I'm seriously losing my mind...

[beth0277]

I am a serious mess...I don't know what to do at this point. I was admitted into the mental hospital last week over night (let me tell you how fun that was!). I'm tired of crying, so all I can think to do is laugh at this point.

My mind goes through so much mental anguish every single day. At 5:00 am, I have kidney failure, by 7:00, I am cured of that, but now I have colon cancer. 10:00 it's MS, 1:00, it's some other cancer, then back to MS, then it's my heart, then it's this...oh and back to cancer and MS once or twice more.

Seriously...I was doing okay (barely) until this morning when I had to get a Barium Swallow test to check to see if my esophagitis is cleared up. So..I told the tech that I have also been having some issues with swallowing (not problems swallowing, but it just sort of feels like it, no pain or anything). I didn't mention it to the radiologist doing the test, though I should have. So...I glanced at one of my images (and I am in finance, not medicine, so who knows what I was looking at!) and I have convinced myself that it didn't look "normal". So, now I have throat cancer...or maybe it's "my" MS causing swallowing issues. I am making myself sick over it all. Then I have convinced myself that they didn't even look at my throat during the test since it was ordered because of GERD, though I think that the radiologist would have at least noticed something abnormal watching the slides (he was watching as he was doing the test) and thought to get pictures if something looked abnormal.

I HATE health anxiety. Seriously. Is it anxiety...or do I really have all these issues?? My throat feels like I have a lump in it, which started just recently when my anxiety got bad. It is also a weird sensation of a little air coming up several times a day. Not like a "burp" but like a little tickle of air coming up.

You know...I think that we with HA would be better off to just not get any tests. Surely if most people got tests, they would have some abnormalities...it's only those of us with HA that have them and KNOW about them because we push for so many tests, and then we make ourselves crazy over it all!

[blingkasa]

Hi, i know the swallowing thing, its just there and cant really describe it properly. Had an okay day today and now going through dizzy and awful anxiety attack. It takes over and there is no where to run as its in our mind. I totally understand what you are going through. The swallowing thing is actually our neck muscles tensing up , you know how people say " I find that hard to swallow" or " She felt choked with emotion" , its all the same thing. It goes away when you understand what it is. I had it and i was pacing the floor like a wally trying to swallow and wearing myself out. I read in claire weekes that its normal. I know its normal but i wish it wasnt there. Good Luck .

[VioletWings]

I think this is why my doctor didn't think I needed a chest x-ray a while back, he used the words 'we may be over-examining' then. I think he was right for exactly the reason you said! Any 'normal' 'abnormalities' would get us worried!
Oh I'm sorry you had to stay a night in a mental hospital *big hugs for you* Remember, thinking you have things are symptoms of what you *actually have*! - health anxiety!
Also know you are NOT on your own, and I do believe -if you can learn to laugh at yourself, it's better than crying and letting it get you. Health anxiety robs us of joy in life. Do you have something in your life that you enjoy? That you can focus on? I pray things get much better for you, don't go giving up!
P.s The swallowing thing is so common, but I know, when you have it, it's scary. Try your best to ignore it.
And you aren't losing your mind!

[Jo1981]

Hey I really know how you all feel..one minute I feel fine and think I'm going to be ok for the day then all of sudden I find something that could be wrong with me..and it's always the same things over and over again..sorry your not feeling great if you ever want to message in the night for someone to talk to then message me :) I have started taking calms tablets and they seem to be helping abit x x

[potato11]

I had it and i was pacing the floor like a wally trying to swallow and wearing myself out. .

:roflmao:

this sentence really made me laugh!!

[countrygirl]

A Gp once said to me there was a saying "don't do a test as a Dr unless you think there is a strong chance of finding something". She said that everyone has abnormalities that are normal to them and it wastes alot of patient and DRs time doing followup tests to make sure.
She explained that there is a huge difference between the signs of an illness as in clinical signs to a Dr and symptoms that the patient is feeling.
For example feeling as if you have a lump in your throat is not a sign of serious illness but if you presented at a Drs saying you keep bringing back undigested food then this is a sign of possibly something serious.
This is what Drs are trained for to recognise the difference.