Death of a pet, finding it hard to cope

[louise123_uk]

My beloved pet cockatiel passed away last Wednesday at just over 18 and a half years of age and I have been devestated ever since.... I got her when I was about 8 so I cant remember alot of what life was even like without her. She was so loving and so much fun and I just cant get my head around that she'l never sit on my shoulder again or do cute little things. She was fit as a fiddle up until a year ago when she started having some breathing probs, but medicine from the vet helped alot, although she could never fly very far in the last year and in recent months banged into things a couple of times when flying, but she still had a great quality of life despite the flying probs and was very happy, active and loving and got alot out of life. Last week however she banged into a wall and when we picked her up she had a little bit of blood on her and then she just keeled over and died! We spent ages rubbing her thinking she would wake up but she never did..... We wrapped her in satin and placed her in a little box with letters and pics of us and buried her in the garden where she has a halogen light to mark out her grave

Its been a week and I am just so depressed, I know this may seem an overeaction tothe death of a pet but she really was a member of the family :-( Its just so scary how your life can be turned upside down in the blink of an eye :-( I have had the worst new year ever, am back at work today and just wish could go back to bed

I think one of the things that makes it even harder is apart from my parents who are also really upset (even my dad has been crying alot and he isnt the type of man who cries openly). My boyfriend is trying to be supportive but deep down im sure he thinks im pathetic

[Alabasterlyn]

I am sorry to hear about your little cockatiel, I don't think it's an overreaction at all. It's hard to lose a pet, be it a dog, cat or a bird. I used to have a cockatiel some years ago and we lost her when she flew out of an open door. I cried for days as I felt so guilty that I had left a door open and I knew she wouldn't be able to survive in the wild. I also keep chickens in the back garden and in the last year have lost 2 of them to illness. Both times it's been really awful and even my other half was upset too. It does get better with time, although I am sure right now you can't see beyond the grief that you feel :hugs:

[pinkdove]

So sorry to hear about the loss of your pet.

And you are not overreacting at all, our pets become part of our life, and their love is unconditional, so it is natural you will grieve their loss.

I know this won't help but time will heal, but at the moment what you are feeling is so normal, i know how you feel, i never thought i would get over the loss of my pet, but you come to accept it, and start to remember all the happy, fun times you had together, and the good life you gave them. take care x

[PanchoGoz]

Hey,
I don't know if this helps (or if its a bit insensitive :unsure:) but when my pets died, I would go and get another one straight away. Thats the thing with animals, you love them to bits and are distraught when they die, but to bring new life back into your home is the best way of coping in my opinion. Fill that gap in your life straight away with a kitten or a guinie pig! Remember, for everything that dies, another is born from the ashes :)
Take care, I really hope you get through your grief swiftly x

[pinkdove]

Hey,
I don't know if this helps (or if its a bit insensitive :unsure:) but when my pets died, I would go and get another one straight away. Thats the thing with animals, you love them to bits and are distraught when they die, but to bring new life back into your home is the best way of coping in my opinion. Fill that gap in your life straight away with a kitten or a guinie pig! Remember, for everything that dies, another is born from the ashes :)
Take care, I really hope you get through your grief swiftly x
I think that is soo nice, it took me a wee while but i got another wee yorkie when mine died, thought i would never love another one the same, but she is my world , and you are right, to give a home to another loving animal is a great thing to do, and the love you get in return is so worth it.

i don't think it's insensitive, i think it mked perfect sense in time x

[D47C]

Personally I can't imagine life without my dog. When it dies or whatever it will be like losing an arm. The point is hoping you are coping.
You get used to things I guess I still miss my cat from 15 years ago though. Had 2 since I didn't particulary care for.
Anyhow life goes on and I hope you are surviving.

[haz]

I don't think you're overreacting either. Even my Psychiatrist said that the death of a pet is a big thing. I'm still not over losing my dog who sadly passed away just over two years ago, I had her for 9 years, she slept in my bed with me.

It's real bereavement and certainly nothing to be ashamed of.

So sorry for your loss.

Kind regards.

Haz.x

[theharvestmouse]

Sorry to hear about your cockateil, I know how it feels to lose a pet, and 18 1/2 years is a long time to have her. When I lost my dog it took months for it to really sink in and I was so upset. Last week one of my hens died and that also really upset me.:weep:

Hope the pain goes away soon, and you will always have the memories of her.

:)

[louise123_uk]

Thanks for the words of support, it makes me a feel comforted a bit to know that other people feel the loss of an animal so profoundly as well. I have stopped crying all the time now, I only cry occassionally when i allow myself to think about her alot. It does make me ache to think Il never be able to stroke her or even see her again, I'd empty my bank account in a hearbeat for one more day but sadly death doesnt work like that and it makes me want to scream that its something I have little control of. I think I'l always miss her, but I do have comfort knowing she was loved and very very happy throughout her whole life.

[Stormsky]

My dog died neally 5yrs ago, he was my best friend, and have tears as i type now... i miss him still....
im really sorry for your loss, and i know how it feels.....:hugs:

[MargaretHale]

There's no shame in feeling this way- pets are part of the family. Part of my recovery has been the dog that ypartner adopted. He's helped me massively with my agorahobia and because he's been so poorly treated, he's as nervous as I am around people. Sometimes when I'm alone and feeling really low, I'll have a good sob onto his neck and he never tells me to 'stop being silly' or 'calm down'.
I'm so sorry about your cockatiel, only you know what's best-to get another or to wait a while. Remember all the fun he gave you.

xx

[Rain]

Hi Louise,

I’m very sorry to hear of the loss of your pet, and of how it has impacted your family. We have frequently taken on older dogs from the rescue centre and so they were not with us for as long as we would have wished and that has been very sad. I also lost my dog that I had for 14 years in May 2010.

One way I found that was nice to remember him was to buy one of those large frames that hold half a dozen photos and fill it with our favourite photos of him. Every time I see this I am reminded that he had a happy life with us.

I think, when you are ready, a lovely tribute to him would be to open your home to another pet. There are so many pets in rescue centres desperately needing loving homes. The new pet will never replace the lost one in your heart, but I’m sure you have lots of love to give.

I read once of a man who ‘died’ on the operating table for a few minutes and then was resuscitated and came back to life. He said that when he was ‘on the other side’ all the dogs of his life ran to greet him. That is a lovely image that has stayed with me.

Giving a pet a loving home is so rewarding and will help you more than you realise.

[Stormsky]

One way I found that was nice to remember him was to buy one of those large frames that hold half a dozen photos and fill it with our favourite photos of him. Every time I see this I am reminded that he had a happy life with us.

I read once of a man who ‘died’ on the operating table for a few minutes and then was resuscitated and came back to life. He said that when he was ‘on the other side’ all the dogs of his life ran to greet him. .

I have a huge glass clip frame, with pics of my dog, along with a poem and a cutting of his hair...it hangs in my utility room, lovely reminder of his 10yrs with me...
re all the dogs coming to greet that man, this is Rainbow bridge, where pets wait for us.......

[cheryl foster]

i had a dobermann 5 years ago..he died at 11 months old from a blood disorder..i literally cried non stop for weeks..he was an amazing dog..on top of that i had to battle with the breeder and kennel club because the breeder turned out to breeding in the wrong way..i was mentally exhausted..people called me stupid..but my opinion is.. i have more respects for animals than alot people i know..people can be evil..what does a pet do so wrong? just wants love..so its not silly to be devastated when a pet dies.:winks:

[neroo]

I had a cane corso that i had to put down due to hip problems .. losing a pet is always hard
But having one for 18yrs and then losing them must be even more heart breaking

[cheryl foster]

boo! i answered on the other post:shades:

[niteshade]

I too am having a hard time with the loss of my cat. He has been my companion for 16 years. He got sick this past week and I took him to see his vet. They gave him antibiotics for a tooth infection and some ointment for an eye problem that seemed to come up over night. The vet checked him over and said he seemed ok other than those few things and that the antibiotics should help him alot. Well I took him home and he seemed to get a little better after a few days but on Friday he just stopped getting up and going to his food or his litter box unless I carried him to those things he just sat and stared at me. I decided to go and see the vet again on Friday and on the way just 2 blocks from home he went into a heart attack in my arms. It was so horrible not being able to do anything for him during those few minutes. I tried everything I knew and nothing helped him so I just hugged him close and at the last minute he calmed and looked up into my eyes and purred for a minute then drifted off and died in my arms.
I cant get those last minutes out of my mind. The suffering and then just drifting away from me. I cant quit crying and I dont want to go anywhere. I dont see how I am going to get over this it hurts me so badly. I feel like I missed some sign that he was trying to give me that he was sicker than I knew and that I should have taken him back sooner than I did.
I dont know how to get on with life right now everything is sad. He was my buddy. I talked to him about everything now he is gone and part of my heart with him. My family think that I am over reacting but I dont know how else to act and I try to put on a good face for them but its so hard. Am I crazy to hurt so much for him? I dont know. I just know I feel such an empty place in my heart right now. I feel panicked and anxious. Is this normal?

[redroseart]

I think that is soo nice, it took me a wee while but i got another wee yorkie when mine died, thought i would never love another one the same, but she is my world , and you are right, to give a home to another loving animal is a great thing to do, and the love you get in return is so worth it.

i don't think it's insensitive, i think it mked perfect sense in time x

hello my little dog died a month ago and cannot come to terms with my grief she meant everything to me she followed me everywhere and came to bed with me every night although i only had her for four months i knew her for 3 years. she belonged to my sons girlfriend and she came to live with me. i suffer with anxiety and depression and she made me better.

[Daisy Sue]

hi Louise, you're not over-reacting, and it's not pathetic. it's grief, and loss, and there's nothing abnormal about feeling that, whether it's a person or a pet...

my beautiful little cat got run over when i was a teenager, i loved that cat, she went everywhere with me... i grieved for 3 weeks solid, didn't stop crying, even lost my job at the time over it - and that was way before i ever had anxiety issues. so - it's normal.

just be proud that you gave your pet such a long and loving life within your family, and keep the nice memories at the forefront of your mind.

[ammiemum]

i hope this helps , it helped me ,when i was feeling so sad at the loss of shay a friends horse that i knew for 6months only but he was my only real connection with life at that time and he was all mine [as my friend said ,if she stood naked and covered in carrots, he would walk past her to get to me! so gentle and so very special..]i loved him .
Anyway, i was told all things that we all say to try to help and they are true -just not enough ...then was told that it isn't who or what the lost one is it is the space they have filled in our daily life that is so huge sometimes ..but this sort of freed me to mourn for him without feeling guilty ish -it was odd because i was soon able to rejoin the world a bit and it has only been through shay that i learned of unconditional love, respect and trust. He taught me to ride and i had not been in the slightest interested in horses before him....i still shed a tear for him but do not need to hide it and it is just becauuse i am grateful for what he gave me and i miss him but it is not crippling as it first was ..i too have pics etc the memories are good, funny etc now.

[KeeKee]

i had a dobermann 5 years ago..he died at 11 months old from a blood disorder..i literally cried non stop for weeks..he was an amazing dog..
:

I know this is an old post but I know the feeling. My bullmastiff had to be put down (probably about 10 years ago now) due to tetanus. He was only about 3. Even now I still shed a tear on occasion especially when I sit and think of those last days and the image of him struggling to eat due to the effects of lockjaw.
We have 3 cats now and they are ours (Clyde was when I still lived with parents) and I'd hate anything to happen to them.
I have wanted another bullmastiff now for about 4 years but I have a 6 year old daughter and am a little scared.