Can It Really Be This BAD??

[Sit2Know]

I have had anxiety for over 40 years and was housebound at age 19 for 2 years. I recovered and had decades of a good life. Now it is all back and worse than I have ever seen it. I also have several anxiety friends and they have never been as bad as I am.
I have severe agitation so I walk and pace many hours a day - I burn all over and shake or jitter. I am so sensitive my clothes hurt to touch my body - cant stand to watch TV - listen to music or go into a store as it sets my nerves off worse. I have severe nausea and stomach cramps so I can hardly eat. I cant stand noise of movement like my cat walking across the bed
I am afraid of everything - everything in my world is frightening - bad DR - I feel totally physically sick and can hardly do simple self care things most days. There is so much more.
My nights are worse hell - lucky to sleep 2 to 4 hours - I wake up burning - shaking and jittering and scared shitless - I see evil faces looming behind closed eyes - wicked thoughts all night - dozens of horrid physical symptoms and up to pee half dozen times.
I have so may more symptoms I cant even describe - I am in constant torture every single second.
I went the anxiety drug route many years ago and had horrible adverse reactions to every one of the 14 I tried or severe withdrawals from benzos so that is out.
I feel like no one has ever been this bad - am I alone in this severity?????
Thanks for responding I am really freaked

[NoPoet]

Hi, a return of your symptoms after days, months or years of feeling fine can be a terrible shock. I'm inclined to think that the faces, nightmares and horrible thoughts are just part of the anxiety. You don't understand what you're going through so your body interprets things in a very frightening way.

It's not unusual to have a massive range of physical symptoms when suffering from anxiety (this is a normal physiological response to adrenaline). The more upset you get, the more adrenaline gets released to help you face what your body regards as an escalating threat. Of course, the only threat is fear itself, so you get caught up in what I call the "Cycle of Worry".

To make matters worse you are "sensitised" to anything that could possibly act as a shock such as loud music etc, and when your normal reaction to loud music might be to enjoy it or be irritated by it, at present it plays on already over-taxed nerves, causing you to freak out. This is purely due to the state you are in and while difficult to deal with when you feel so shocking, it can and will get better.

On top of this, it sounds like you are also in the same trap a lot of us get into: you're so afraid of your thoughts and feelings that the whole thing is intolerable and you don't know how you're going to get through each day. Yet somehow, like the rest of us, you keep going.

I would strongly recommend you get hold of Dr Claire Weekes' books Self-Help For Your Nerves and the more advanced Essential Help For Your Nerves. The first book is light and easy-going and does not contain anything that will make you feel worse. The second is pretty heavy-duty in that it contaons constant advice, reassurance and also letters she received from anxiety sufferers during AND AFTER their illness.

You should speak to an anxiety support group ASAP and try to arrange some type of therapy. I am just starting CBT and have learned more about myself in one session than 9 months of counselling. You definitely need some type of support; while there is no reason you can't recover without help, no-one should go through this alone.

As for negative thoughts, I am still trying to cope with that too, and until I have learned some effective techniques I will say this: our thoughts are automatic and do not necessarily reflect the way we really feel. When we are not suffering from anxiety, a disturbing thought cropping up would be rejected with disgust and quickly forgotten. While anxious or very tired, these thoughts seem to "stick" instead. My CBT therapist reckons this can be overcome fairly quickly with practice and support. Just take a minute to think how you'd feel if you either didn't have the negative thoughts, or more realistically, youcould simply let them go without reacting in fear.