View Full Version : I'm worried about my lifestyle
I am 23 but stressed alot, my diet isn't that varied and I don't sleep until 3am sometimes sleep on until 12pm or 10am if I'm working. I feel alot of stress going on in my life and I try and change it but for like 4 years nothing has gone my way..
I'm worried I will die before I'm 30 or something will this happen? :ohmy:
It might happen, it might not.
You could be the healthiest person in the world yet one day you walk out of your front door and get hit by a bus!
Life is so unpredictable that no one here can give you that reassurance, no one knows what will happened tomorrow.
What i can tell you is that statistically, you're more likely to live well into your old age! So, if it's any consolation, the numbers are in your favour!
I'm 22 and I'm a student, and i think i speak on behalf of all people our age when i say your lifestyle sounds very familiar! I think we're all guilty of this.
The difference is, if you want to help the anxiety you have to make a conscious effort to try and change some of these things! If you're really worried, then you need to make a change to help yourself instead of just worrying about it!
I know it's easier said that done, but you have to try and teach yourself to not worry about the things you can't control, all you can do is give yourself the best chance and try to enjoy each day you're given!
It might happen, it might not.
You could be the healthiest person in the world yet one day you walk out of your front door and get hit by a bus!
Life is so unpredictable that no one here can give you that reassurance, no one knows what will happened tomorrow.
What i can tell you is that statistically, you're more likely to live well into your old age! So, if it's any consolation, the numbers are in your favour!
I'm 22 and I'm a student, and i think i speak on behalf of all people our age when i say your lifestyle sounds very familiar! I think we're all guilty of this.
The difference is, if you want to help the anxiety you have to make a conscious effort to try and change some of these things! If you're really worried, then you need to make a change to help yourself instead of just worrying about it!
I know it's easier said that done, but you have to try and teach yourself to not worry about the things you can't control, all you can do is give yourself the best chance and try to enjoy each day you're given!
Yes it's an awkward age worse than being 18. There's so much pressure on settling down, finding your way in life. I had a job I liked at 18 and a girlfriend. I'm now single, in a job that's just a job and some friends I hardly see now.
As result I find myself slouching on the PC until 3am by habit and sometimes feel drained and knackered next day feel I'm gonna end up all aged and looking old either from stress or lack of sleep.
When my anxiety is bad I sit and dwell on it all day too. Basically before I felt fate took its course but I'm going through a phase feeling I can relate to nobody? Everybody just seems to be so funny these days. I just come home feeling depressed. Finding a girlfriend is hard so that's one issue I feel.
I don't know like is there an age or a time in someones life where it does fit into place again? Is it just an unlucky spell..can it last like 4 years? I just feel if my life was less stressful I could be a little less anxious. :blush: I'm fed up feeling getting older is all downhill.
I don't want to sound blunt Phil but i feel like I'm about to. Please understand this comes from a good place that cares;
If you sit around and wait for life to happen, for it all to 'fall into place' you will be waiting an eternity.
You have to find the strength inside yourself to fight for the things you want out of life. It sounds to me like you've given up on yourself and that really saddens me! You're not even halfway to 30 yet and you're acting like your life is over.
Sure, anxiety is a horrible horrible illness that takes a hold of everything you know and turns it on it's head, but you can't beat it unless you're willing to put up a fight.
All of my close friends are in relationships/getting married/settling down but that doesn't matter to me, I'm super happy for them because they're doing what is right for them, if I'm honest with myself i know I'm not ready to settle down because;
a) My education comes first, i want to finish my degree and be in a job i love
and
b) I'm still learning a lot about myself thanks to my GAD - i fear that unless i learn to cope with this by myself fully, i will become dependent on someone else for my own happiness which could result in some messy situations.
You have to learn to be happy with yourself before you can open your heart to someone. The more you get yourself down about not finding a girlfriend, the more difficult it will be to actually find one!
It's that funny old saying 'when you stop searching for it, it finds you' which i believe to be true!
You are blessed, i know it doesn't feel like it most of the time, but that's only because you are in a bad place right now.
You are young, you have every opportunity available to you and you are instantly richer, both in the literal and metaphorical sense, than most of the worlds population!
If you put things into perspective, you have all the tools you need to be able to make a change in your life, it's having the courage to do it!
Just have to have a bit of self belief :flowers:
You are blessed, i know it doesn't feel like it most of the time, but that's only because you are in a bad place right now.
You are young, you have every opportunity available to you and you are instantly richer, both in the literal and metaphorical sense, than most of the worlds population!
If you put things into perspective, you have all the tools you need to be able to make a change in your life, it's having the courage to do it!
Just have to have a bit of self belief :flowers:
Maybe you have a point.
But in my situation to relief stress all I can think of is a hobby like a games console, cd, DVD something like that. It's not always possible to go out or be busy.
I feel I should not try as hard..I mean I put alot of hope on my shoulders of for example meeting new friends and about 3/4 times I've been let down if the friendship has never materialised far.
I don't give up as such I try too hard I think this can mean like maybe some opportunities I turn a miss to as if I am depressed at work maybe I miss a good chance to chat to a nice women? I just see it as black and white single..> relay on dating sites and night clubs. I find it hard to be myself and compare to others and think how they do it. I don't want to be rich just want positive people in my life. I am starting to see you have to pick and choose positive people and some have a negative impact on my life.
It might not always be possible but you have to push yourself to do things that make you feel uncomfortable. I am hopelessly socially awkward but i force myself to go to anything I'm invited to so i can test my coping mechanisms out and learn how to deal with it all.
Sitting in your room, which is essentially your comfort zone, playing a game isn't going to help you get over anything. You're just avoiding life.
I think you've got a notion in your head that's telling you you'll only feel fulfilled if you're in a relationship and i believe that's holding you back the most.
You need to address that before you can move on and really understand that it just isn't true. Happiness starts within yourself. Low self esteem is only hidden under a false sense of security when you are in a relationship because the need to be wanted/loved by someone is temporarily fulfilled. Eventually those demons will surface and will cause more problems i.e. jealousy, insecurity, stress etc.
If you can't find any self worth within you, how do you expect a girl to find any?
Desperation can lead you down a horrible path of wrong decisions. You can find yourself in a relationship with someone out of fear of being alone, which is why they're saying 50% of marriages end in divorce.
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself, take a step back and just be grateful for the things you do have.
If you hate your job, find a new one, do a course, volunteer. Get yourself out there and enjoy living again!
a good mantra to live by;
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” - Steve jobs
eight days a week
18-12-11, 23:46
I don't want to sound blunt Phil but i feel like I'm about to. Please understand this comes from a good place that cares;
If you sit around and wait for life to happen, for it all to 'fall into place' you will be waiting an eternity.
You have to find the strength inside yourself to fight for the things you want out of life. It sounds to me like you've given up on yourself and that really saddens me! You're not even halfway to 30 yet and you're acting like your life is over....
I've looked inside myself for years, and I haven't been able to find that strength. My life is over as far as I'm concerned (others may see it differently, but...)
I've almost given up. I only say almost because there is obviously some fight left in me, or i wouldn't even be posting.
Why am I even here? in the short term my goal is to not let my father die (I am carer for him, and he is not well right now).
After that, I have nothing I want to achieve in life (or rather, I have nothing I feel I can achieve).
Sorry Phil, for hijacking your thread. It just really makes me agitated when someone says 'find the strength within yourself' when I have looked for so long and can't find it. Where does that leave me???
If you hate your job, find a new one, do a course, volunteer. Get yourself out there and enjoy living again!
Believe me I have done alot since I was 18..let's start from 16 I've since had over ten jobs. I've had three jobs lasting six months or more in the past 2/3 years. I've been to college three times once lasting a few months the rest a week. Applied to evening classes just never went along. I have also volunteered before I really had much work experience. (Just to add to that ten jobs thing I use to stick them a week but started sticking them and you get to know people that way too so that's something positive I've done).
I hate my job in ways and in others I see it as a positive I work with alot of people, there's always new faces these days sometimes the job is a bit boring though. Basically I was applying until about October/November and decided to take a break I got about three declined without interview so felt best to say well focus on enjoying what the job has and maybe wait until after xmas. Now that said this recession has been going on since 2008 and I have to admit in 2011 there's even LESS jobs now..so it's not as easy as it use to be to be in a job and get another. My work takes on lots of work trials..it's all about getting unemployment down it seems right now.
I do understand what you are saying it's logical and nothing I've not heard before but well I heard that in 2007 yet with all the opportunities work, dating here I am still trying to find happiness. I mean I find it quite hard to be positive about my situation like I stay at home it's cheaper but I want to move out more than I did at 18. It just feels what I want, I can't get.
Plus I don't just sit in my room...I did this and developed a dose of agoraphobia and in the past year I got over that and started going uptown regular, pubs, cinema, even on a plane to my sisters down south myself for the first time on my own since 2005. I did this by relaxation and pushing myself to go out. I guess I mean say some weeks I feel well, nobody wants to go out this frustrates me. It's almost like it's go out with people you hardly see these days or work mates who ain't really mates or stay in..this is quite a dilemma. Because you know you deserve better but at the same time you don't want to sit in.
My post may seem like a moaning one and wishing it was better but I try every day to be positive. But it's hard what I'm saying is it's easy to say do this do that, join this club but that will not guarantee me mates even if I do come across the nicest most sociable person there..I'm actually fed up trying and trying. It's not all negative I do get on with some people, and it takes time. I think what it is I am not in the right place, right time it feels very much that way. There's times I could be on a date or at a club and everything is good at my end happy, having a fantastic time but by the end of the night I realise it wasn't my night, as tomorrow I don't have a girlfriend and so on..after 4 years of it going crap it's hard to be positive. Don't get me wrong I rarely feel I miss opportunities these days especially dating wise as I can tell you there's been very few nice women crossed my path in the past two years.:unsure:
It just really makes me agitated when someone says 'find the strength within yourself' when I have looked for so long and can't find it. Where does that leave me???
My intention was not to agitate anyone.
A year ago i was at a point in my life where i nearly gave up on myself altogether as i did not want to live anymore.
Someone was harsh and unforgiving with me and gave me a real kick up the backside that i needed.
As i have said before, mental health is delicate and people around us can sometimes pander to our anxieties when really, for me personally, i cope best when people are tough on me. It has taught me to push myself.
you said;
"I only say almost because there is obviously some fight left in me, or i wouldn't even be posting."
Yet you then say you have no strength inside you? You're a carer? Both of those things would indicate someone very strong to me.
Obviously i do not know your situation and I'm not pretending i do, but the fact that you are here, looking for answers is evidence that you aren't giving up.
I'm simply saying that sometimes we get into a habit of focusing on all of the negatives and forgetting about the positives, when things are put into perspective in the grand scheme of life, there is SO much to live and fight for.
We ourselves let our anxieties control our lives, we are the only ones with the power to rise above it.
It doesn't matter how many pills you take to chemically alter your brain or how many doctors, consultants, counselors, physiologists you see, sure these things can help in the short term but if you aren't willing to help yourself then it doesn't matter what anyone says. Nothing will change.
There are so many people out there in the world that will never get a chance to experience the freedom and opportunity we take for granted, people out there who don't get a chance to live their lives, all i'm saying is don't waste your opportunities by giving in to your lack of self belief. Find something to believe in.
eight days a week
19-12-11, 00:31
My intention was not to agitate anyone.
I completely understand that and meant it not at all as something personal to you when everything you posted was in the spirit of simple kindeness and wanting to help, only to me perhaps (my reaction, which I only am responsible for).
Someone was harsh and unforgiving with me and gave me a real kick up the backside that i needed.
As i have said before, mental health is delicate and people around us can sometimes pander to our anxieties when really, for me personally, i cope best when people are tough on me. It has taught me to push myself.
You are so lucky. I think if I had had someone like that I would never have got into this position in the first place. No man is an island. So, (I know it's a rhetorical question) where do I go from here? I need support, just a little bit, but I have none. Nothing at all.
I'm simply saying that sometimes we get into a habit of focusing on all of the negatives and forgetting about the positives, when things are put into perspective in the grand scheme of life, there is SO much to live and fight for.
I see nothing to fight for, nothing to look forward to, ever. It's so terribly sad. Please don't get me wrong, I am absolutely not asking you to show me these things! It's just, for me, they don't exist.
There are so many people out there in the world that will never get a chance to experience the freedom and opportunity we take for granted, people out there who don't get a chance to live their lives, all i'm saying is don't waste your opportunities by giving in to your lack of self belief. Find something to believe in.
I know that's not your point, but no-one is more concerned with cultures where they don't have the same opportunities as we do as I am. I care so much, that is what partly makes it all so hard. I would gladly give up my everything for someone who might have a chance at a happy and rewarding life - because I don't think I will ever have one myself.
Really, thanks so much for the encouragement, it is so much appreciated. I am just a lost cause, and don't really think I should be posting here about this. I should save it for my (useless) psychotherapy.
Believe me I have done alot since I was 18..let's start from 16 I've since had over ten jobs. I've had three jobs lasting six months or more in the past 2/3 years. I've been to college three times once lasting a few months the rest a week. Applied to evening classes just never went along. I have also volunteered before I really had much work experience.
Do you mind me asking why these things never worked out?
Have you any idea what you actually want to do with your life? Any goals?
---------- Post added at 00:52 ---------- Previous post was at 00:39 ----------
I completely understand that and meant it not at all as something personal to you when everything you posted was in the spirit of simple kindeness and wanting to help, only to me perhaps (my reaction, which I only am responsible for).
You are so lucky. I think if I had had someone like that I would never have got into this position in the first place. No man is an island. So, (I know it's a rhetorical question) where do I go from here? I need support, just a little bit, but I have none. Nothing at all.
I see nothing to fight for, nothing to look forward to, ever. It's so terribly sad. Please don't get me wrong, I am absolutely not asking you to show me these things! It's just, for me, they don't exist.
I know that's not your point, but no-one is more concerned with cultures where they don't have the same opportunities as we do as I am. I care so much, that is what partly makes it all so hard. I would gladly give up my everything for someone who might have a chance at a happy and rewarding life - because I don't think I will ever have one myself.
Really, thanks so much for the encouragement, it is so much appreciated. I am just a lost cause, and don't really think I should be posting here about this. I should save it for my (useless) psychotherapy.
Unfortunately, as you're clearly aware, psychotherapy doesn't work for everyone.
I had to learn that the hard way, or should i say my family's bank account did.
There's nothing i can say to you to make you feel better. Your brain is absolutely, definitively stuck with the idea that you are a lost cause.
Regardless of it falling on deaf ears, i promise you as long as you still wake up each morning you are not a lost cause.
Do you suffer from depression?
I want to tell you a true story. Again, i understand that it won't instantly inspire you or cure you but i want to tell you anyway.
My uncle was 40 when he was made redundant. He spiraled into a deep depression which lead to a horrific problem with alcohol. He had a loving wife and two children yet he couldn't even get himself out of the bed in the morning. Instead he drank and didn't speak to anyone.
12 years of heavy drinking turned him into a recluse, his children hated him and his wife hated herself.
He repeatedly told my auntie he wanted to die and had nothing in the world to live for.
Then out of the blue, his daughter became pregnant and gave birth to his first grandson. Holding that baby in his arms ignited something inside my uncle that he thought he'd lost forever. For the first time in the 12 years, he wanted to change things, not because anyone had told him to, but because he felt like he had something to live for again. He made the first steps to getting treatment.
3 weeks after the birth of the baby, he was rushed to a&e suddenly with pains in his stomach, 2 days later my uncle died of organ failure due to his alcoholism. The doctors said they had never a case as bad as his.
Not a happy ending to my uncles life, but he was so grateful he lived to see the birth of his grandson.
Unfortunately it was too late for him to turn things around which is very sad.
But my point is this, one day you will find something to live for. And it might come from a place you least expect, but you have to keep living with hope or else it might be too late.
Please don't give up.
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