2012 Time for change...don't want to deal with this!

[Em84]

Hi Everyone

Ok so I know this is a bant, I'm so sick of having HA! This year I'm going to do my nest to conquer all my fears so I can hopefully eliminate this from my system.*

After having my son 4 years ago and starting the pill again within 3 months I started having bleeding between each cycle- heavy! Got to the point I used to wear tampons everyday just incase I got caught out. this was going on until I stopped the pill October 2011....I've ignored every smear reminder scared of CC (part of me thinks it was the pill).

Two years ago I was perfectly happy although I grew up surrounded by depression, alcoholism, OCD...you name it...seems to run in the family.*
I've always had a constant fear of dying especially of HIV I have no understanding why but it was so bad i even declined a PIA test during both of my pregnancies.*
Anyhow, two years ago my husband went away to work out of the country for over a month, my dog got flees (bad, big time) and was working as well as taking care of my son...the stress was overwhelming. In the space of 3 weeks my eyebrow started to thin and circles of bald patches were happening all over my scalp....DR GOOGLE said could be this and that including bad health problems....so the fear started, went to the doctor and had blood tests (sitting in the hospital waiting room making sure they wernt doing an HIV test...they wern't) came back fine said its stress.*

1 year later hair grown back pretty happy but with small anxiety symptoms arising, high BP etc. My husband yet again had to go away (army) to Afghan. I was just about coping but the symptoms were getting worse...then bam....two men at the door saying he had been shot and was being operated on over there, no further information.*
He finally got sent home two weeks later and I fell pregnant with my second child. Within 3 months my hair started to fall out again, this time luckily only 2 or 3 spots of which one was quite large.*

I've tried Citalopram which was awful, like being on an ecstasy tablet, then on Sertraline for 5 weeks which was the same. I have been cold turkey off the Sertraline for about 7-8 weeks now and feel better but I've been having really bad chest pains left right you name it.....my husband doesn't understand and thinks I'm mental, literally! I'm fed up with being scared all the time....I'm sick of laying in bed at night for hours thinking it's my last and I won't wake up.*

I've had virus after virus since the beginning of December and I now seem to have a throat infection which is keeping me up at night from the coughing.*

I'm going to book a Smear test next week and talk to the nurse requesting that I dont have to wait too long to go in as I may bottle it...I'm not brave enough to do a PIA test yet but I'm hoping to get there.*

Fact is my doctor doesn't know I've come off the meds yet, I'm going to tell him I'm not interested and need to sort this in other ways.....Tonight husbands working so chest pains, dizziness bad..I always get when alone with the children in the house....prove won't sleep tonight, I WANT TO CHANGE!*

If you have read this, thank you...I would really like to hear others stories of how this started for them....

Xxx:hugs:

[macc noodle]

Hey well done you!! this is a very powerful post you have written and I applaud you for your honesty about your struggles. :yesyes:

This is the first step for you to conquer your problems - now you need to see your GP and ask for a referral for some CBT or counselling to help you in this quest.

It can be done - you may never be completely free from the HA but you can control it and boy it feels good when you can - to be completely overwhelmed by it is just about the worst thing in the world.

I have suffered severe HA and general anxiety and panic for many years but last year I had 6 months of CBT which proved to be a real turning point for me and I feel free from the constant worry which is a great way to feel.

Yes, I still have very dodgy days but I can deal with them and they are few and far between - usually rearing its head when I am under pressure but it is manageable and does not run my life anymore.

Good luck.

Any advice you want, feel free to PM me.

Macc Noodle

PS: I am a 50 year old mum of two boys so know how hard it is when you have kids to look after whilst suffering too.

[b4eve]

You sound very focused and very determined, I really hope you do achieve the breakthrough you're hoping for this year - seems like you're ready. Can't be easy at all with your husband in the services.

I've had health anxiety forever I think - certainly since I was a teenager if not before. There are some illness related events in my childhood which probably contributed and also my mother suffers with HA... I dunno, it runs deep :shrug: My HA drove me to take an HIV test (back in 1993 when you had to go to a GU clinic and sit through 30mins of gloomy counselling beforehand) , it's funny how different people react differently to the same fear. I'm determined to sort myself out this year too - good luck to all of us who are determined to defeat this in 2012 :D

[justina]

It was very interesting to read about you and your problems.:bighug1:
My HA problems started 5 years ago when my father died of cancer. He was very strong so he died very slowly, if you understand what I mean, and he suffered so much. After this I am totally phobic about cancer.
Not only for myself, but also for my 3 kids. 2 years ago my son got a blood disease, luckily it turned out to be something not too bad, but the doctors had to exclude leukemia and lymphoma, since the symptoms are similar, and those weeks were pure horror to me. Of course my HA got even worse after this.
I also want to get rid of this anxiety, it takes so much energy from me when I get it...

[cathycrumble]

Hi Everyone

Ok so I know this is a bant, I'm so sick of having HA! This year I'm going to do my nest to conquer all my fears so I can hopefully eliminate this from my system.*

After having my son 4 years ago and starting the pill again within 3 months I started having bleeding between each cycle- heavy! Got to the point I used to wear tampons everyday just incase I got caught out. this was going on until I stopped the pill October 2011....I've ignored every smear reminder scared of CC (part of me thinks it was the pill).

Two years ago I was perfectly happy although I grew up surrounded by depression, alcoholism, OCD...you name it...seems to run in the family.*
I've always had a constant fear of dying especially of HIV I have no understanding why but it was so bad i even declined a PIA test during both of my pregnancies.*
Anyhow, two years ago my husband went away to work out of the country for over a month, my dog got flees (bad, big time) and was working as well as taking care of my son...the stress was overwhelming. In the space of 3 weeks my eyebrow started to thin and circles of bald patches were happening all over my scalp....DR GOOGLE said could be this and that including bad health problems....so the fear started, went to the doctor and had blood tests (sitting in the hospital waiting room making sure they wernt doing an HIV test...they wern't) came back fine said its stress.*

1 year later hair grown back pretty happy but with small anxiety symptoms arising, high BP etc. My husband yet again had to go away (army) to Afghan. I was just about coping but the symptoms were getting worse...then bam....two men at the door saying he had been shot and was being operated on over there, no further information.*
He finally got sent home two weeks later and I fell pregnant with my second child. Within 3 months my hair started to fall out again, this time luckily only 2 or 3 spots of which one was quite large.*

I've tried Citalopram which was awful, like being on an ecstasy tablet, then on Sertraline for 5 weeks which was the same. I have been cold turkey off the Sertraline for about 7-8 weeks now and feel better but I've been having really bad chest pains left right you name it.....my husband doesn't understand and thinks I'm mental, literally! I'm fed up with being scared all the time....I'm sick of laying in bed at night for hours thinking it's my last and I won't wake up.*

I've had virus after virus since the beginning of December and I now seem to have a throat infection which is keeping me up at night from the coughing.*

I'm going to book a Smear test next week and talk to the nurse requesting that I dont have to wait too long to go in as I may bottle it...I'm not brave enough to do a PIA test yet but I'm hoping to get there.*

Fact is my doctor doesn't know I've come off the meds yet, I'm going to tell him I'm not interested and need to sort this in other ways.....Tonight husbands working so chest pains, dizziness bad..I always get when alone with the children in the house....prove won't sleep tonight, I WANT TO CHANGE!*

If you have read this, thank you...I would really like to hear others stories of how this started for them....

Xxx:hugs:

Very sorry to hear of the problems you have been through. I have had few probs the last 2 years. and I also was told I had borderline BP. And that is my big fear now as I have developed white coat syndrome and it is on my mind constantly although I have been told it is ok now I take one tablet for it. I was wandering how you managed your BP and does it bother you?

Cathy xx

[MaryMac]

I wish you all the best, may we ALL beat this hellish thing. It's no way to live.
My story is a bit long so will try to keep as short as possible. As a child I was fearless. Nothing phased me. Nothing except one thing. Vomit. When I was 4 years old, I got a stomach bug and vomited for the first (and only so far!!!) time in my life. It started a lifelong phobia but I wasn't so bothered with it unless I was actually faced with it. But as I got older if I heard of someone being sick or a stomach bug going around, I'd take crazy panic attacks because I didn't want to catch it. I also started taking panic attacks at school, church, anywhere and got agoraphobia. My mum and dad took me to every therapist under the sun and I eventually beat it and basically had a great life for a few years! Until I turned 21. For some reason my emetophobia (vomit fear) began to overtake me so much that I stopped eating and basically had a breakdown. I ended up in a residential therapy centre for 6 weeks where I learnt CBT and it started to help. As I was coming to the end of my course however, my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It had been caught early and her prognosis was excellent. It really gave me a kick up the backside that I needed. My problems sunk into insignificance and all my focus was on my mother as hers had always been on me.
Towards the end of her chemo, which she had been fantastic throughout, not even very ill, we found that the cancer had spread to her liver and she died 2 days later. I promised her that I wouldn't be scared anymore. After her death, I always felt like she was with me. I got a fantastic job travelling the world and my anxiety was pretty much non existant (unless I had to fly somewhere but I can deal with that!) :)
Several years have passed and like I said my anxiety had pretty much gone. However, last year I lost 2 aunts fairly suddenly and close together, I was very close to them both. In September I'd had a tooth abcess for a while but hadn't done much about it. It started getting worse and painful. I started googling and one thing led to another, next thing the abcess was spreading to my brain etc. The anxiety was terrible. However, I got the tooth out and it's all healed well. But the day after I got the tooth out, I lost my grandmother, again whom I was close to. On the day of her funeral I came down with a cold/flu virus and it took several weeks to shake the cough. I started googling again and for some reason convinced myself I have leukemia, and I feel like I've developed the symptoms of it since I googled it. I KNOW it's in my head but I'm still so scared. I spent a month basically having a breakdown, freaking out, not eating, shaking, not going out.... I feel slightly better about it now but tonight I found a white lump on my tonsil and of course now I'm preparing my funeral.
It's a horrible thing and I hope we can all overcome it.
Hope this wasn't too long! :)

[karentia]

i wanna change too ! ive had HA all my life(32yrs) but u know what ? i only realised 2weeks ago it was HA !!! i knew i had general anxiety but it wasnt until stumbled across these sorts of forums i thought omg thats me !!!!! i knew i worried far to much but never really put 2&2 together . i had 7weeks of CBT but in a group so havent felt any benefits . im starting councilling next week for 6 sessions so fingers crossed i will be able to chat about my HA there an mayb get some more CBT in the future