IJ25
30-12-11, 23:39
Hell everyone. This is my first post here, been a member for a while but really feeling the need to let my feelings out.
I have very bad social anxiety. I'm 21 years old and it is completely destroying my life, has been for the best part of 6-7 years. I constantly become anxious in even the most minor social encounters, with the major problem being sweat. My face literally just starts melting, it's disgusting and incredibly noticeable. I went to University last year with pretty high grades to study Law and dropped out within 2 weeks, immediately becoming depressed with my inability to integrate the way others around me clearly were (and also noticing how easy it was for them). Nothing to do with the course or finding it difficult, completely down to me being a depressed anxious mess.
I then proceeded to take a year out. Now I come from a pretty successful background and despite coming out about my feelings my father wasn't exactly supportive. I could sort of see and feel his embarrassment towards me and knew immediately that I had to rectify it. He could sort of tell for a while that I wasn't "normal". I wasn't very social and had become very reclusive. I tried over the year to get help, went to a councillor, took anti-depressants (Fluoxidine, which accomplished sweet **** all) but despite all of that, all the cognitive therapy. The sweating, the anxiety just doesn't let up. It's there, constantly.
Anyways, I went to another University in September. I got off to a rough start with some seriously anxious moments in my first tutorial and even the tutor brought up my sweating, in front of ****ing everyone. At that point I was done attending, and have since missed far more classes/lectures than I've attended. As a result I've not even handed in the CW and am set to fail. Can't even motivate myself to do the piece due in January, because there's no point, what will it really accomplish?
I don't want to face up to my parents again and I'm just lost for options, it's like there's no way out for me at all. Anxiety has torn my life apart. The sad part of it is, growing up I was pretty charismatic, was always one of the more social kids in school and anything but shy. Now I'm quite literally a shell of a person. I have no social life at all, never had any sort of relationship with a girl at all and now the one thing I felt I had left, my education is all but destroyed too.
For the first time in my life I'm really considering ending it. And I NEVER would have thought of that before because I think suicide is the most selfish, atrocious act any human being can commit. But I'm not Religious and am just finding less and less reason to wake up in the morning. I go to bed hoping I don't wake up, that's not healthy.
Anyways, not even too sure why I'm posting this. More to just write my feelings down, which is easy behind a keyboard. Sorry to put you guys through the chore of reading about my pathetic excuse for a life.
Edit: Sorry if posted in the wrong place
I have very bad social anxiety. I'm 21 years old and it is completely destroying my life, has been for the best part of 6-7 years. I constantly become anxious in even the most minor social encounters, with the major problem being sweat. My face literally just starts melting, it's disgusting and incredibly noticeable. I went to University last year with pretty high grades to study Law and dropped out within 2 weeks, immediately becoming depressed with my inability to integrate the way others around me clearly were (and also noticing how easy it was for them). Nothing to do with the course or finding it difficult, completely down to me being a depressed anxious mess.
I then proceeded to take a year out. Now I come from a pretty successful background and despite coming out about my feelings my father wasn't exactly supportive. I could sort of see and feel his embarrassment towards me and knew immediately that I had to rectify it. He could sort of tell for a while that I wasn't "normal". I wasn't very social and had become very reclusive. I tried over the year to get help, went to a councillor, took anti-depressants (Fluoxidine, which accomplished sweet **** all) but despite all of that, all the cognitive therapy. The sweating, the anxiety just doesn't let up. It's there, constantly.
Anyways, I went to another University in September. I got off to a rough start with some seriously anxious moments in my first tutorial and even the tutor brought up my sweating, in front of ****ing everyone. At that point I was done attending, and have since missed far more classes/lectures than I've attended. As a result I've not even handed in the CW and am set to fail. Can't even motivate myself to do the piece due in January, because there's no point, what will it really accomplish?
I don't want to face up to my parents again and I'm just lost for options, it's like there's no way out for me at all. Anxiety has torn my life apart. The sad part of it is, growing up I was pretty charismatic, was always one of the more social kids in school and anything but shy. Now I'm quite literally a shell of a person. I have no social life at all, never had any sort of relationship with a girl at all and now the one thing I felt I had left, my education is all but destroyed too.
For the first time in my life I'm really considering ending it. And I NEVER would have thought of that before because I think suicide is the most selfish, atrocious act any human being can commit. But I'm not Religious and am just finding less and less reason to wake up in the morning. I go to bed hoping I don't wake up, that's not healthy.
Anyways, not even too sure why I'm posting this. More to just write my feelings down, which is easy behind a keyboard. Sorry to put you guys through the chore of reading about my pathetic excuse for a life.
Edit: Sorry if posted in the wrong place