news re job application :sad:

[brambles]

To be honest, I haven't applied for any more jobs because they all involve working with people, which I can't do yet. The one I applied for was ideal as it would enable me to fix myself in my own time, not jumping in at the deep end and possibly doing more harm than good.

:curse: anxiety