Tim Skyrme
10-01-12, 08:29
OK where do I start?
I have had a bit of a breakdown I guess, just after Xmas I had a real down turn in mood and started having daily panic attacks which have gotten worse. I am currently sat at home when I should be at work, I went back yesterday after the Xmas break and I really could not cope with it.
I went to see the Doctor and she perscribed me the generic Zoloft. I have had anxiety for years following a similar break in my early twenties, I was abusing alcohol and recreational drugs and had a really stressful time at University which ended with me dropping out. Since then I have built a life, I went back to uni and I am now a Lecturer in Higher Ed. Married, to a wonderful and supportive woman and two of the greatest kids in the world, well adjusted and happy.
The job I am currently doing has been tremendously stressful, I have a long commute which I hate and I am out of the house for over 60 hours of the week. The job itself is appalling, it is a private college for non nationals and was really set up as an immigration service, none of the students are passing their exams and the workplace has turned very sour. It is likely that the place is going to be closed down in the next few months. I quit a while ago but have agreed to stay on to finish my courses because I do not want to dump my colleagues in it as they are all decent people going through the same crap I am.
I guess my drinking has increased as a self medication thing for about six months. I do drink and have done so happily for many years. I have always drunk wine with my dinner and enjoy the drinking and it has never really caused me much anxiety, I certainly coped with it fine. i am now drinking around three to five glasses of wine every evening to help me cope with the stress and worry, which is too damn much. I know this is not helping the anxiety and depression but I really don't think I can cope without it and that scares the crap out of me.
Things are pretty bad for me at the minute, I feel a lot better since I started to address this, and the depression has lifted for me, but the panic attacks have gotten much more intense. I realise that this is probably because of the meds, and I know that panic will not hurt me, but it is a hell of a struggle. I can't sleep properly, every time I think of work I want to throw up and it is killing me that I am doing this to my family, although I am holding it together for them, the kids have certainly not noticed.
My biggest fears.
Not getting better
Not being able to work
Losing my family
Going mad
Ending up an alcoholic
Dying of a heart attack
Throwing a fit in public
You know, the usual!!
Nice to meet you all, I do feel better for getting that off my chest!!
I have had a bit of a breakdown I guess, just after Xmas I had a real down turn in mood and started having daily panic attacks which have gotten worse. I am currently sat at home when I should be at work, I went back yesterday after the Xmas break and I really could not cope with it.
I went to see the Doctor and she perscribed me the generic Zoloft. I have had anxiety for years following a similar break in my early twenties, I was abusing alcohol and recreational drugs and had a really stressful time at University which ended with me dropping out. Since then I have built a life, I went back to uni and I am now a Lecturer in Higher Ed. Married, to a wonderful and supportive woman and two of the greatest kids in the world, well adjusted and happy.
The job I am currently doing has been tremendously stressful, I have a long commute which I hate and I am out of the house for over 60 hours of the week. The job itself is appalling, it is a private college for non nationals and was really set up as an immigration service, none of the students are passing their exams and the workplace has turned very sour. It is likely that the place is going to be closed down in the next few months. I quit a while ago but have agreed to stay on to finish my courses because I do not want to dump my colleagues in it as they are all decent people going through the same crap I am.
I guess my drinking has increased as a self medication thing for about six months. I do drink and have done so happily for many years. I have always drunk wine with my dinner and enjoy the drinking and it has never really caused me much anxiety, I certainly coped with it fine. i am now drinking around three to five glasses of wine every evening to help me cope with the stress and worry, which is too damn much. I know this is not helping the anxiety and depression but I really don't think I can cope without it and that scares the crap out of me.
Things are pretty bad for me at the minute, I feel a lot better since I started to address this, and the depression has lifted for me, but the panic attacks have gotten much more intense. I realise that this is probably because of the meds, and I know that panic will not hurt me, but it is a hell of a struggle. I can't sleep properly, every time I think of work I want to throw up and it is killing me that I am doing this to my family, although I am holding it together for them, the kids have certainly not noticed.
My biggest fears.
Not getting better
Not being able to work
Losing my family
Going mad
Ending up an alcoholic
Dying of a heart attack
Throwing a fit in public
You know, the usual!!
Nice to meet you all, I do feel better for getting that off my chest!!