rosa_j_t
13-12-11, 13:40
Yesterday my housemates and I had a Christmas dinner together. This sort of situation is exactly the sort of situation I find hardest. The only way it could be worse is if I didn't know/like the people I was with. But my friends are wonderful, and very understanding about anxiety, and I really wanted to eat with them.
Anyway, I was feeling a bit anxious in anticipation (and hunger), but really didn't think I was going to panic. I thought I'd be fine once I had a bit to eat.
We'd just started eating when I started to panic. It came on so suddenly. But interestingly, alongside the 'Oh no, I have to leave, I can't do it' thoughts, were also things like, 'I don't need to leave, it'll pass on its own'.
I remembered to relax my shoulders a bit.
I ate one bite at a time.
I took sips of water.
I noticed my feet planted firmly on the solid, reliable ground.
I followed the conversation.
I laughed at their jokes (OK, so that was harder, but I definitely smiled!)
And it did pass. Sort of. It certainly faded a lot. And I ended up staying with them all evening playing board games. I didn't fully relax the whole time, but I wasn't panicky.
And today? Well today I'm feeling pretty anxious. If I'm honest, I'm worried it'll happen again. The peak was lower than it has sometimes been, so I don't completely feel like I've 'been through the worst'. But I think it was lower because I didn't react to it in my usual way, and because my thoughts were firmly in the present moment. In fact, later in the evening my thoughts strayed to the future, and what having this panic attack might mean etc, and that didn't help.
I also talked to one of my housemates about it, and she was surprised, she hadn't noticed anything was wrong at the time. But now, I'm sort of wishing I hadn't mentioned it. I don't want her and the others to be watching for signs now. Oh well it's too late now.
Anyway, I was feeling a bit anxious in anticipation (and hunger), but really didn't think I was going to panic. I thought I'd be fine once I had a bit to eat.
We'd just started eating when I started to panic. It came on so suddenly. But interestingly, alongside the 'Oh no, I have to leave, I can't do it' thoughts, were also things like, 'I don't need to leave, it'll pass on its own'.
I remembered to relax my shoulders a bit.
I ate one bite at a time.
I took sips of water.
I noticed my feet planted firmly on the solid, reliable ground.
I followed the conversation.
I laughed at their jokes (OK, so that was harder, but I definitely smiled!)
And it did pass. Sort of. It certainly faded a lot. And I ended up staying with them all evening playing board games. I didn't fully relax the whole time, but I wasn't panicky.
And today? Well today I'm feeling pretty anxious. If I'm honest, I'm worried it'll happen again. The peak was lower than it has sometimes been, so I don't completely feel like I've 'been through the worst'. But I think it was lower because I didn't react to it in my usual way, and because my thoughts were firmly in the present moment. In fact, later in the evening my thoughts strayed to the future, and what having this panic attack might mean etc, and that didn't help.
I also talked to one of my housemates about it, and she was surprised, she hadn't noticed anything was wrong at the time. But now, I'm sort of wishing I hadn't mentioned it. I don't want her and the others to be watching for signs now. Oh well it's too late now.