Please help me, I can't take this much longer

[miniholly]

Well I know I said my last post might be my last one, but right now I'm literally crippled with anxiety, I feel like I can't move its that bad and I don't know what to do, I actually feel a bit suicidal too.
So my problem is I have floaters, lots of them. I had my eyes tested on Saturday and there was nothing there, had my eyes dilated and everything.
But I have now got this annoying black dot that won't seem to go away, its there when I blink and its really concerning me.
I also kind of get like this weird thing where if I look at something long enough these black blobs appear out of nowhere. It's worrying me to the point where I vomit.
i don't know how much more of this I can take, I have a doctors appointment about my anxiety issues and hopefully get on some meds in the week but at the minute I just feel so depressed and anxious. I don't know what to do anymore and can't help but feel I would be better off dead and put an end to all this misery. I keep trying to tell myself these visual disturbances could be anxiety, but I can't convince myself, I'm so sure I have a brain tumor. I just don't know what to do anymore and I need help for this now.
Can someone help please? I feel so alone.

[shelgalou]

Hello , i have had floaters for as long as i can remember, my optitian says they are harmless , when i go for my check up i have an optimap everytime to look for abnormalities, have you ever had one of these? Often when we are aware of something we look for it more xx

[miniholly]

Hi,
I had a retinal photograph taken when all this started and I've had my eyes dilated so I've had pretty much all the tests to see if theres anything wrong and everythings come back normal.
I'm just concerned about these black blobs and this black dot. I don't know what to do anymore I really don't I just want to get better

[countrygirl]

Hi miniholly - I replied to your previous post ( I have the serious eyesight problems and am partially sighted) trying to reassure you and explain that a retinal photo is the best test there is to show any eye or brain problems as brain tumours put pressure on the back of the eye and most brain tumours are detected by opticians! An eye test is a wonderful health mot as they can detect brain tumours and high blood pressure and diabetes to name but a few.

The black floater that is there all the time is normal, they can last for weeks wandering around one eye until they are absorbed by the body, they are only bits of tissue/blood and everyone has them but short sighted people and the anxious see them and once you focus on it then thats it:wacko:

YOur eyes are not your problem at all, your problem is severe anxiety and or depression and you sound bad enough to warrant an emergency appt with your GP. I worked at a Drs and if you ring up and say you are feeling suicidal you will be seen that day by a GP who should refer you to the acute mental health team that will see you either that day for within 24 hrs. Even out of hours service will get you to see someone overnight if you are truly feeling suicidal.

Please let us know how you are .

[blingkasa]

@Country girl thanks for that reassuring post about floaters and the way you put it. Made sense and i hope brings some comfort to miniholly. Blessings always.

[miniholly]

Thanks for replying again countrygirl, do appreciate it.
I keep thinking I have a new symptom to do with my eyes everyday,just feel like there's something new wrong with them each day but deep down I know its my bodys way of telling me the anxiety's just too much and I know it is.
I just feel very scared at the minute as my anxiety is out of control, I haven't felt this way for about 4 years since my Dad died of a very rare brain tumor.
I think I may ring up the walk in centre when my Mum gets home and see if they can see me straight away. Just cannot cope with this feeling for a day longer, I know now that my symptoms are not the problem, its more to do with my anxiety and I need help and medication to control it. I just feel so angry with myself for letting it get so bad and out of hand, I should have got the help I need when all this started a couple of years ago.

[kinnygirl1]

Hi Miniholly. Sorry that you are feeling so bad. I really do empathsize as have felt crippled by anxiety myself esp back in the summer when I was at my worst. Just wanted to say that accepting that the problem is your anxiety and not the symptons that you have been having is an important step towards recovery so you are already on the mend if you want to look at it that way. Make sure you tell the GP exactly how you are feeling so that they can help you as best as possible. Good Luck. X

[Lottie19]

Hi Miniholly. It's horrible how you're feeling but I agree with Kinnygirl1 - you need to get your anxiety treated. Go to your GP as soon as possible. I had severe panic attacks for 5 years all to do with my health and although I still have health worries (that's why I'm on this) I was able to get the anxiety to a manageable level with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and mild anti-depressants and talking to friends and strangers as you are doing on this forum. Keep on talking. Someone will always respond and you can see that other people have had similar problems and survived. While you're waiting to see that GP, try to divert yourself with things you enjoy or which make you laugh. Good luck!

Lottie

[miniholly]

Thanks for replying kinnygirl1 and Lottie19, I have a doctors appointment at 3:40pm tomorrow so I can get sorted then hopefully.
I just feel petrified because my symptoms just seem so real, but can't help but think my anxiety is amplifying them to be 10x worse than what they actually are.
I just feel dreadful. I really hope by this time next week I'll feel a bit more calm about things, I can't live like this.

[Aussie11]

Good luck tomorrow at the doctor and I hope they can help you with your anxiety. I know what you're going through, my dad died of brain tumour around the same time as yours by the sound of it and I know how it can make you anxious about everything. Best wishes x

[miniholly]

Thanks, I hope they can too. Luckily the doctor I'm seeing understands my high anxiety/depression levels which stem from my Dad dying and has prescribed me anti-depressants in the past. Hoping she'll reassure me on my brain tumor fears too.

[miniholly]

I went to my doctors today and got prescribed sertraline I hate sertraline had it before and didnt react well to it all had awful hallucinations on it, I did say I couldnt remember which antidepressant did that to me it was only when i got home i realized it was sertraline, going to ring up the drs again tomorrow and explain. Not even going to chance it i feel crazy enough as it is without the hallucinations lol

[sherylee xx]

everythin you have discribed i get i was told its normal xx

[miniholly]

Another update i actually managed to stay calm for a while last night until i had the urge to google my symptoms cos i have like lines and black blobs in the dark first thing that came up was migraine but i delved deeper and read the black blobs can be caused by a tumor pressing on the optic nerve!! Im so freaked out

[cjl2301]

I remember years ago I went through something very similar- except I chose to focus on my eyes being damaged vs. having a BT.

I remember I went to like 3 eye doctors, and I finally found one that seemed to understand. He told me "I think you are just focusing on normal things that everyone sees."

That managed to "snap me" out of that episode.

I think getting the Zoloft is a good idea. I have a friend who recently went on Cymbalta for General Anxiety Disorder and he says it has changed his life. I am thinking about getting some medication myself right now.

[miniholly]

Its horrible I just can't snap out of it at all I'm now so convinced I'm dying! Can't look forward to anything at all. I went to my doctors yesterday and expressed my fears and she simply said "I really don't know what to say to prove you do not have a tumor" and I guess shes right I'm just not convinced by anything anymore.
The black blobs in the dark scare me the most and keep trying to tell msyelf its just anxiety or possibly a migraine but my anxiety tells me its a tumor :weep:
also I started on Citalopram today really hope this stuff works