hi, new member

[bobajobrob]

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[Daisybun]

Hi Rob and welcome, I can sympathise a little as I relive a traumatic incident that happened to me last year and is the current trigger to my anxiety now, but i have also got health anxiety which I've had on and off for years, always been a worrier. You'll find lots of support here.

Take care
Daisybun

'This too will pass'

[bobajobrob]

Hi daisybun, thanks for the reply [^]

[nomorepanic]

Hi there and welcome aboard.

Seems like you have been through quite a lot there!

Lovely to see you here and hope you feel at home and meet some fab people

Nicola

[Meggy]

Hi Rob and Welcome -

I'm fairly new here too and have already received a lot of support, insight that I haven't been able to get anywhere else although I just changed therapists to a specialist in panic disorder and PTSD, or close.

I saw many similarities in things, you posted, with me and one of my daughters. But you know what? I felt when I first started here I would be so unique in my panics, depressions, rages, crying and I'm not. Just that has been such a relief to me. First I'll tell you about me. Briefly (I never say anything briefly unfortunately because I've had a head injury blah blah I won't go into it all now), I have been diagnosed with severe PTSD. I thought it was from a violent crime that happened to me 3 years ago, and that is a big part of it, but the more I speak with my therapist and right now she's pouring it on, which is good I guess, but difficult for me, the more I'm seeing this started much earlier in my life. One event after the other and none of them had any resolutions. Event after event kept piling up but none of them ended with me feeling like, that turned out well, or many didn't. In ways she said that can be good if I learned coping skills that are healthy but if I didn't, built up walls and dysfunctional reactionary behaviors, obviously not so good but not fatally bad either. I have a mixed bag apparently. I have been treated by a person who I really liked, didn't want to change but he insisted I see someone who specialized in PTSD. I was very resistant. She's very good tho I'm finding out, it was a wise move. She's respecting my abilities and inabilities, such as I freaked out in "group" so for now she doesn't want me going (what a relief!). I'm so distrusteful, didn't know I had social anxiety but am learning what it is and I do have that. I hate giving advice because I'm so uninformed, I'm learning so much now I do wonder how much I still don't know, but take it in little steps. I want to jump the whole mountain right now and I can't, no one can. I can't remember where it is on this site but it's well labeled for you to find it but there is listed somewhere the many modalities of treatment for PTSD. I have already had several but didn't know how many more there were until I read it here. I've never had behavioral modifcation for example, I'm going to start soon and from what I've read about it, I'm intimidated as usual, but I think that might be helpful to me. As an example.

You also mentioned rage and crying? When I started posting here I did feel those were the only two problems I had. I have anger, every day, often all day but when I have a rage? I'm totally out of control. I calla it for me temporary insanity. I've gotten myself into trouble more than once and I'm a 57 year old mother of 11! Doesn't fit does it but I can hit rage it a microsecond and I do it so well[:O] The other thing is the crying. Since I was injured I cry over crazy things like a current TV ad, sad and cruel things, touching things but often nothing at all. The thing I've been taught by people around me is that they're uncomfortable with these strong and often inappropriate to the situation emotions of mine. I'm learning here and with my new therapist? Tough. I'm doing the best I can do and by censoring me, which can be done in many ways, it has made me feel devalued, mentally ill sometimes, not only not trusting but certainly not trusting myself.

One of my very bright and pretty daughters had differences from others her age. She's 26 now, engaged, in fact they just bought a house today. She still struggles with her problems and of course her self esteem took some hard hits in school too. I have wondered how I would have withstood what she went through for years, and you too. I am so sorry though, really I am, you didn't have support in your home as a child. Is that inappropriate to say? I'm not sure. By the time my daughter got to the 5th grade I could see the schools wouldn't support her, nor would the parents of the thuggy kids torturing her and she was

[bobajobrob]

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[hayles]

Hi Rob,

I hope your doctor appointment goes well.
Maybe you should think about councelling. My problems are very different to yours but for a long time i just suffered rather then asked for help. This year i finally gave in and asked for help and recieved councelling. which at first was very difficult for me but in the long run a very big help!

Dont give up there is always light

take care mate!

Hay x

[bobajobrob]

Thanks Hayles

I'm definately looking to have counselling, I would like to find someone who has experience with PTSD. I was going to a place called SOCA in gloucester before but they are closing down due to lack of funds :(

Rob

[hayles]

Speck to your GP, they will help you with this.
And theywill be bale to refer you for the correct form of councelling that suits you best!

Good luck and let us know how you get on.

Chin up chook

Hay x

[chucklehound]

Hi Rob, welcome to NMP

[bobajobrob]

Hello chucklehound :)

[bobajobrob]

Went to the docs today. He seemed very reluctant to diagnose anything. He said PTSD is just a label. I told him how it would be helpful because I feel like I've been going crazy, so he reluctantly said it could be called PTSD as well as "a lot of other things". He's going to refer me to a psychiatrist who can decide what to do. I hope the psych will be refer me to a counsellor who is experienced with these kind of things.

I was pleased to get a diagnosis (albeit a very reluctant one), it just feels like I'm jumping through hoops again. I was referred to a psych once before who referred me back to the GP saying I need counselling. At least this time I'm more wise as to how the system works and more aware of my condition and my needs.

My doctors always seems highly stressed, it's very hard to talk to him and get what I need. It's difficult at the best of times. I get the feeling he feels like I'm wasting his time and I usually come away feeling angry that I'm not getting adequate consultation time and help. I have to wait almost a week for an appointment then I get barely 5 minutes before he's trying to get me out of his room. To top it off there was a piece in the news this morning about cuts in the Gloucestershire NHS, they need to save a couple of million and job cuts look likely. How are they going to cope if they're stretched already?

[bobajobrob]

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[Meggy]

Hello. Are you feeling better? I posted to you before. I have problems with anger and rages. A little understatement. I believe that gives me some authority to speak bluntly with you because I have understanding of these problems and the problems they cause us and others.

Do not kill yourself. Stop thinking of death as an option now, today. Death is permanent. You can not change your mind or say you're sorry later. I'm an RN. I worked for one year in the emergency room and one thing about suicide that scares me is that often it's not successful. You're left with a damaged brain or body. I tried to commit suicide and was caught by one of my daughters. I had gotten epilepsy 3 years before and medicines don't work for me. I didn't just feel like, I was ruining everyone's life around me, and my life was trashed. I will never forget the hurt and anger of my husband and daughter afterwards though. Your wife may say the things you said, but if you commit suicide you will have forever damaged her too. Call a hot line. Go to the emergency room. Connect with a noncensoring other. I promised myself if I ever feel that way again, I will first do these things. As an RN I can tell you that the problems you're having now you can create for those around you. Don't do it. Take away that option. If you're still using mind altering substances I'd quit. It screws around with good judgment. I've tried that too.

I will give to you knowledge that was given to me. I am still struggling with this concept even though I now know it to be right. Identifying what triggered off a rage can help you figure out why that was a trigger to work with that trigger in your mind the next time it happens. Blaming something or someone for triggering your rage means you are helpless to stop. If you are like me, you feel horrid after a rage. I feel physically ill. Weak and shakey, sometimes nauseated and confused. Often it starts a migraine. I know I never had a rage until I was raped and beaten 3 years ago. You know this, rage is far different than anger. As I posted to you before for me it's like temporary insanity and for me, I believe it is. The fact is tho I have lived my life with others more successfully without rages. I can't say this for you but when I have a rage I can make such a mess of things in my life they can't be repaired. I had to go to court last week and thankfully I got off with a slap on the hand. I decided I had to get serious about getting my rages defused. That's my therapist's term - defuse. I had been thinking I was getting better because I was having fewer rages, not being triggered off constantly but the fact is I was still having them regularly and more predictably to certain things and my justifications were getting better, at least to me. I was also loosing friends, alienating people around me and that made me mad too.

I didn't see how her "exercises" I was to try could defuse my rages because they come on so hard and fast they take my breath away at times. Sometimes and I wonder if you have this, I start getting this feeling coming over me. I can feel the rage growing, it feels very powerful. To be honest when I feel one coming on I don't want to defuse it. That does tell me tho, my judgment is off. She is having me learn how to defuse myself in steps. In one week? I've defused two rages. One big one, one little one. I rate my rages lol. Small, medium, large. I would like to share with you what she is teaching me but I would be acting as your therapist then and I think that not safe, prudent. I am very encouraged you say you know you need help and are seeking it. It took me a very long time, too long, to reach that point.

I started a thread that relates to this. I can't remember the topic title. It has the word "boomeranged" in it. A deep anger I have held against my husband I have found out was baseless but I have been horribly angry at him for 3 years then found out I was wrong. I've felt deflated, squished, a little depressed since then. All this towering an

[bobajobrob]

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[Lynnann]

Hi,

There is also assist services in Rugby, have a look at their website

www.traumatic-stress.freeserve.co.uk/webstart.htm

Hope they might be able to help you

Hugs to you

Lynnann