A Question for the Male sufferers!!

[Meewah]

I am intersted if having anxiety makes you feel less like a man? I am male and feel sometimes that I am becoming feminised as most women seem to be drawn to strong silent types. Well I'm silent but I feel weak and fearful. Does your sexuality feel threatened by this modern curse?

[theharvestmouse]

Sometimes it does, no doubt about it.

[william wallace]

I voted no because I think that having a feminine side makes you more of a man.
With 20 years of depression and anxiety behind me I hate to see anyone suffering for instance, a walk along Princes Street in Edinburgh will set me back about £5. I have to give something to any poor devil that sleeps in a shop doorway, could easily be me:ohmy:
Even on here I hate to see an unanswered post and always try to write something just to let them know they're not alone.
I have to go now, as I'm wrestling with pitbulls today:D

[mallan82450]

Definitely not.

[melvin]

def not mate

[NoPoet]

I put "sometimes". Whether or not I come across as manly isn't important to me. I am a lot more emotion-led than any of my girlfriends have been and this makes me wonder how I compare to other men, but to be honest, my anxiety has me more concerned about my health than anything else. I think it takes more of a man to speak up about what he's going through. I'd be lying if I said I was some kind of "tough guy" though!

[eight days a week]

It does sometimes - almost all of my friends and role models (apart from my dad) have been alpha males and incredibly confident.

But, I can promise you that LOTS of ladies are attracted to sensitive thoughtful types. I have had two in love with me for the last year and a half - just such a shame I can't reciprocate their feelings, because I REALLY would like someone special in my life.

I think balance is important - and for me think that will be probably a strong lady who accepts me for what I am and appreciates what I give her in return (and I would give her everything).

I think many of us who have seen the darkness of anxiety and depression are in some ways more enlightened than most. So, we're in a bit of a minority, but I'm pretty sure if we can find someone who understands we're onto an absolute winner :)

[william wallace]

It does sometimes - almost all of my friends and role models (apart from my dad) have been alpha males and incredibly confident.

But, I can promise you that LOTS of ladies are attracted to sensitive thoughtful types. I have had two in love with me for the last year and a half - just such a shame I can't reciprocate their feelings, because I REALLY would like someone special in my life.

I think balance is important - and for me think that will be probably a strong lady who accepts me for what I am and appreciates what I give her in return (and I would give her everything).

I think many of us who have seen the darkness of anxiety and depression are in some ways more enlightened than most. So, we're in a bit of a minority, but I'm pretty sure if we can find someone who understands we're onto an absolute winner :)

No offence meant but reading your post you dont really come over as a sensitive, thoughtful type. The number of times that you use I or me and the way that you speak about women comes over as conceited and chauvenistic. Just an observation, hope you dont take offence:)

[robinbrum]

Interesting question to which I replied "sometimes". I do believe there is more of a stigma to men suffering mental health problems than women, no matter how "equal" we're all supposed to be these days. For example shyness is seen as very unbecoming in a man, whereas in a woman it's demureand an acceptable female trait. I struggled to come to terms with that a great deal in my adolescence and still find it difficult now.

[eight days a week]

No offence meant but reading your post you dont really come over as a sensitive, thoughtful type. The number of times that you use I or me and the way that you speak about women comes over as conceited and chauvenistic. Just an observation, hope you dont take offence:)

No problem with much of your reply, despite it coming across as potentially a bit deliberately rude. I am very self-absorbed at the moment, and in a very bad way due to depression (which of course, to be fair, you wouldn't have known).

I think sensitive and thoughtful people DO use 'I' or 'me' a lot after periods of self-reflection, if they are opening up, and that is what I am trying to do here. I don't come here to just talk about myself, I sincerely want to help others wherever I can. I don't mean to derail the thread but these are words I have hardly ever used in my adult life of twenty years. I have always been scared to offer my opinion, to anyone, about anything, and I think that has led to most of my problems. Now I'm attending psychotherapy that is precisely what I'm being encouraged to do - to talk about how I feel. And I think that's the way forward for me.

It's something I'm keen to get away from - from distinguishing myself from others. All I want is to feel connected to the universe and everyone else in it, to not feel so divorced from the whole, or scared by it, by society, by almost everyone I meet. I'm the first to admit I'm a very long way from that right now, but it's my dream.

I'm pretty sure that finding 'me' is the key to finding my involvement in the greater scheme of things, and the only way out of this hole I've been in for so many years now.

Reading my comment back about those two ladies I can appreciate why you might think that - my words were not necessarily well chosen. But I adore women, I think they are much the stronger sex. Most of my best friends are ladies. I have been celibate for more years almost than I can count - I am no chauvinist or playboy - completely the opposite. And it hurts me deeply that I have two lovely ladies who adore me so much but that I can't love back, that was one point I wished to make (the other - bigger - one, as it's the thread topic, being that sensitive and thoughtful types are appreciated and do find love).

And I have met quite a few ladies and gents from here now who (I hope) would say I am indeed thoughtful, (hyper - not good) sensitive and a complete gentleman. I apologise to anyone who thought my hastily-written comments didn't reflect that, or were offensive, they certainly weren't meant to be.

Thank you for a thought-provoking post that has forced to look at myself again (although to be quite honest I am sick to the back teeth of it, it is necessary if I'm ever to recover from depression and anxiety). No doubt you would criticise me again for being so introspective but - hello- look at the site you are posting on, and why we are all here.

I'd also be grateful if you could PM me if you post anything so critical of me again so that I am sure to have a chance to reply and explain if necessary. It's quite hurtful to think I certainly would have missed this post if I hadn't left my PC on and refreshed it before going to bed.

---------- Post added at 01:15 ---------- Previous post was at 01:00 ----------


Interesting question to which I replied "sometimes". I do believe there is more of a stigma to men suffering mental health problems than women, no matter how "equal" we're all supposed to be these days. For example shyness is seen as very unbecoming in a man, whereas in a woman it's demureand an acceptable female trait. I struggled to come to terms with that a great deal in my adolescence and still find it difficult now.

Maybe it's through hanging out in certain places online so much over so many years, rather than socially (where people may be generally more outgoing, at least on the outside) but many of the ladies I've got to know well don't see shyness as unbecoming in a man - I think it's a fallacy, and one that's not at all helpful.

To me it's somewhat similar to me friend who works on a make-up counter. She's beautiful, always looks perfect, smiles all day long at customers, makes them laugh, sells loads. But she comes home at night and cries herself to sleep most nights because she's completely unhappy. She's trying to play the role that society expects of her (and she's bloody brilliant at it too!) But to me the girl who opens up and admits her vulnerability has infinite more worth than the actor she spends almost all her time being. And I believe if she could accept her true self - rather than the self society seems to demand - she'd have a chance at real happiness.

It's heartbreaking to me to see her life carry on like this. I've tried to talk to her about it so much, and she knows all about my problems, but she sees no other way than following the "rules" of the "game" that society is right now.

---------- Post added at 01:24 ---------- Previous post was at 01:15 ----------


No offence meant but reading your post you dont really come over as a sensitive, thoughtful type. The number of times that you use I or me and the way that you speak about women comes over as conceited and chauvenistic. Just an observation, hope you dont take offence:)

I apologise to the OP again because I'm going off-topic (again), but I find it fascinating that you don't use "I" or "me" yourself in this post, only "you". That rang a bell and I've looked back at some of your previous posts - it always seems to be about "you", always about others. And you seem so sensitive yourself about my use of those words, when all one can really do on a forum is talk from experience.

Maybe we are more similar than you think? Just a thought - happy to chat about it anytime, just PM me please :)

[william wallace]

Looking at my post today eight days a week, I was a bit harsh, so changed my signature just for you:)

[Meewah]

Thanks for the replies.

I feel as the "man in the house" that I should protect and be the main bread earner. Well protect, not too much of a problem with, Anything to do with health from anybody in my family and I fall apart thinking the worse. I feel my stereotype male bread winner is lacking as my wife brings in the most money. I sometimes wonder what my part in all this is? Yes i can bring balance to my kids character and sometimes, as with three boys, control!! I am good at putting up the facard of the confident type but below is someone living in fear.

Mee

---------- Post added at 03:58 ---------- Previous post was at 03:55 ----------

After thinking about this question I wonder how many Male sufferers actually brushed passed this question as they did not want to admit they felt. As you say it takes a real man to admit when something is wrong.

Debate....


Mee

[HarvestMoon]

I say 'No' because I am not sure what it means to be a man. I am a man but what does that mean? How am I supposed to act/be? Pehaps I am not qualified to answer this as I do not feel typically male.

[mikewales]

I would say definitely no ( and I'm sure my GF would agree lol ) but I run my own business, run the house etc... all typical 'man of the house' things.

But these days it is quite often the case that the woman earns the same or more than the man, and there is nothing wrong with that, and it isnt seen as unusual. I have friends whos wives have really well paid jobs ( one is a doctor and one is a lawyer ) and the men stay at home and look after the kids as it makes more sense, and the wives wouldnt want to give up their careers.

[Halcyon]

It doesn't make me feel any less of a man but I don't conform to the 'masculine' stereotype anyway so that part of it wouldn't affect me. It helps that I'm still at university so there aren't any expectations of being a breadwinner or anything like that but if I was in a situation like that, I think I would start to feel inadequate.

When things get bad, I do feel less of a person. Other people can get on with their lives and do things but it doesn't come anywhere near as naturally to me and when I have panic attacks (full blown ones are very rare these days but I often get some of the symptoms) it's as if I can't function in the same way as everyone else. It doesn't help that I'm very sensitive to social rejection and things like that, so people can often upset me with very small things and that affects my social life in general.

[william wallace]

I have friends whos wives have really well paid jobs ( one is a doctor and one is a lawyer ) and the men stay at home and look after the kids as it makes more sense, and the wives wouldnt want to give up their careers.

My Mrs is a Senior Charge Nurse at the local hospital. She's really well paid and has always earned more than me. I'm a house husband at the moment on JSA because I was made redundant in December. I do all the cooking, cleaning etc but draw the line at hanging out washing:whistles: