Self Harm.. Again :(

[Anxiousmess]

Hi everyone.. i just want to come on and talk to someone, i dont feel brilliant right now.. ive just got up, i wanted to get up, i wasn't tired but to be honest im just to scared to be awake nowadays.. christmas is nearly here and im afraid i wont make it.. i always get that way before big special events.. the thing is, even though im suffering, i love my life, i have very caring people around me, i love all my family with all my heart, i dont want to die, i havent done all the things i want to do yet, im only 23..

I havent been on here for a while, because i was feeling better, i went one whole week without any breathing problems and it was the best week of my life, no worries.. i loved it, then all of a sudden it comes rushing back again, my throat felt like it became so tight and i came over very hot and started sweatin and i felt like i couldnt breathe in yet i wasnt wheezing, my husband straight away listened to my chest and said he could hear me breathin though which was reasurrin but why did it feel like i couldnt if thats the case..
My biggest fear has always been not being able to breathe, i worry myself so much over it, always thinking what if i suddenly start gasping and gasping and my air ways close up forever and im lying on the floor dying..
I dunno what happened last night, like i said a whole week went by and i could breathe just fine.. then boom!

Anyway, as this post reads, i self harmed again, i couldnt stop, i felt a sence of relief, but not for long, now all i keep thinking about is doing it again so i can relief some of this fear even if its just for 5 mins, i keep trying to over come my fears and move on and live a happy life, i want to be a mum some day, but all these things keeps happening and it knocks me straight back down again, i cant stop thinking something awful is wrong with me and one day i will just die from not being able to breathe..
Iv had tests done, afew months ago, all came back clear, and my oxygen lvl was very good, the doctor even said it was better than most that go in there to see her..
Maybe iv developed something since those tests?
I dont have allergys ( i dont think)
And i am a smoker (plannin on giving up very soon)
Sorry for the very long letter everyone, love you all and a very merry christmas and a happy new year to you all :) x

[crystal17]

Hi Ive self harmed since I was 14, not nice is it :weep:

I hope you're ok. Can you ask to be referred to a counsellor through your docs and if not then find one locally that is free (or wants a donation)?

Just try to get through the next few days, and you WILL! Have hope and strength x

[cathycrumble]

Hi everyone.. i just want to come on and talk to someone, i dont feel brilliant right now.. ive just got up, i wanted to get up, i wasn't tired but to be honest im just to scared to be awake nowadays.. christmas is nearly here and im afraid i wont make it.. i always get that way before big special events.. the thing is, even though im suffering, i love my life, i have very caring people around me, i love all my family with all my heart, i dont want to die, i havent done all the things i want to do yet, im only 23..

I havent been on here for a while, because i was feeling better, i went one whole week without any breathing problems and it was the best week of my life, no worries.. i loved it, then all of a sudden it comes rushing back again, my throat felt like it became so tight and i came over very hot and started sweatin and i felt like i couldnt breathe in yet i wasnt wheezing, my husband straight away listened to my chest and said he could hear me breathin though which was reasurrin but why did it feel like i couldnt if thats the case..
My biggest fear has always been not being able to breathe, i worry myself so much over it, always thinking what if i suddenly start gasping and gasping and my air ways close up forever and im lying on the floor dying..
I dunno what happened last night, like i said a whole week went by and i could breathe just fine.. then boom!

Anyway, as this post reads, i self harmed again, i couldnt stop, i felt a sence of relief, but not for long, now all i keep thinking about is doing it again so i can relief some of this fear even if its just for 5 mins, i keep trying to over come my fears and move on and live a happy life, i want to be a mum some day, but all these things keeps happening and it knocks me straight back down again, i cant stop thinking something awful is wrong with me and one day i will just die from not being able to breathe..
Iv had tests done, afew months ago, all came back clear, and my oxygen lvl was very good, the doctor even said it was better than most that go in there to see her..
Maybe iv developed something since those tests?
I dont have allergys ( i dont think)
And i am a smoker (plannin on giving up very soon)
Sorry for the very long letter everyone, love you all and a very merry christmas and a happy new year to you all :) x
I would just like to say my auntie had this panic she used to pant for air and stand by the back door to get air in her lungs i to have had it long time ago. Claire weekes book called self help for your nerves it has a paragraph on this which you are suffering from. She is really good and the whole book is sooo helpful. I would sugest you got it. All I can say about this problem you feel you have with not being able to breath just dont fight it and let go. but she explains it better than me.

Cathy xx