Anniversary of my last bout of Anxiety

[HVC]

Hi all,

I've not been on here for a while, almost a year coming up which obviously indicates I've had a good year. Had my last really bad anxiety attack which came on Xmas day last year.. went on the Cit which kicked in thankfully about two weeks later and I've been fine ever since (although came of the Cit in June). Trouble is I can feel it creeping up on me again, I've been thinking about the anniversary of my last bout for the last few weeks now and this morning woke with my first rush of panic !! I started taking the Cit again last week but fear I've left it a bit late.. I'm on 10 at the mo to get it back into my system.
Feel very anxious and alone, my husband just doesn't understand it and when I said the other day I was feeling a bit ropey he just said "God I hope your not going to have it again this year" that statement has really put the pressure on !!! Just need someone to talk to, I know I will get though this again ! has anyone else experienced the anniversary bringing it on again ? the mind is such a powerful tool. would be great to talk to someone . thanks for reading, Helen x

[James1983]

Hello
Glad to hear your doing ok on cit. don't worry about having another attack try to put it behind you and i'm sure you'll be fine. think positive and your mind will do the rest. It can be very difficult for people who have never experienced what we have to understand my partner is exactly the same and tries to make a joke out of it sometimes. they say things like ''pull yourself together'' or '' what you worrying about you been the doctors and he said your alright''.
it is one of those things we panic sufferers have to deal with! but we love em all the same! Remember on here you are never alone.:noangel:

[sickandtired]

my hubby said to me..."what you got to worry about? you dont work!"
no,but i run a house and look after our 3 kids!! thats a MASSIVE worry!!! duh some people just dont get it!
if i hadnt had my mum and this site to confide in.....id have gone under
thanks nmp :flowers:

[pinkdove]

Hi hvc, maybe it is just the general stress of christmas, and not your anxiety coming back'

You have started your cit again, and it will kick in soon, and should calm things down a a bit again.

sorry your hubby said these things to you, but it is difficult to undersatnd if you have not suffered, i hope things improve for you soon, maybe ask him to read through some of the posts here to help him understand,

i hope you have a lovely christmas, and don't look back go forwards x

[HVC]

Thank you all for your kind encouraging words its just such a great help to come on here and talk to people who have experienced the horrible feelings that anxiety and panic can bring. I often wish I could inject my husband with some drug so that he could just experience for five mins that horrible rush of panic that one can experience in the hope he would understand. But I realise its not easy if you haven't had it, but in some ways its good that I don't have someone around me constantly that I could talk to otherwise it would in a way make me dwell on it more. I know all the answers, the positive thinking and the distractions and just trying to get on with my life until the feelings pass but when these sensations, over hightenened feelings get a grip its hard, well at least until the Cit kicks in so here's hoping it doesn't take too long .. thanks again everyone x

[Tero]

I did not find 10mg and 20mg that different for side effects, so talk to your doctor.

I have an understanding spouse, but I am also the main breadwinner in the house.

Good luck.

[HVC]

Your right the doc has told me to up to 20 straight away so I have taken it this morning feeling my usual morning panic but I know it will get better as the day goes on and I have more distractions thanks x

[Iain53]

Hi,

Greetings from a newbie!

I am also experiencing a blip after having a pretty good year.

Just a thought, but the 21/22nd Dec is the shortest day of the year - I wonder if this plays a part in the heightened anxiety levels at this time of year. I'm sure it depends on the person, but I really cant remember being that anxious in the middle of Summer.

Probably a bit late to test my theory though - does anyone feel their Anxiety is seasonal?

Iain

[scrog80]

its gone once it wont be here forever and some times it helps me by beeing told to pick my self up

[HVC]

Yes on a positive note I know it goes and acceptance that I'm not feeling myself for a little while helps it go that much quicker. Actually not been to bad the last day or so, and sleeping ok and that helps !

[feelingbad]

Hi

I know exactly what you mean. I had a really bad Christmas last year where my anxiety and panic attacks were out of control and I was convinced I was having a complete breakdown. However I did get better, have had a few 'bad days' over the last year but on the whole not too bad. However since about October I have been getting a little 'jittery' about Christmas coming and the 'what if' thoughts have started up again - what if I get ill like I was last year, what if I have a complete breakdown and end up in hospital. So no surprise to find that over a week ago I had trouble sleeping which started me worrying about 'what if I never sleep again', this then led my anxiety to be heightened so I was worrying about bed time coming round and now I am once again in the grip of out of control anxiety. The rational side of me knows that it will go, and that it is me who has brought it on, but I still wake up in a state of panic and worry which lasts all day, and I have that feeling of dread and unreality etc. I have been determined to keep on going into work but today had to attend a meeting and sat there thinking I was going to have a panic attack and didn't feel like I was really there and in the end I just ran out of the room, burst into tears and came home! So now not only do I feel like a complete nervous wreck but I feel that I may have put my job in jeopardy. I am on meds and have been all year but sometimes when things get too much they don't even touch the panic.

[HVC]

Hi "Feelingbad", yes I would agree it is totally our negative thoughts that bring it all on again just through the memory of what was !!! pathetic as it might be its really difficult to not think about it as its the "Fear of the Fear" that grips us. Don't worry about running out of the meeting, I'm sure you are not the first and won't be the last. When I have a bout I look around at everyone else and think I'm not as good as, or as "switched" on as or "confident" as anyone else, feelings of inadequacey play a big part but just because everyone on the outside looks ok, you just don't know whats going on in others lives and minds.
What dosage are you currently taking and have you thought of just upping for a little while just to get yourself through this blip !! because thats all your experiencing and IT WILL GO !! sooner than you think. I always use to feel "This is never going away and I'm going to feel like this for the rest of my life" but it does go.. everytime !! and makes me stronger and more knowledgeable about dealing with it next time . Take care and if you want to email me for a chat anytime feel free xxx

---------- Post added at 07:32 ---------- Previous post was at 07:27 ----------

P.S. Feeling bad.. I've just noticed your joining date onto this forum 25.12.10.. Snap... couldn't talk to my hubby about it last Christmas.. the whole episode started on the Xmas eve and while he and my son were downstairs watching telly I was on here on Christmas Day thinking I was going mad ! but it didn't last and I'm certainly not as bad as I was last year and I am determined through positive thinking that its not going to ruin my Christmas this year !!!! Helen xx

[feelingbad]

Hi Helen

How are you feeling today? I went back into work yesterday after the whole 'running out of the room in a panic' the day before. I was very close to tears all morning and the more everyone said 'are you ok today' the more I wanted to cry. Felt panic stricken but took my meds and thought I have to keep going because if I give in and stay home I'll just sit at home thinking about myself and convince myself I'm having a breakdown.

It's good to know I'm not alone with this (although I wouldn't wish this on anyone)! You have a very positive outlook and I so wish I could be a bit more positive. I know the anxiety attacks and general stress will diminish when things get back to normal (well the rational side of me does) but I have this constant fear that this time I'm never going to get better and I must have been like this 100 times in the past so I know things do get better with time but I just can't convince myself!!

I too work for the local authority and am supposed to be working Christmas Day, and 27th which seemed like a good idea when I agreed to do it but now I'm thinking 'what if I can't face going in and there's no-one to cover for me' and then I get myself worked up into a panic.

I've increased my Clomipramine and taking 30 mg of Oxazepam a day at the moment. I hate taking meds but sometimes life is just so hard and after being an anxious person for most of my life (I'm now 44) I just think sometimes you just need some help to get yourself back under some kind of control.

Yes last year i joined NMP as I was at my wits end. I remember sitting in bed Xmas morning thinking that I was going to die and the memory of that day has definitely caused the anxiety to come back - and the constant thinking of myself and analysing every thought....!

Anyway I hope you're coping ok?

Feel free to contact me any time.

Ali xx

[slipstream]

Anniversary dates are very much the same for me, this would be the time when i would think "here we go again" about a month before the date. And that would start from a small build up of intursive thoughts to then few days before ready to explode. This has happened many times before until i will get an off chance and be completly fine. It really is swings and roundabouts! Which is annoying!

One example is when we go on hoilday, we go away once a year normaly in the same time period, this also includes new years day parties and any other once a year events. I no the reason why, due to not being being confronted with my fear enough makes the "what if next time round it's the same" making the burning circle continue. Unfortunatly we all can't have a hoilday every week and a new years party every day so id like to think that one day yes i will just get use to it and forget all about it. The arrow of time will certainly show me.

[katiebean]

I too am on an anniversary of my last bouts of anxiety. I've really dreaded this time of year and I know that hasn't helped. Anxious about getting anxious again? Probably.

[HVC]

Well its good to know that its not just me (but like Ali says I wouldn't wish this on anyone, and no one will ever know what it feels like unless they experience it !!). I got though Christmas A OK so I've broken the cycle. Can't really confirm what the winning factor was, I think probably just a culmination of the meds and "positive" thinking with their help !! I know now that next Christmas will not be a case of "Oh no here we go again!"... and hopefully.. no make that "will be" an anxiety free zone and that horrible "Dread and Fear" will not be returning. I still however have not conquered my "Holiday Abroad" anxiety !! that is yet to be tested, having not gone away for 3 years since my really bad anxiety in Portugal after only 2 days and I had to come home !!! Been away for years (I'm 44 now) but always had that panicky feeling before and during the first few days of waking up in a strange place ? but unfortunately it came to ahead on that holiday and has really stirred the fear up and as someone said earlier its not the kind of thing you can afford to just "test out" every now and then ???
Helen. xxxx