View Full Version : chest and ear infection.. does this mean death?
duke246810
05-01-12, 23:23
Im seeing the doc for a chest and ear infection, do I have a large chance of dying? I developed this after a cold. Also will antibiotics work or make it worse? Also I was just laying in bed and now rreally worried because I got a horrible pain in my throat on ththe riright sside and theres a lump not a gland though im so scared to sleep incase i die as im finding it hard to breathe to. X
No Beth this is normal. Sometimes colds cause infections. after mine i had an ear, sinusm throat.
Anti biotics make u feel rotten the 1st couple of days before it starts fighting the infection of.
The lump could be a gland and this is again is very very very common with an infection.
duke246810
05-01-12, 23:31
Oh no :,( im scared to have the anti biotics emma, what if I don't respond to them, im so petrified.
Theres more than one. theres several and there very good/safe. trust me beth i could not move with my infection and they were like a miracle to me.
after u finish the course of pills u may still have syptoms but mine took a month to go away after the pills n tnat is normal xx
duke246810
05-01-12, 23:43
But it can cause meningitus and stuff, I just know im going to die from this, I know it :( xx
nomorepanic
05-01-12, 23:44
Duke - we are back to the dying thing again aren't we? Why do you feel that everything you have has to end in death when people have these things all the time?
anti-biotics will work and you need to take them
no need to worry about death beth
i couldn't speak when i had mine lol. i was fine- you will be to
get some rest tonight x
my doc said leave it 3 days see if body clears it on its on b4 trying pills. it got worse so i took them- it took a week then weeks after to feel 100 % but they helped a lot
duke246810
05-01-12, 23:50
I can't help it, I just think that even though loads of people have these things, what makes me one of them that will get through it, what's to say im not going to die, there is always a chance. Im sorry Nicola I can't help it, I agree I need help but I dont know how to get it. Will the antibiotics make me really ill? I think im scared because someone said to me on hhere oonce that flu and colds are only fatal if you develop a secondary infection and dont responds to the antibiotics :( x
you will respond. they make u feel bad the 1st few days but thats them doing there job then they make u feel better but with my infection i couldn't type or grab my pc i just laid all day crying it hurt so much if you can type beth it is ok. take them its ok x
nomorepanic
05-01-12, 23:56
I suggested some things to help but you won't listen to me so not sure what else I can to be honest.
People die all the time and you are going to die at some point so just accept it and your life would be much easier.
All this stress is really really not good for you to be honest and is detrimental to your well being so you are making yourself ill
duke246810
05-01-12, 23:59
Do you be sick and things? :( x
---------- Post added at 23:59 ---------- Previous post was at 23:56 ----------
Nicola, please tell me what I can do again, I promise I will listen. I will do anything to get rid o this. My councellor seems to think im ok and having my last ssession in a few weeks. They said if i get worse to ring them, but i just feel embarrest, I don't know why, I get so embarrest. :( x
nomorepanic
06-01-12, 00:07
Duke - I wish you all the best for the future but I won't reply to any more of your posts and just let you get on with it
Take care
duke246810
06-01-12, 00:11
Ok Nicola than you for replying to my others. I'll try not to post on here anymore. Im just going to have to try and work out how to make myself better, im living in misery at the moment. Bye everyone x.
nomorepanic
06-01-12, 00:23
I did not say you had to leave or not post. It is making me anxious and frustrated replying to you so I am just saying that I won't reply but others will.
duke246810
06-01-12, 00:50
I never meant to make others feel anxious, I know you didn't ask me to not post, but its my own decision, sometimes I find it helps me quite abit not to post sometimes, probably wont last long lol, but will try :) thanks x
Duke. I totally understand your fears.... and Nicola... I totally understand your frustration. Unfortunately... the constant need for reassurance that you will not die, is part of Health Anxiety... and someone telling you that everyone dies, though factual, will not make a person in this situation feel better. Health Anxiety is primarily about the fear your health has been compromised and the outcome is out of your control. Persistent death fears are very common in this arena.
Saying you will no longer post because it frustrates you Nicola, will likely make Duke, (and indeed myself as a health anxiety sufferer with irrational death fears), feel like a lost cause. It seems an odd action from an administrator of a support group, commenting in a health anxiety forum. If we cannot come to you and voice our fears.... we are alone. As annoying as repeated posts might be... you guys are our lifeline. If we could be rational and stop our worrying so easily, it would not be health anxiety.
No offence, but your retraction of support, even if it is support that is ignored Nicola, is not only contradictory of the pure definition of the purpose of your site, but also an implication that we are allowed to suffer so long as its not at the expense of your frustration threshold. As tiring as reassurance giving might be, its certainly not as tiring as being the person who spends every living moment fearing their own death.
Just an opinion. I dont mean to offend anyone. I just know I personally would have felt defeated by your response Nicola, especially with you being a representative of the cause.
nomorepanic
07-01-12, 00:34
I wasn't going to reply again but just saw this on the "active topic" list
My frustration comes from many angles to be honest. We have had trolls on here before that take the mickey and post constantly over and over and take delight in seeing how much attention they can get before they are caught out.
Duke posts every day or so saynig that she will be dead by tomorrow cos of this and that.
Life is very very important to me cos of my health issues and it not only frustrates me but infuriates me that someone can waste their life worrying about such trivial things when others on here have so much more to worry about.
I created NMP to help people with panic attacks and nothing more to be honest.
Things have gone way way beyond that and now members expect instant replies and diagnosis.
If I am honest then I don't like what NMP has become and was going to post about it anyway.
I have to decide how to take this forward but for now I cannot reply to Duke as she is on a path of self destruction and I can't help her
Well,as they say... you can't quantify pain Nicola. Others may suffer in different ways, but you cant say one more than the other because of how YOU perceive their importance or significance. It is a shame you do not like your own creation. I do believe the support I have had from likewise health anxiety sufferers since my mum passed away in 2008 has in many ways saved my life. So I believe if you are the creator, it is you I should thank personally for saving me.
You dont have to help everyone. Ive often found it to be the case that if you dont know how to help, dont say anything... because with many/most anxiety conditions, you have to walk on eggshells to a certain extent, as I am sure you are well aware that dodging the many likely triggers is like walking blind in a minefield.
Whether posts are for attention of from fear... how can you know for sure? I went through a phase of posting every day at one point... because every day I thought I was about to die. We know we are wasting our lives, but to imply we can just switch those feelings off implies we suffer out of choice. Nobody would choose fear and pain over happiness.
You my have had a different idea for No More Panic at the outset Nicola, but do not look at it as Frankenstein... look at it as a life raft, without which, many of us would have drowned a long time ago. xxx
nomorepanic
07-01-12, 00:59
Thank You. I think I will walk away from here for a while and re-think things and leave others to reply.
I may come back and see things in a different way or I may come back and decide to completely revamp NMP again - who knows at the moment.
If theres any way I can help, just give me a shout. I know im a nobody, but I spend most of my time here trying to help people on to the next rung of the emotional ladder and helping them cut corners that I spent forever finding out for myself. Do not underestimate the power of your amazing creation. Without this place, nobody would hear our cries.
---------- Post added at 01:43 ---------- Previous post was at 01:14 ----------
and remember your own words:
People will forget what you said
People will forget what you did
But people will never forget how you made them feel
this made me sad reading this, as i thought people understood here, if u ever need any help duke, send me aprivate msg i will do my best to help u :) x
(edit)
sorry decided not to post comment
I'm sad too after reading all this. The fact that the health anxiety forum is so active suggests a real need for it and that it is so wanted by people, I can say personally that it has helped keep me sane of the last few months.
To say that one persons worry is not as relevant as another's is unsupportive in my opinion which is what I thought this forum was about - support, not diagnoses or medical advice.
I actually feel guilty now for the things Ive posted thinking now that ive annoyed some people as my little things are trivial on a big scale.
Isn't this the busiest division of this forum? I can sort of see this from both sides... Maybe just small tweaks like blocking the word "Die" from thread headings could help stop one person's panic from "infecting" a board (although I'm not sure that it even works like that). As for keeping the board safe from trolling well that must be a nightmare job :ohmy: People need support even the people who seem (for now) to be unable to use that support effectively.
This had made me rather cross ..As usual people have taken things wrong and out of perspective here ...The only way a person is going to recover from H/a is to get some CBT .Posting repeatedly on a Anxiety Forum day in and day out only makes it worse .Sometimes the truth hurts .When advice and Support isnt enough as is the case here .Its time to start helping yourself.by NOT GOOGLING and getting yourself some professional help .Its also a good idea to start trusting your GP .if youve been given Medication take it and start being Positive.... .I really hope this Thread isnt going to develop into a slanging match .Nicola has the right to speak and say what she feels like any one else .Reread the whole thread before you comment ,please .Everyone deserves Empathy and Support here .And that goes for People who dont have H/A TOO .....Sue
"but infuriates me that someone can waste their life worrying about such trivial things"
unfortunatly thats what HA does to some/most people that suffer from it :|
But i do agree that some of us INCLUDING ME use this for "diagsnois" and if your really worried the only person that can tell you its nothing or diagonise you is your GP or physican.
Well said Emma ..It would benefit H/A SUFFERERS enormously ,to look into Relaxation /meditation and Deep Breathing skills ..Focusing on something other than your aches and symptoms ,will bring your Anxiety levels down and stop the Cycle it produces .No one denies this is a horrible complaint .But the only person who can truly help you is you-self .You have to step out of the circle you have created and then it gets easier .Sue
I totally agree. Most of the time when people seem to be asking for a diagnoses, they are actually asking for recognition of their irrational fears. More often than not, when we panic, we just want to know that others have panicked over the same things and it doesnt mean something tragic is the only outcome. Some of us only have this place for support. Personally, I live alone and have had no partner for 10 years because of my social anxiety. My mum was my reassurance when it came to my health, but sadly she passed away in 2008, causing my health anxiety as a bereavement complication. I am trying to start a self employed business, because my SA and HA interfered too much when i was working for someone else, so working for myself was my only option. As a result, I have so little money to live on, that usually, I have no credit on mymobile and my landline is disconnected. This means I cannot call NHS direct for help... or my family.... and I have no contact with the outside world other than when i borrow my dads laptop and share my brothers wifi connection from the flat upstairs. NMP, on these occasions, is my ONLY lifeline at night.
I dont think there is much of a way of censoring the posts, because most of our fears in the health anxiety forum are related to death fears... thats the predominant nature of the condition, and usually caused by medical trauma, death of someone close etc...
It would be a great loss to a massive community to change it so that there was no health anxiety forum for us to turn to. I dont think ive ever come to the forums without seeing over 200 people at any given time, actively viewing the posts. This is a good creation. A very good one! If it is too much for NMP because it has become something different to what was intended, then pass it on to someone willing to take on the responsibility.... please dont cut us all adrift.
Sue. Yes i agree.
Last evening i was panicking as i had my hair cut and there hairdresser has a phone call that her 14 year old niece collasped at school and passed away. My heart rate went up for a few hours so i phoned my friend and went for a walk with him and his dog and it really helped :)
Suzy-sue. Please remember, that some of us do have CBT, and don't google....do get professional help and do listen to their GP. Most of us do take our medication and try our hardest to think positive. I, for one, also practice meditation and diaphragm breathing, read self help books, practice EFT and positive affirmations...but that doesnt necessarily equate a cure... or respite. I see no evidence of a slagging match. I spoke out initially due to what I felt to be a lack of empathy and a heavy handed approach from an administrator... it was no character assassination, and I remained articulate and compassionate towards her frustration. I have read the full thread... nobody has slagged anyone or implied they intend to. No harsh words have been spoken. Might I suggest it is you that could do with re-reading, as I think you are jumping on the defensive when the rest of us are just discussing.
nomorepanic
07-01-12, 14:12
It is not about passing it on to someone else - that makes is sound as though I don't care and just want to get rid of it!
It is about making it the place it used to be when people enjoyed visiting. At the moment it is all doom and gloom.
I know of several people who have left because of the way it has changed and that they feel the forum makes them feel even worse when they come on.
All I am saying is that it has changed and when even I (who created it) log on and see post after post about death and dying (when the person isn't) feels this way then I am the only one that can change it if I feel I need to.
I agree with your point Nicola but also disagree at the same time.
I personally don't think one person can decide whether to change it or not but you are the Admin and i respect that.
I also see that this forum is about doom and gloom but then again it is a panic forum.
This is not a personal attack against you as i can see were you are coming from x
I am also guilly of post after post but i can assure you it is because i am in genuine state of panic and sometimes i can't help my self to post. If i wanted to and i do i would post now about how when the dog got up from sitting next to me something dug into me and pocked me (im wearing a knit jumper with holes in it) and now i have a pain there but im trying not to post but it is hard.
---------- Post added at 14:20 ---------- Previous post was at 14:17 ----------
"accept it and your life would be much easier"
I also think this in unfair.
If i didnt worry about death i wouldnt have HA
Im sorry, poor choice of words there Nicola. I in no way meant it to come across as you not caring. I totally understand how you feel. What I mean, is you have inadvertently created something that wasnt intended that is far more vital to a large community than you may have initially realised. Im sure that the ideal would be to have a place where people could come just to calm their nerves and act as a diversion... but whether you intended it to become the way it has or not, you have, maybe accidentally created something many of us depend on, because there is nowhere else doing it.And there is nobody else to turn to. A good suggestion might be to turn No More Panic back into just a panic forum to give people respite from teir worries, and find a new home for the health anxiety sufferers. I think many people dont realise how big a subject health axiety is, and how debilitating it is. I am not referring to anyone who comes to this site, I mean people who do not suffer from the problem and are unaware of it. It is because of this, that you are really speaking, the best resource for us. Have you thought about removing the health anxiety forum entirely with the intention of letting someone else help you find a way of opening a seperate group/site that you can hand over so that it is for a more targeted audience, and doesnt infiltrate the rest of your forums? I am sure there are many of us that would happily put in time to find a way of expanding this area to accommodate our ever increasing needs as a health anxiety support network in its own right... ?
Suzy-sue. Please remember, that some of us do have CBT, and don't google....do get professional help and do listen to their GP. Most of us do take our medication and try our hardest to think positive. I, for one, also practice meditation and diaphragm breathing, read self help books, practice EFT and positive affirmations...but that doesnt necessarily equate a cure... or respite. I see no evidence of a slagging match. I spoke out initially due to what I felt to be a lack of empathy and a heavy handed approach from an administrator... it was no character assassination, and I remained articulate and compassionate towards her frustration. I have read the full thread... nobody has slagged anyone or implied they intend to. No harsh words have been spoken. Might I suggest it is you that could do with re-reading, as I think you are jumping on the defensive when the rest of us are just discussing.
Like I said you ve missed the point Xfilm Not me ...You also missed the point about my suggestions of Relaxation etc ..It would do people like Duke who constantly post day in day out to practice this .Rather than come on here and add fuel to their allready high Anxiety Theres no Cure for Anxiety btw .Its a natural response and can only be reduced and controlled ....Yes I am defensive as I found you and a couple of others rather patronising and rude tbh .But I see you have since apologised for your attitude ..Being articulate is is no defense for arrogance or misinterpretion .......I wont be entering in to a battle of wits with anyone on this. Ive said all. I have to say on the matter . sue
I am finding your response overly aggressive and uncalled for Suzy. I didnt apologise for my attitude. I apologised to Nicola personally for my wrong choice of words... and then reiterated them. Being aggressive is no excuse for feeling patronised. I have said my piece here. I shall comment no further. I have offered my help should Nicola require any input. I have defended and supported my fellow health anxiety suffers. I have not been rude, or cruel or aggressive. I have been diplomatic at all times. I shall now comment no further on this post, for the sole reason that I feel you are contradicting your own standards and instead of preventing a slagging match, you are attempting to encourage one Suzy-Sue. I am a pacifist. Ive no interest in unnecessary conflict. Peace and love to all.... even to you Suzy, despite your hostility toward me, and others you so hastily labelled 'rude'.
Suzy-sue am I one of the ones you meant who was patronising or rude?
nomorepanic
07-01-12, 17:53
I don't want anyone to fall out over this.
I will just keep away from reading posts for now and just deal with the technical issues on here.
I can understand both sides of this.
Unfortunately, we all eventually come to a point in our journey where we have evolved from the initial problems we once faced, when we reach that point, naturally, our empathy for those at the beginning decreases, leaving us feeling less tolerant, which is crap, because when we try to help others, we aren't in that great a position to offer them effective advice and support. We can see the way out, we've improved things, we've found a way to manage our anxieties. And that means people are in different places with their recovery.
For those in the beginning, we were there once ourselves. If we feel less tolerant, if we can't help but say, for goodness sake - this is what you do, go get therapy, etc etc etc, then the best thing to do is to step away. What use is there in throwing that down someone's throat? We all once needed reassurance.
Also, as for NMP not being the place it used to be - perhaps it isn't, however, that is something out of everyone's hands. Everything changes. Everything. Nothing will ever stay same. Yes, if things are heading in the wrong direction, then perhaps we can harness that into another direction. For example, there is too much negativity in the forum? Fair enough, I can see why, why doesn't anyone make a positivity thread in that subforum concerned and make it a stickey thread so it doesn't disappear? If you want the place to be more positive, then we have to contribute to the positiveness. We have to be the change we want to see, right?
Hi
I am so sad to read this as a health anxiety sufferer and hopefully supporter of others here also . The forum now since I joined reflects in its posts the amount of health anxiety on the forum ..............huge amount of posts .
I like others here are health workers but do rarely post answers ..How can any of us ? Just reassure as best we can ....but it is dangerous game over the net when you cannot possibly know .
Nic does not deserve this argument . She like all of us has health worries I am sure and keeps this forum going for us all to debate and help .
Where would we be without her vision of help for us all with anxiety whatever its title ?
snow x
I guess it is hard to keep a forum positive when so many people collected here have general anxiety, depression, self esteem issues, agoraphobia, health anxiety, social anxiety etc. If you try to add a bit of humour to things then it always falls incredibly flat.
I have to admit that I too can see both sides here (looking back through the thread) I have personally felt extraordinarily frustrated recently where repeated advice and reassurance has not been acted upon, but I can't be too critical as many years ago that could have been me and my family delivering the advice that I ignored. However, I don't think it was fair to Duke to make the admin response so public ;some of the comments sounded like there was a lack of understanding about aspects of Health Anxiety and mental illness.....BUT.....I also think, for Nicola, it must be draining to keep coming here as an administrator and read so much about morbidphobia and thread after thread of desperation, doom, gloom and misery. I am so Libran ! LOL
What concerns me about NMP is that there are some very severe anxiety cases posting here, and repeated reassurance is sought day in and day out. When such reassurances are given it does not necessarily benefit those people as professional advice is not sought and real life skills are not being built in cbt or coping strategies.
Could some sort of NMP ' informal policy' be formed, whereby if the severity of the symptoms are on the level of showing serious mental illness (which is consistent over a long period of time) and a severe negative effect on the community as a whole occurs, then a person is kindly advised to seek medical assistance/specialist help ? I know this involves making lay-person judgements, but it would ultimately benefit the sufferer more too. It is a fine line between a forum being a support group and a forum becoming the only place where some sufferers come and get diagnoses or all their needs met in terms of mental health or medical advice.
Maybe I am being too radical ? Just a thought....
well said wolfie ^^
It makes me feel a little sad and frustrated that all these arguments are happening recently because the admins are getting frustrated with a lot of people who misuse the site. I feel Nicola's frustration that too many of the threads of this anxiety and panic attack forum are now for seeking quick diagnoses in the name of anxiety. I wouldn't like it if my own site turned into something I hadn't planned.
Harsh as it sounds, I think the emotions and ways of dealing with a problem should be dealt with, NOT solving the problems it exaggurates. But when can we stop a forum on a mental disorder crossing over into a forum on dealing with general life problems, regardless of a diagnosed disorder?!
I prefer to see admins as unshakeable deities in a way. I feel a little scared if admins are getting personally involved in things. That shouldn't happen. So...
...perhaps a staff discussion is in order? If you don't want people using this place as an outlet for health anxiety, change the site or change the rules. You can use the rules and guidelines as a tool to help anxiety like CBT would give you rules eg no googling can't you? Perhaps a counter on "unhelpful posts" or a sanction on using a certain forum too much? I don't know really...just trying to think of ideas...
Duke: sorry we're stealing your thread as a discussion/argument and I don't usually join these :blush: but as a top contributor, maybe you can tell us what stops your anxiety most effectively? Posting or not posting about your worries?
This is certainly a unique website. Has its dark side at the moment, but unique.
---------- Post added at 21:13 ---------- Previous post was at 21:11 ----------
Could some sort of NMP ' informal policy' be formed, whereby if the severity of the symptoms are on the level of showing serious mental illness (which is consistent over a long period of time) and a severe negative effect on the community as a whole occurs, then a person is kindly advised to seek medical assistance/specialist help ? I know this involves making lay-person judgements, but it would ultimately benefit the sufferer more too.
Yes - thats what im thinking, its not too radical at all imo. Just some minor changes may change this site a lot.
EmmerLooeez
07-01-12, 21:23
I am afraid that I'm guilty of posting far too often for constant reassurance, but it is not like I am not helping myself either. I didn't see the problem in asking for reassurance in the HA section. That is what most of us do, we ask for help and we provide help for others. NMP has been my only means of reassurance many a time and, in no small way, I have this site to thank for my sanity.
I feel sad that all this is going on, too. I had no idea, I just thought this was how this forum was - there are so many people here that depend on each other and I don't think it would be fair to change it now or cast anyone aside.
I agree with both sides here, I did feel that what Nicola said was a little bit insensitive, but nobody's thinking about how she's feeling here. It's not going to be an easy job running this place, have you seen how many of us there are? She is bound to feel frustrated sometimes, Nicola is the reason that we're all here. I've met some pretty amazing people on this site and when everything boils down, we only have her to thank. I think that she should be shown more respect.
Pancho: "I prefer to see admins as unshakeable deities in a way. I feel a little scared if admins are getting personally involved in things. That shouldn't happen."
I do agree with you there, I'd rather see admins in the same way, the thing you have got to consider is that we're all only human and as Nicola said herself, she didn't intend NMP to be like it is now.
Duke- I don't think you should stop posting if reassurance is helping you to gain composure. I think you need professional help.
Everyone here offers advice, but there is no point in doing so if they are going to be ignored. I think this is another thing Nicola is trying to say. I haven't seen all of the posts concerned, so I can't comment - and i don't think anyone else should.
Yes, good point Emmer, the effect that it has on other members when their repeated input is ignored can not be under estimated. Everyone understands why it happens, the mental health issues behind the need for reassurance, but it has to be understood that so many people are struggling here with a variety of problems and when they do their best to help out another human being and time and time again it makes no difference at all, not even a molecule of difference from month to month... Then that 'forum relationship' isn't helping anyone.
Good luck with sorting this one out Nicola and admins, not an easy task. :ohmy:
duke246810
07-01-12, 22:53
Hello everyone,
I didn't mean for any of this to happen, I was in a state of panic and im apologize for my acsessvie posting. I want to mention to you all I have been having cbt and my councellor seems to think I am better, so im lost, this site is my life line, but then again I dint understand how it is getting out of hand at times. I feel like my life is going downhill right now, im 17 years old and im severely depressed with a extremely bad mental illness, and i am making my physical self very I'll to. Im very unsure what im supposed to do right now, but i do listen to advice and I try so hard but nothing is helping me, I just want to live. Sorry again to everyone for this. Than you for reading and thankyoi everyone for your help. X
---------- Post added at 22:53 ---------- Previous post was at 22:52 ----------
Do understand that was meant to say.
nomorepanic
07-01-12, 23:57
I just want to say that I am sorry if I upset anyone at all with what I said. People that really know me will know that I am very caring and not an unkind person at all and what I said was out of frustration.
It was just that I can't bear to see people constantlly posting saying this and that is going to kill them when it clearly isn't and yet I have to live with an uncertain future with my own health with heart failure and Crohn's.
As I said though I will not be posting on NMP (except technical issues and a few other posts that I am dealing with) until I feel in a more positive frame of mind.
If I did upset you then I am sorry.
reading at some of the earlier posts id like to post again, u have no clue what ur on about when u say bla bla bla ur not supposed to be on here u should be on CBT.. No i beat anxiety with this website, so can other people (with the time and effort that people gave to me when i was at my lowest) i have countless positives about this website, but now im seeing negatives... im dissapointed.this website can save lives literally, i dont know where i would be if i never found this, just remember that everyone suffers in different ways so just try and respect that its easy :).
AHhhh, feel another long post coming on....:roflmao:
The bottom line is that you are both unwell, Nicola physically and Duke mentally.
Duke - hiyer - I think what will help you is when, over a period of time, the things you fear just don't happen. Note down a list of the times you think/say you are dying...and then the next morning when you are alive, tick it off to show it didn't happen!!! If necessary go through all the threads on here that you have made and list all the illnesses and dates you were going to die and then tick them all - as you ARE still here :winks: Then when the next thing comes up that makes you think you are near to death, look through the list and remind yourself (out loud if necessary) that all the previous things were minor and not serious, this one will be too.
I know you are 'listening', but you are unable to act on the advice at the moment, it is not actually believed and being internalised even though you are 'hearing' it. That is the nature of the illness, the nature of the fear and mental state you are in right now. All the reassurance we give doesn't actually make a difference because you are not building the skills to reassure and rationalise yourself.
__________________________________________________ ___
Nicola - I hope you are doing ok, I'm sorry you are so unwell, I didn't realise. I think you are right not to post at the moment, you need strength yourself and to feel emotionally strong to fight in your own life. I know where your frustration is borne of; I currently care for a close family member who is terminally ill and has little quality of life and incredibly complex health problems. I also work with some teenagers who are close to losing their lives (not the same problems that you have, and not saying you are terminally ill either), so when you see fit healthy teenagers in comparison, who are not living their lives, it makes it hard to bear. You want to metaphorically give people 'a good shake'. In real life, even the most tolerant people 'lose their temper' with anxiety sufferers at some point, it is draining to try and help and make no difference.
You have been trying to offer support to countless anxiety sufferers on-line, and as we know, anxiety is a 'selfish' state (before anyone shouts at me, I don't mean people are trying to be selfish, just that they are unable to see past themselves and their problems, when they are ill and consumed with them) Add to that the fact that many people come here when they are absolutely at their lowest and you have some pretty intense stuff going on. No wonder you are worn out with it.
Maybe this can be the legacy of this thread....a small insight into the effect that these awful conditions can have on those around the sufferer ?
One of the reasons the HA section of the site is one of the busiest is that people post the same things and worries every day, often every hour. Yes, I know this is sometimes the nature of the illness, and that people want reassurance, but the other side is when someone constantly posts, and you tell them the sort of help they need to get, and they say 'yes ok I'll do that' then completely ignore any advice, and are back the next day with the same posts, it is very frustrating.
I think this is more what Nic was getting at, that she was getting frustrated saying the same thing over and over and being ignored, so would find it easier just not to post, as it isnt doing any good.
People do need to remember the staff on this site are all volunteers, and all sufferers, they are not medically qualified, and have their own lives and problems, so their 'job' isn't to reply to every post and reassure everyone, it is to keep the general site running smoothly ( most of our time on here is dealing with spammers, technical problems etc.... ) rather than being personal counsellors to people.
When it comes to answering posts, giving advice, support etc... the staff are exactly the same as any other site users.
this is why I think admins should stick to answering threads that they know only their experience of admins can solve! They can leave the frustrating posts to us and still fulfil their roles.
I think it is great that the admins are down wid da kidz as they say and the site is unique in that admins are sufferers as well, which makes the help they give so much more personal, but they might review their roles as admins to ensure they don't get too stressed perhaps.
When I said "unshakeable deities", I meant admins on some other forums tend to just sort out arguments with copied and pasted advice or relays of the site rules without becoming personally involved.
Anyway, good to see intial argument is over.
venusbluejeans
08-01-12, 21:52
NMP was set up by Nic to help panic attack and anxiety sufferers as she herself was a sufferer along with all of the other admins, so I am puzzled as to why them giving advice and help on ANY post should be discouraged. Their advice is just as pertinent as anyone else’s. I am sure that when Nic set up NMP it was so SHE could help sufferers and provide a community where others could join in and help too, not for her to sit back and watch and pay for something that she was unable to join in with just because she was an ‘admin’
Not trying to be argumentative just trying to voice my point in the whole thing.
moirascott
09-01-12, 01:05
I wasn't going to reply again but just saw this on the "active topic" list
I created NMP to help people with panic attacks and nothing more to be honest.
Things have gone way way beyond that and now members expect instant replies and diagnosis.
If I am honest then I don't like what NMP has become and was going to post about it anyway.
I have to decide how to take this forward but for now I cannot reply to Duke as she is on a path of self destruction and I can't help her
I am relatively new to this site and Im sorry for bumping this post up. However to be honest I can understand where Nicola is coming from.
I look at the forum each day and I see that the health anx section of the forum is very, very busy.
Now I dont wish to rock the boat here this is not my intention, however I do think that people need to check posts that have already been posted. See what replies are there, before making another post with whatever symptoms they have. I would bet a fiver that someone will have posted previously with the same symptoms, fears and negativity.
By all accounts I understand that it costs money to run this site, to which it does not help posting, posting and posting. I am sure that if we all checked prev posts and the sub forums and the help sections before posting we would find an answer to all our fears.
The site actually states, do not give medical advice, no one is a doctor on here and even though we all have different fears, worries, it is normally down to anxiety/depression whatever the fears are.
I do not suffer from health anx and I can quite understand why the owner (Nic) has got quite upset about this. I have read her blog and I have done my research and from what I can gather it has been a worrying past for Nicola with her health issues etc and as stated in previous posts the site originally was set up to cover panic attacks and anxiety/depression because Nicola had gone through this.
I guess I am rambling now, however guys please read prev posts before posting there is some good advice/experiences on here that have been very informative to me.
Moira
You'll be fine- thank goodness for antibiotics!
I think when it comes down to it, whether it was the intention to give health anxiety sufferers a place to run to or not, I think this site has established the enormity of the problem Health Anxiety presents to those of us who are suffering from the condition, worldwide, which in itself is a massive accomplishment, as it often goes unrecognised. I personally think that the complexities of the condition, and the effect on the sufferer due to the constant fear their body/health is in jeopardy, is possibly a problem that should be separated from other panic/anxiety conditions. This is only a personal opinion, based on my own experiences. I have suffered from anxiety all my life, and have found it manageable using conventional techniques such as CBT, relaxation techniques, counselling, self help etc, but with health anxiety, its seem to have it's own set of rules. The fear brings a need for reassurance, but even reassurance can be no guarantee. I think it is this emotional 'Catch 22' that Health Anxiety Sufferers can not easily deal with. This is the reason I feel perhaps now it needs to be separated from the site in some way, so that it can be catered for in a more specialist environment, bearing in mind the needs of people with this specific condition.
I can see both sides... I really can. But the fact this has organically grown outside of the original intentions means perhaps now it is time to consider all options of 're-homing' the specific Health Anxiety part of No More Panic. No More Panic has done a commendable job of bringing us all together... now its just a matter of finding the best way for all, to progress. Have any of the admins reading this thought up any possible solutions whereby the Health Anxiety Sufferers are still catered for, perhaps not by the No More Panic site? If this was a viable soution, I am sure my fellow HA sufferers would also encourage it (correct me if Im wrong), because as difficult as it is for admins, and people who dont suffer the condition to the extent of some of us do, it can be very scary when looking for HA reassurance to have an unexpected response from a non sufferer who inadvertently triggers new anxieties unbeknownst to them, because they are frustrated by our neediness :P An unexpected response has on occasion, set me back months. Separating them would also be a form of protection on both sides. The non HA sufferers would not feel frustration by the need for reassurance and the HA sufferers would not have to worry about becoming an annoyance to anyone because of their frequent posts. Does anyone have an idea of what the options are in this situation? Im not very tech savvy, or else Id make a more constructive suggestion of setting up a separate forum or chat room to divert them to, either part of your site, or run by someone else.
A dedicated HA site / forum would be a good idea, but the costs would be a lot. If someone else were to set this up then we could certainly direct people towards it, but NMP paying to run a seperate site, which would then be nothing to do with NMP isnt a viable option really.
Ideally such a site would need to be set up and run by HA and ex HA sufferers, but it does involve an awful lot of work and expense ( due to the amount of posts, members, server space needed etc.. ), and it wouldnt really be possible for the staff of NMP to run and moderate it as there is more than enough to do on here.
Duke.
I've had a cold, chest infection, followed by sinus infection, laryngitis and another chest infection since the 12th December. I am STILL ill. 2 lots of antibiotics (2nd time worked) and it's not nice, no, and i have felt ill for WEEKS now.. but viruses at this time of year are perfectly normal.
Mikewales. Im looking into costs at the moment, and I totally agree with the fact it would need to be run by HA and ex-HA sufferers. Contacting a few other groups to get an idea of what it would take. I only suggested a site that was linked to NMP, because I didnt want any of the administrators to feel that I was implying they just wanted to get rid of us and pass us on to someone who cares more about HA. I managed to put my foot in it the first time around by not choosing my words wisely, but yes, I was essentially implying a non-NMP funded site. I would be interested in persueing this myself if someone might be able to give me guidance as to starting points as to how to go about finding a way of creating a basic forum and small chatroom, or at worst just a basic forum. The issue of replying to the posts does not concern me. Being a HA sufferer myself, Ive found that ..people with HA seem to reply to others as much as they ask for help themselves. Its kind of a self-perpetuating reassurance, because comfoting others makes us feel more saneand reassured that we are not alone. I probably reassure others as much as I ask for reassurance, and from my friendship with many HA suffers, it seems to be the same. Any info you could give me of set up ideas would be appreciated.
Ive googled and there is a lot of information in setting up forums and Chat rooms ..Lots of different websites to help you ..Just
Google
How to set up a Forum and chatroom......
Sue
venusbluejeans
09-01-12, 14:44
I am sure Sue was not being Sarcastic, just giving advice. How about cutting her some slack too?
i did. i deleted the post.
nomorepanic
09-01-12, 15:23
To set up a website the biggest and first concern is where to host it and how much it costs.
NMP costs me around £60 a month as we have dedicated servers that it runs on. We specifically needed this so we had 99.9% complete control over downtime etc.
The forum is Vbulletin which again costs money.
The chat room cost me over $250 + extra for the moderation option which you would not necessarily need.
The setup costs can be quite high but it is the ongoing monthly costs that can also add up.
Of course there are some providers that I think still offer free webspace but I have no idea how much you get and whether the bandwith usage would be a restriction as well.
You also need to pay for the domain name - which varies depending on who you buy it from and whether you use ".com", ".co.uk" etc. We use a company called Easily for ours.
It would be great to have a "No More Health Anxiety" website - e.g. nomoreha.co.uk but at the moment it is not something I personally would want to do for obvious reasons.
nomorepanic
09-01-12, 15:26
As for Pancho's comments that Admins should not reply to posts and only do admin type things - I totally disagree.
thank you Nicola, thats exactly what I was after. Im not worried about domain costs as Ive done all that before and its pretty cheap. I think it might be an idea to start just with a forum. I think the chartoom would be nice longterm, but Ive found that many users rely far more on having access to the posts. I dont really understand the server business. Ill have to get my brother to explain that to me.
Would setting something like this up help you out with workload Nicola? I think allround it would ease a lot of tension and maybe make it all more manageable, as Health Anxiety issues are hard work, but they tend to have a fairly distinctive and repetetive pattern after a while. Im pretty confident I could take it on. Its just the financial side I would need to figure out. But theres always a solution if you put your mind to it. Ill keep looking into how to go about it, and see what I can come up with. x
nomorepanic
09-01-12, 15:39
You can buy Vbulletin licenses for a year at a time I think or buy it outright. We bought it outright in the end cos it was cheaper long term.
Basically you need a computer somewhere that you physically store the website data on. I used to run one on with a company called Bravenet - not sure if they are still doing it for free.
It may be that Alex has space on our servers and can rent some space out for a monthly fee.
I don't know if it would work or not - I guess you can only try it and see. It could be like a sub-site from NMP and members are encouraged to post about HA problems on there rather than here. It would still need a lot of help in setting it up I think though.
I have to go to work now so sorry to cut this short.
Ok, this is now looking like a possibility. My brother has most of what I need. He is going to set up a forum template for me tomorrow for me to use as a kinda prototype and get organised. It should only cost me for getting the domain name. Ill have a play with some ideas and keep you updated. It wont have a chatroom to begin with, but the forum is more important I think. I would jut have to pay extra for bandwidth if there was a lot of traffic, but right now thats not an issue. Ill keep you posted.
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