mylittleangels3
04-01-12, 15:35
Hi, I finally plucked up the courage to join after knowing about this website for a couple of years now, after having my FIRST MASSIVE PANIC ATTACK in June 2009. I am a 41 year old female with a lovely husband and 3 beautiful daughters and these past 2 years have been so hard on all of us as the panic attacks got worse and more frequent, causing me such deep depression that eventually I thought suicide was the only way out. I felt that my cries for help were not being answered - I was encouraged not to go down the drug route straight away and, with my head in such a mess that I couldn't make even the smallest decisions for myself, I went for talking therapy instead. This was not helpful for me at that time, as the panic attacks were coming 7-8 times a day, the depression causing me to find it hard even to find the energy to talk. I spent most of my time in bed sleeping, feeling guilty all the time as I could not function properly for my husband and young children and constantly worried that my illness was going to affect my girls too. The feeling of being useless and a burden on everybody and thinking that I would never get better made me think "what's the point in carrying on - it would be best for everyone if I wasn't here". When I told my GP this, she immediately prescribed me anti-depressants and beta blockers and advised me to delay talking therapy until I felt better able to cope with it. It has been a long road of ups and downs since then, and I realise now there was never going to be any quick fix to what I was suffering from (even though, looking back now, that's what I was hoping for!) but I am now in a far better place mentally and have learnt so much about myself (and about panic disorder and manic depression) that I feel I am better able to cope day to day. That's the most important thing I've learnt about having this nervous breakdown - that recovery is about taking things slowly, not putting so much pressure on myself as I used to (that's what got me into this mess in the first place!), not to be so hard on myself if I relapse and have a bad day (I know tomorrow could be a good day), and most importantly to follow a plan of treatment that works for ME. Everyone is different in this world and what works in terms of treatment for some, might not work for others - there is no shame in asking for the help that YOU need. I continue to take anti-depressants (came off them for 6 months last year, but had a relapse), but no longer need beta-blockers. Went back to talking therapy when I felt better able to deal with it, and have also been referring to this website more and more recently in case I have any worries - it really is a comfort to know that advice from other sufferers is just a click away because when all this first started for me I had never felt so alone in my life! Looking forward to being part of the "No More Panic" community. :yesyes: