Partners ...... how can we help them to understand

[janie]

Hi everyone

Can anyone give any advice about how to explain anxiety to our partners and family. My poor husband is lost - I can see at times he is really trying so hard to understand but finding it sooo difficult. He just wants his old janie back - doesn't understand what happened and why??

Yes I had a bad year last year but everything is good in my life now so why??? He tries various different tacks, softly softly, hard as nails, indifferent - i really don't think he knows where to turn. And if he asks me what he can do to help ......... I don't know! How pathetic and stupid is that?

I am trying and believe I am getting a handle on anxiety (Claire Weekes helps tremendously) but sometimes feel very alone because it is difficult for others to understand. Any help guys??? xxxx

[reddevil]

Hi,

I'm in the same situation as you.
My wife has put up with this anxiety for approx 4 years and just keeps saying snap out of it, which I'm sure you would understand is very hard to do.

It was the other day, my wife noticed me talking to a lady, who was from my anxiety course last year. My wife got talking to her and was suprised as she looked normal like me and you but the stories she was telling reminded her so much of me.

It helped a little, i bet it sounds daft...!

I always try and take my wife to the doctors with me as well, just so she can see that I'm trying so hard for her.

Tony

[Daisybun]

It is difficult for partners to understand, unless someone has been through it they really have no idea they can only sympathise and not empathise. My hubby is trying hard but it is so difficult for him and me to try and explain how I feel

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'

[jackie]

truthfully janie i think it a wasted exercise if they have not experienced it themselves. i think it is enuf that they not be critical, that they stick by you and dont be too harsh or ridicule you. it sounds as though your hubby is trying hard as mine does, but i think the best thing my hubby has done for me is not be judgemental or if i panic and run to gps or casualty he does not try to belittle my fulishness, he just says go love ill see you when you get back. go get the reassurance you need

but i think to really get it you have to go througfh it, and i know none of us would wish this on our lovesd ones

jackie

[janie]

Yes I think you are right - the best loved ones can do for you is to be non-judgmental and loving. The worst things are the flippant, glib remarks - recently when I came back from CBT i got "so are you cured now???" oh I wish!!!!

I think all close family and friends wish there was an instant cure - but not as much as us eh?? Thanks all xxxx

[eeyorelover]

Well I tried to explain to my husband how anxiety feels and I get that look - you know that one - like he's really close to putting me in a padded room!
Then last year I came on here and I made him look around with me. I'd say 'see she feels the same way I do - I'm not crazy and it's not just me'
As he read posts I could see that he had a greater appreciation for what I was going thru!! It really has helped. Altho my panic is few and far between these days - if I am having an off day, he is so much more supportive and it really does help.
So maybe it would help to bring him on here or if you want this site to be just for you (a safe haven) you can take him to any site about anxiety/panic and show him that there are tons of people who have the same feelings and share the same struggles as you do!!!
Hope it helps :)

Sandy
(eeyorelover)

You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself. "I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along."

- Elenor Roosevelt

[Phill2]

My wife in that I am almost back to normal (still no sex drive) but she still thinks I'm the wreck I was before.
She makes decisions on how I used to be - not how I am now
Bugger!!!!!
Phill

Don't believe everything you think.

[Phill2]

That prebious post should have read "my wife annoys me"

Don't believe everything you think.

[Jenny]

How do you feel when your partner/husband/wife goes out anywhere?
I am fine when my husband goes to work or has the odd round of golf, but sometimes when he goes I feel lost and abandoned. He always takes the phone with him so I can get in touch if I have to, and I never have yet. It is just for piece of mind. My daughter is flying to America tomorrow and now I am beginning to think about her. I know she will be fine, but this thought comes into my head 'What if I need her' sounds stupid I know. She is taking ther phone so I can text/phone her, and she will ring me from the hotel. All this is going round in my head to-day.

Jenny xxxx

[janie]

yeah I feel a little apprehensive when everyone leaves the house. My husband is a plumber so he works locally and can bob in every now and again for a brew. Kids come home from school at 3.30 so just try and fill in the hours in between with work (i work from home) and other bits and pieces. I know what you mean - I don't necessarily need anyone to talk to, just knowing somebody is about is a comfort - just in case I need that emergency medical care - the same emergency medical care that I have not needed for the past two months and probably will never need!!!

The way I figure it is that if any of my family needed me I would be there for them, it's the same for me whilst I'm going through this. Keep smiling everyone xxxx