Very obsessive girlfriend. I can't cope.

[Worried_Male]

We have been together on and off for about 5 years and we have a child. She was always a bit clingy but the last year or so she has gotten really bad.

She randomly accuses me of cheating and always questioning me and what i'm doing. She even gets jealous when i'm with friends. She is here all the time and when she's not she is non stop ringing me. She is totally suffocating me.

When i tell her how clingy and obsessive she is being she just kicks off and it seems to make her worse and she gives me her sob story and tries to make me feel guilty. If we didn't have a child she would have been gone a long time ago.

I suffer from Health Anxiety and am taking medication for it. I feel like i'm at my very limit and feel like i'm about to explode.

Sorry if i sound whiny and moany but i really need this rant.

[Anxious_gal]

Hmm ,
She's being controlling , very insecure and manipulitive . . .
A dangerous combination if you ask me .
Has she been diagnoised with anything?
If its a sudden change it could be post partum depression from after having the baby.

Stand your ground no matter what , don't play mind games , or engage in reasoning if she cannot be reasoned with .
If you need to move out , maybe have her see a therpist , then do therapy together .

Maybe she's insecure about her looks after the baby .

[cuppycake]

obviously something has made her feel insecure, I can relate to how she feels and its a terrible situation to be in. I understand you feel trapped and what not but honestly if something has made her feel like that then she needs to be reassured. Maybe you need to talk to her about why she's like that and help her.

[Littlehelper123]

This could be caused by past relationships that have been where she has been cheated on. It sounds like paranoia and the best thing you can do is sit her down and firmly tell her how you feel and what you dont like that she keeps doing. Tell her that you love her, and that why would you cheat with her when u have a child!

If she continues then yes....part ways .I couldnt stand being in a relationship where im not allowed to move without being questioned x

[suzy-sue]

Can I ask why you dont live together ? Maybe this has something to do with her insecurities ?.Women do often feel different about themselves when they have had a child .Maybe some sort of councelling for you both would help ?.Relate is a good place ,if you decide its worth a try .Talking this through when you are both calm sounds ike a good place to start ,Hope you can sort this out .T/c Sue x

[lins13]

Do you make her feel wanted and compliment her on how she looks, maybe you could take her out for a meal, and go back to dating and courtship. Spend some time with her and sit down and put all your cards on the table and talk about your insecurities and maybe she will open up and talk and tell you why she feels this way. She may be feeling unwanted and unloved by you. Do you help her out with your child (if you dont live together, im assuming the child lives with her). Having a child and looking after the child is very hard, physically and emotionally, and if she's feeling anxious and insecure with the relationship she's going to be even more tired.
If you feel you can no longer put up with the relationship and want the single life, dont you think its about time you done something about it. Do you love her? If not, its pointless staying in a stale relationship for the childs sake because it will affect your childs' emotional development and well being if there is tension and arguments. Also it seems unfair to keep your girlfriend in the dark about how you are really feeling, for the sake of your child, talk and sort this relationship out before it is too late.
It seems to me that your girlfriend wants a relationship, as in a marriage, and you dont?

[Wolfie]

Hi there,

It is clear that she is exhibiting manipulative, paranoia and controlling behaviours, perhaps caused by self-esteem issues, past relationships, etc. However, the fact that she gets jealous when you are with your friends should be sounding alarm bells as this behaviour will lead to you being excluded from things, socially.

Perhaps she has a mental health issue which has gone on undiagnosed.

Whatever the situation you need to get her in the mindset of actually sitting down with you and talking through potential reasons of why she behaves like this, as it is clear that it is making you unhappy. Perhaps contacting a local relationship councelling therapist, I think one of the main places is called Relate, I'm pretty sure you can both go and just talk things out in a neutral space, with a councellor who plays mediator. Always an idea.

It's understandable that you feel like you're going to explode - you are dealing with your own problems and having someone acting like that will pin extra pressure on yourself. It's also understandable if you feel like you don't want to be in the relationship as she is pushing you away and nothing more.

Try everything you can to sort this out. Remember you have a child, so make sure whatever happens you have got your rights as a father and you remain civilised and not resort to arguing infront of the child, etc etc.

Ultimately, if you are unhappy, you have to do what's best for you, especially if you have tried everything in your power to make this work.