charsey
02-01-12, 00:03
So another new year in and once again I'm feeling apprehensive as to whether this is the year I will be diagnosed with some terminal illness. For once I have a hint of feeling positive about the year ahead and once again like always it's tainted with these horrid voices in my head saying "don't get too excited, this is the year you should fear the most".
I wanted to start writing a diary, in the hope it may relieve some of the stress I've been feeling lately, but that feels morbid like I'm leaving something for the people I'll leave behind or that I'm tempting fate and by feeling this way I feel like I'm going mad and being stupid. I've had HA for about 10yrs (albeit on and off) and even through the worst of my HA I have never been diagnosed with whatever condition I thought it was I had. So why must I allow myself to go through this each year???
I wanted to start writing a diary, in the hope it may relieve some of the stress I've been feeling lately, but that feels morbid like I'm leaving something for the people I'll leave behind or that I'm tempting fate and by feeling this way I feel like I'm going mad and being stupid. I've had HA for about 10yrs (albeit on and off) and even through the worst of my HA I have never been diagnosed with whatever condition I thought it was I had. So why must I allow myself to go through this each year???