Family inquiries

[medtrans1067]

Does anyone else find it weird that my family does not call me to see how I am doing? They are aware that I am having another bout with anxiety, but they never call to check in on me. Could it be that they are thinking that if I don't call that everything is okay? or perhaps they don't want to call and aggravate it my asking? I just find the whole thing very odd. Any comments?

[Carys]

I think there are a few possibilities, from my perspective ---

1. People just don't know what to say, rather like when someone dies, there are some people who avoid the bereaved. They would rather say nothing than say the 'wrong thing', they are scared to become involved in a conversation/behaviour where they feel out of their depth. Burying their heads in sand is easier for them !

2. They are somewhat uneducated about mental health problems and think that by giving you attention it is wrong, after all you could 'pull yourself together' if nobody says anything and gives you attention !

3. People think you may not want to talk about it, either because it could make the anxiety worse or because they want to give you privacy.

4. Talking about mental health is still taboo, don't talk about it and therefore it doesn't exist.

5. They are scared by mental health problems themselves; by acknowledging it and discussing it it makes people fearful for themselves.

Only you know your family and the possible reasons they may have, but I don't think it is that unusual for those with mental health problems to be ignored (rather than supported) by their families, sadly.

Take Care

[willigetwiser]

I am sorry to agree with list above and even when they might call the last thing they will ask is how are you and in my case this is an inteligent lot who have all suffered with mental illness to soe degree. Stangely the one who has himself suffered the most asks teh least. When I asked him about this he said specifically had been told by his therapist not to aask people how they are becaus ethis will invite problems he cannot deal with. Given this and having supported him when he was at his worst there are a nuber of things I have learned fro this:
1) when I helped him I think I was trying to help myself as well - not a good idea because very often after talking to him on the phone for an hour I would be laid low for days; he has had advice as I said and while still in recovery, he has been told not to go where I did.
2) sometimes family are too close to help and sometimes to be honest, I do not want to speak and so I can be hostile to them assuming they will allow e to do that and still come back for more but when they have family of there own and other partners the other partner will, to protect my family member tell the not to take it on but rather look after their own children etc - this is good advice
There are other issues and I could ramble on but be aware there are people on here (this site) who will help unconditionally
Also, look for professional help if possible as I appreciate medical costs are different in USA
Take care

[medtrans1067]

I appreciate your response. However, my mother and brother both have anxiety, so they know better than those without anxiety how it feels. I guess they just figure if I needed something I would call, and to tell you the truth, in the past when I was anxious I would call them a lot (which I no longer do). Perhaps by not contacting me it is there way of making me deal with it myself (tough love), but it would be nice to know that someone is concerned and thinking about me. Just a call asking how I am doing and having other conversation would be nice.

[Carys]

I am sure they are concerned and thinking about you ! Maybe, as someone else said above, they are worried that your anxiety may start theirs off again ?