View Full Version : Blip, support needed! :)
Hi all, I am still going through a really tough blip that I'd like to get some comfort and reassurance for. I am not on citalopram any more, and although my blip was caused by me getting overtired and overstressed rather than because of the meds, it is tempting to go back on the cit. On the other hand, if it's at all possible to get through this blip without it then that's ideal!
I'm trying to support and encourage myself but i've got to admit i find my anxiety so terrifying I get almost out of control sometimes. I know that in order to get over this I must face it and endure it, but the anxiety is in my face 95% of the time.
This is my first blip for months. I have bad memories of the last time I felt like this and it took weeks of medication, therapy and self-help to get better, though being positive I am vastly more experienced now.
There are a few issues I am facing but the most important one is my new girlfriend. I feel anxious whenever I think of her, maybe because I have to do normal, everyday things when I'm with her, but I don't feel normal! Also I am scared that I will drive her away as she used to suffer badly with depression and I am wary of triggering her.
This is only day 6 of trying to reassure myself, it's very up and down, it's very hard to see myself getting back to normal (only 2 weeks ago I was totally happy). I guess I just need people to tell me it's gonna be okay, so I can get on with the painful business of recovery without these unpleasant distracting thoughts!
I am so sorry to hear that you are blipping, it sucks thats for sure.
Personally I feel so much more in control of my life since being on meds but I do appreciate that we are all different.
From reading previous posts from you I get the feeling that you have a very clear handle on what works for you and you are right to stick by this.
However I would like to say that in my experience you cannot base your expectations of how you will react to this blip on the back of what happened last time.
I have found each blip to be slightly different. The one constant thing is my need for re-assurance and support from my friends.
Wish I could offer some advice on the girlfriend front but you are ahead of me there thats for sure in managing a relationship at all.
Again, personally, I find concentrating in getting better and having a "goal" is actually detremental, instead I find that if I just accept that I am feeling rough but at the same time know that it is a short term thing it passes easier and quicker.
Good luck and you will get there. You are a strong person and I bet that there is no way on earth you will be beaten by this.
Wishing you all the best
Elen
medtrans1067
15-12-11, 13:28
I agree with Elen. I too have blips and every time I think about the past blips that I have had get scared of that happening again. I just keep telling myself that I will be okay and "this too will pass". And so far, with the help of God and my inner strength, I have been able to pull through. You CAN DO THIS!!! Just have faith that what you have learned though the years will get you through. And by all means, getting reassurance from friends is always a good tool to use. We all need reassurrance at times in our lives. You are doing a great job!! Keep up the good work!
Thanks everyone. I spoke to Anxiety UK this lunchtime and their opinion was that its not so much I'm trapped in anxiety, or having trouble accepting it; rather, I am actually afraid to let it go. This is a nice twist, and while I vaguely recall thinking that months or years ago, I suppose it might be fear of what happens if I do let go. Anxiety has been a companion on life's journey and has always been there. The thought of not having it seems strange and empty - but as anyone who's ever lived free of anxiety for a time (as I was until recently) will know, the absence of anxiety is not more fear - it's bliss!
nicola1980
15-12-11, 15:23
Hi so sorry your having a rough time :hugs: these blips really suck :mad: you've helped so many of us on our journey and you know there is a light at the end of the tunnel and in time u will get thro this, be kind to yourself and do whatever u need too to get u through this blip, sending lots of love and :hugs: xx
willigetwiser
15-12-11, 15:23
First of all thanks for help you have provided for me in a short period of time. Your Cit Guide is excellent. You have suported many people I am sure and so you have support from a considerable number here and now.
Re relationships - clearly a big cause for concern and anxiety. First one is look after yourself. As they say when you fly, if an air mask is nescessary put your's on first or you will be in no condition tohelp anyone else. Therefore, without being selfish, you do best to be concerned about yourself and then help you new girlfriend. Also accept you are not telepathic and you cannot get everything right.
Be it work, relationships what ever, I know I very often, for the fear of being wrong (or not perfect) will do nothing at all.
You are changing meds (stopping) starting a new relationship and no doubt dealing with other things as well so go easy on yourself.
Take care
Could'nt agree more, you can do it !!!
You have given so much support here. sending you hugs and the very best of luck. :hugs:
theharvestmouse
15-12-11, 18:37
don't think of it as a blip in the old sense of the word, you have already beaten anxiety and so you just need to finish it off now for good. If it means going back on meds to do it then so be it but only you know if you think thats the way.
good luck!
Maybe you are just stressed and overtired, as you say. When I recovered from anxiety it was hard to identify what was 'normal' emotions and feelings and what wasn't. You are in a new relationship and there will be new feelings, this is to be expected. Just go with it and see it as a normal fluctuation in your mood and feelings rather than a blip. Everyone feels edgy or moody sometimes.
Glad to hear that you have found a new lady.
xx
Hi, thank you for the continued support. The blip started because of stress and tiredness but my response was basically to go to pieces. Today has been a decent day compared to the last week and I have thankfully had some peace from intrusive thoughts.
Intrusive thoughts and obsession with the anxiety have always been major symptoms for me. It got to the point where my brain felt bruised and raw, and each new negative thought was like pressing on the raw bruise. I'm pretty sure a lot of you know how that feels.
The feelings about my gf may be because I am feeling like I need to be normal in front of her all day. I haven't known her that long, she's suffered from depression in the past and I feel added pressure not to trigger her or scare her away. I guess this blip has forced me to re-think a few things, and I feel like a new person who needs to get to know her over again. Does this make sense?
Edit: although today hasn't been perfect, it's provided a much-needed respite which has allowed me to get some perspective and come to some interesting conclusions, mainly the reason the anxiety is still in town: because I can't let it go, not because it has some fearful hold over me, but because it's a part of me and in some twisted way, I need it.
macc noodle
16-12-11, 07:14
Strange isn't it - because just when we feel in control of the anx - bang - it comes right back and bites us on the bum!
I, too, am feeling bad this week and fighting my bodily sensations like fury (and suffering from HA it is a constant battle of the "what if this is real" scenario........)
But, I am hanging on to the knowledge that I can and I will get over this and using all my strategies to try and contain it - like I can see you are doing also :hugs:
It will pass I am sure - don't know about you but I am always more inclined towards anx and panic thru the winter months......
Good luck psycho-poet - hope you continue on the up and your insight and experience sees you through this without meds if that is your choice.
BTW, despite having had the worst 2+ years of anx and panic in my life, I never felt able to add taking meds to my woes and worries and so battled through without - I do sometimes wish that I had been brave enough to give them a go but have survived without so who knows.................. You have seen both sides of the coin and will know by instinct what is right for you.
Macc Noodle
xxxx
PsychoPoet, I'm relatively new here but have read many of your posts and from what I've read, your strenght is YOUR STRENGTH, and your determination.
I understand what you say about it being hard to let go of anxiety when it's been a part of your life for so long. Sometimes we know what we have to do to get through a morning, and thus we use the same technique most mornings, but then one day, it doesn't seem to be as effective. I still don't fully understand what triggers my anxiety (those which aren't a SE of being back on seroxat), because until a few weeks ago when I found NMP I always thought I just suffered purely with depression (which I now realise I do, but only if I leave the anxiety untreated). I've got so much learning ahead of me.
My husband posed me a series of silly question this morning;
1) How do you get a giraffe in the fridge?
2) How do you get an elephant in the fridge?
3) The King of the Jungle is having a party and everyone has been invited, but who's missing?
Most adults would overthink the answers because that's what we're conditioned to do throughout our lives, we're taught to think outside the box. Most children will get the answers right and go with the simplest solution so here are the answers;
1) Open the door
2) Let the giraffe out
3) The elephant, he's still in the fridge.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm getting at, but sometimes the answers are as simple as opening the door, and not trying to chop it's lets off or asking how big the fridge is or how small the giraffe is. And you can't make room for the elephant if you've still got a giraffe taking up all the room.
Open the door, let the giraffe (anxiety) out and elephant (your "normal" self) will be able to fit - but don't forget to let him go to the party.
Wow everyone, thank you, some epic replies here!
Im on my phone at the moment so can't type a long reply, but I have decided to switch from counselling to CBT. There is a No Panic self-help group meeting regularly in Sheffield and I intend to visit them next Wednesday.
Despite waking feeling nervous about spending today with my GF I am looking forward to seeing her and i'm confident I am taking the right course. I must easily have had 30+ counselling sessions at 20 quid a pop but for the last 6 sessions or more im increasingly convinced the counselling cannot take me any further.
Also I will have to travel for the CBT therapy and support group meetings and I think this will help me in the long run by getting me used to going out on my own.
Good for you, any step forward is a step in the right direction. Our elephants WILL get to the party :)
Hi Lauz Lea, thank you, the elephant did in fact manage to go to the party today. I was very late leaving the house due to my usual annoying habit of putting things off, so my girlfriend was not happy at all that I arrived over half an hour late. I was beating myself up all the way there (an hour's drive) and generally not feeling too good.
However, despite my nerves through some of the day and the touchy start, I had a really good time and was sad to leave my girlfriend. Bear in mind that just 3 days ago, even the thought of her made me feel stricken with anxiety. I met her family today too so it wasn't easy, but I have enjoyed it.
This morning I was upset, uncertain and anxious about my relationship and my prospects for recovery. I came away from today with our relationship stronger than ever and a new set of happy memories to render more of my fears obsolete.
How right Claire Weekes was when she said recovery lies in the things and places that we fear!
That's brilliant! It's natural to be fearful of situations like that, everyone gets nervous or slightly anxious, but for those of us suffering with anxiety and the related conditions that go hand in hand it's heightened beyond the norm.
I found out last night that my mum suffers too - she's never really mentioned it before and I certainly don't think she's ever been on meds (although I remember her saying she'd tried SJW once). It certainly explains a lot but I wish I'd known earlier in my life, I may have been able to address things sooner.
Have faith in your girlfriend. She probably has more understanding of what you're going through than you realise and will no dout be a great support to you.
Hi, thank you xx
I woke up feeling a bit anxious which is normal for me during this blip. I find that when I am with people, I pick up considerably after a short while.
I want to be able to look forward to Christmas, but am still consumed at times with the way I feel. In more lucid moments I relax slightly and the intrusive thoughts back off. However I feel basically naked in the face of the anxiety, which I guess has always been the real problem. I am hoping CBT will help me heal these gaps, and I admit that I am not massively hopeful since my view is still being tainted by the blip.
SNAP! To all the above.
At the moment, I've gone down hill because of being back on my AD's. It's increased my anxiety 100 fold, but I'm on week 4 now and although I've had up and down days, the worst of the SE's have gone, but I have very disconnected, ghostly moments, particularly in the morning, then I'm flat for a while, followed by being back to my normal self late afternoon/evening.
See, if so many of us go through the same thing day after day, you'd think it would get easier?
Yeah, you'd think wouldn't you. Sometimes though, just reading others posts and threads really helps cause you feel less alone and less as though it's all you talk about to your loved ones. But, likewise, I've found the opposite to be true, sometimes you can read something that throws a spanner in the works. I've have to try to stop myself reading threads with ominous titles just in case.
I find NMP a great resource and it gives me hope that I'll be through this soon. The members here are second to none, they can really help get you through a bad day.
I've started to perk up now and am on the verge of my usual afternoon/evening "normality", only trouble is, even though I've been on this AD twice before, I can't remember much about the first 4-6 weeks because I was so ill on previous occassions (I really couldn't have been any worse, I was at rock bottom), so what has been an awful side effect this time was already part of my existing condition last time (if that makes sense). I should really take strength from that, but it's sometimes hard to find strength in anything when you feel flat and disconnected, as I'm sure you already know.
Anyways, I'm being defeatist which isn't doesn't help anyone does it! I WILL open the door to let the giraffe out, I WILL let the elephant in, and I WILL get the elephant to the party - and so will you.
Hi! Thank you Lauz, I will PM you soon as I reckon we are on the same wavelength and would benefit from ganging up on the anxiety (nice to be the one who isn't outnumbered for a change!). There are lots of points you've raised that I want to answer.
Funny how we miraculously feel better in the evenings eh?
I have had a few unpleasant setbacks but am starting CBT today at 7pm. I just had my final counselling session which was emotional. I look forward to the days when my thoughts and behaviour are not dominated by anxiety.
Hi bab - hope the CBT goes well, I'll be starting some in the future on the waiting list anyway), not really sure what to expect and am a little fearful of it but I have to learn how to tackle this and recognise how I can prevent it in the future.
One things that always gives me strength and food for thought, are the number of celebrities that suffer similarly too (I'm not necessarily talking about Hollywood stars). People like Spike Milligan, Steven Fry, Anthony Hopkins, Einstein etc. So whenever I get really bad and start thinking "why me?", I always feel comforted that all the money and intelligence in the world doesn't make you untouchable. Even Einstein, with all his intelligence probably thought "why me?" too.
PM me anytime, but most mornings and evenings you'll find me in the chat room anyway.
Hi, I would like to say you have been my inspiration on this site, you are doing the best you can with every situation you find yourself in, I suffered intolerably for 20 years on the wrong medication, i was given citralopam a year and a half ago, i am not perfect but i am living tolerably with each pressure that rears up to greet me, my opinion is our bodies need the medication to keep our chemicals in balance, as we are all different and work to our own expectations mine are manageable, I send calmness and hope to you and wish you well.
If you need any help please pm me i will be here for you.
take care my friend.
Hi, thank you for your helpful replies. I have been really busy lately and haven't had time to do a writeup of my CBT session or properly reply to anyone.
The CBT was massively successful and achieved a number of things. It lasted 2 hours because we were both so into it and would have gone on longer except for my frantic girlfriend calling, thinking something terrible had happened!
I feel like a different person now I know what my core issues are. It's amazing how much is connected to health anxiety. In fact she said once we've dealth with the health anxiety, it might take quite a lot of other stuff with it.
I cried 4 times during the session. I've come through 3 very tough years and not cried that many times! Anyway, i'm back to strength after my first peaceful sleep in weeks and am very optimistic.
Thats great, I'm so pleased for you - you soon see the woods for the trees.
I got my letter to start mine today, just gotta ring them now.
theharvestmouse
22-12-11, 17:17
I'm over half way through my CBT and my therapist is great, I have learned a lot but I'm also experiencing a slight blip thats come out of nowhere.
I find I am very angry at the moment, and there was a wave of depression coming over me this afternoon. Don't think its setting in, at least I hope not, just going to try and carry on with my CBT homework and hope the blip goes.
---------- Post added at 17:17 ---------- Previous post was at 17:06 ----------
been an odd day, to have thoughts of suicide an yet thoughts of hope for the future seems weird but then anxiety is weird.
Hi everyone! Harvestmouse, sounds like the war between anxiety and recovery has really kicked off. The idea of making plans for the future is a major good sign.
Lauz, good luck with your cbt! Let us know how it goes.
There is a large link between my tiredness and my anxiety. One session of cbt has given me some perspective but obviously hasn't cured me. I haven't learned any new techniques yet. Howver the thetapist was totally convinced she can help me. She said that while my behaviour occasionally resembles something like bipolar, I don't have anything other than an anxiety disorder. It is supposedly because the part of me which should be able to deal with health anxiety never developed properly (in other words became "fragmented") and during our talk, the extent to which this has caused me probles seemed quite frightening.
Plenty of work to do, the anxiety still lingers, but that was only the intro session.
Good to hear you sounding more positive. Sometimes, having an understanding and insight is the breakthrough we need. I really wish I'd been diagnosed correctly years ago, it would have saved years of anxiety and meds, but I'm pointed in the right direction now, and hopefully so are you.
My CBT starts in February, so fingers crossed. I intend to learn as much as I can from the experience.
Keep us posted on how your CBT goes and have a wonderful Christmas.
Thanks, and if you need a heads-up on how it works, I haven't got a lot of experience yet but I can share what I learn. It might help you get better quicker by cutting down on the time you need your therapist to explain stuff, so you can get onto the exposure therapy which is supposed to be where the recovery really starts.
At the moment I am back in the "cycle of worry" where I feel nervous a lot of the time. When I think about it, it generally goes away, it's just a vague but troubling sensation like a tension headache. While that is familiar to anyone with anxiety, I am still afraid of the "what ifs", such as what if I become drpressed and need medical help, what if I become suicidal. I still have no idea how I am supposed to get past this part of the illness. All I know is, getting past the frightening thoughts eould be a massive step towards recovery.
theharvestmouse
26-12-11, 15:57
Its an ongoing battle with the anxiety but I am facing it head on. I am better when I just think about my recovery and how I am making progress. I also become very down when I think about what if this happens, like what if I have a massive blip and don't recover.
Think its just a case of trying to manage the anxiety and try not to worry about the future, because as we know sometimes as quick as a bad blip comes on it can sometimes go away.
One of the things I try to do is let the anxiety or Panic pass through me and always try to be in the moment.... But I'm hearing you guys big time! Some really good posts!
Please do keep us posted on the CBT, I'm not really sure what to expect but can't wait to get the ball rolling now.
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