I'm aa hypochondriac but that doesn't mean I'm not ill

[Halcyon]

So, I'm a self-confessed hypochondriac but there's always the possibility that I am actually very very ill. Increasingly, I'm thinking there's something in my worries.

A few months ago, I woke up with bad chest pains and a pounding heart. It scared the hell out of me but doctors kept reassuring me that it was just anxiety. It turned out that it was a bizarre combination of a chest infection, a minor heart condition (benign supraventricular tachycardia according to my second electrocardogram but my first found nothing) and possible inflammation of my chest wall. The chest infection cleared up, the pain started to go, I started going to a fantastic counsellor who took me seriously when the doctors and my family didn't and I felt better. There was a small round lump on my sternum which gave me the occasional bit of worry but generally, I felt fine.

A few weeks ago, I came home from university for Christmas and though I thought I was going to have a nice few weeks, things got worse again. I started getting pain in my breastbone. This drew my attention back to the lump on my chest, which I have become increasingly obsessed with. It is a hard, bony lump which is quite round but sometimes feels a bit longer than other times and can feel as though it is protruding more on some occasions. Additionally, I have had pain throughout my bones and for the last few days, I have also had pain in my abdomen (especially in the right upper quadrant) and in my back which comes and goes but sometimes gets very bad when I breathe out. Naturally, I'm very worried and have begun to assume I have some kind of cancer which has either metastised to my bones or originated in my bones and spread. There was a time when I was adamant on going to the doctor and explaining but I've realised that people with bone cancer usually have no chance, so it wouldn't be worth it if that's what I had as I am trapped anyway.

I had a skin cancer scare as a teenager which turned out to be a persistent wart but as now, I was too afraid to go to the doctor and so I only got peace of mind when the symptoms vanished.

Can anyone reassure me about this or at least give me some support in trying to confront this problem?

[.Poppy.]

Just curious - did you have a doctor look at the lump you are talking about?

I've had a bone cancer scare as well, and felt pain radiating through my bones. It's awful. It lasted as long as I stressed about it -once I stopped, it went away.

I've also had pain in my chest; I have flair ups of what my doc said was costochondritis - it can be very painful, and it's not much fun.

As for the lump - I have one similar to what you described behind my ear. Is yours moveable? Mine is a hard, round lump that I can move around. It used to scare me to death, but I talked to the doc about it (and another couple that I have) and he said that as it was round, smooth, and able to move that it was fine. That, and I've had it for years.

[Carys]

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh, but I don't think it is possible to reassure you as we are not medical people here...it would be wrong to say 'everything is ok'. You have had a few health problems and you already know they did need investigating and treating.

However, support I can do :D; until you get yourself back to the GP you are going to be worrying yourself sick about the symptoms you feel you are getting. I think you know you need to do this, steel yourself, but you are terrified that you will find out the worst possible news your anxious head could imagine. The likelihood is that you certainly won't hear that you have any of the terrible underlying conditions you think you have, but as you rightly say, even hypochondriacs can get ill. Many of your symptoms can be from anxiety, but that diagnosis can only be made by ruling out anything else.

Let us know how you get on ! :D

[Halcyon]

Just curious - did you have a doctor look at the lump you are talking about?

I've had a bone cancer scare as well, and felt pain radiating through my bones. It's awful. It lasted as long as I stressed about it -once I stopped, it went away.

I've also had pain in my chest; I have flair ups of what my doc said was costochondritis - it can be very painful, and it's not much fun.

As for the lump - I have one similar to what you described behind my ear. Is yours moveable? Mine is a hard, round lump that I can move around. It used to scare me to death, but I talked to the doc about it (and another couple that I have) and he said that as it was round, smooth, and able to move that it was fine. That, and I've had it for years.

It's not movable at all. It just feels like a bone which is protruding from the actual bone, which is one of the things which makes it so scary. There have been a few times when I've nearly mentioned it to the doctor but each time I've nearly said something, I've got these thoughts in my head of them telling me I'm terminally ill with it and I always say I'd rather not know in a case like that so it's a matter of summoning up the courage to go and say something. That said, I've had a few ECGs since this thing appeared and every time I hoped they'd feel it as they were putting the pads on and send me to someone about it.


I hope this doesn't come across as harsh, but I don't think it is possible to reassure you as we are not medical people here...it would be wrong to say 'everything is ok'. You have had a few health problems and you already know they did need investigating and treating.

However, support I can do :biggrin:; until you get yourself back to the GP you are going to be worrying yourself sick about the symptoms you feel you are getting. I think you know you need to do this, steel yourself, but you are terrified that you will find out the worst possible news your anxious head could imagine. The likelihood is that you certainly won't hear that you have any of the terrible underlying conditions you think you have, but as you rightly say, even hypochondriacs can get ill. Many of your symptoms can be from anxiety, but that diagnosis can only be made by ruling out anything else.

Let us know how you get on ! :biggrin:

Thanks!

That's exactly what I need to do, really. The thing about worrying is that it's put me in a vicious circle where I worry about the lump (so the best thing would be to get it seen to) but then I worry about the consequences of seeing someone about it.

What's interesting is that I wasn't particularly concerned about this thing until the last few weeks, since I've had a few weeks without counselling because the place I go to closes for Christmas and she's out of town this week. I will go back there next week and she'll probably convince me to go and get it looked at.

Thanks everyone for your support. If only I knew this website existed a few months ago!

[.Poppy.]

I hope this doesn't come across as harsh, but I don't think it is possible to reassure you as we are not medical people here...it would be wrong to say 'everything is ok'. You have had a few health problems and you already know they did need investigating and treating.

However, support I can do :D; until you get yourself back to the GP you are going to be worrying yourself sick about the symptoms you feel you are getting. I think you know you need to do this, steel yourself, but you are terrified that you will find out the worst possible news your anxious head could imagine. The likelihood is that you certainly won't hear that you have any of the terrible underlying conditions you think you have, but as you rightly say, even hypochondriacs can get ill. Many of your symptoms can be from anxiety, but that diagnosis can only be made by ruling out anything else.

Let us know how you get on ! :D

I agree with this completely.

Yes, hypochondriacs get sick as well. That is what makes it so terrifying, I think - we can't just tell ourselves that it's all in our head, because while it might be most of the time, there's always that scary chance that it IS real.

Go see a doctor. It will be one of the scariest visits you have (it was for me) but if you find out that it's nothing, your relief will be so great. And there's a good chance that it IS nothing, maybe just a simple extra bit of bone.

I know how it feels to just not want to know if it's the bad thing you're thinking of. I struggled with it for a long time. Eventually, I just had enough. I decided that I was going to find out it was harmless, or deal with it if it were something bad. I realized that not telling the doc wasn't going to make it go away; I had to face it sometime, and I was going to have it be on my terms. Took me awhile to gain the courage, but we're all courageous people for going through these messes :smile:

[happycarrot]

While there is always a chance that any of us has some terrible illness, the odds are against that. Most cancer symptoms can also be caused by other, less serious problems. Chances are good that you're feeling a harmless piece of bone, or some kind of benign growth, or some other problem that isn't fatal, but you should still get it checked out. Most likely you'll find that it's nothing.

I know that I often imagine symptoms to be worse than they are. I was convinced for some time that I had a lump on a bone in my shoulder, but when my doctor checked it she said that both of my shoulders felt exactly the same and that at worst, I had separated the joint a little by carrying a heavy backpack every day. I had just felt that one shoulder was a little different than the other, and then my imagination got carried away until I was convinced I was going to die. I think that once we become anxious about a symptom, the anxiety itself causes even more symptoms to show up. I think that having the lump checked out will make you feel much better and help you relax.